25 Dec 2008

Merry Christmas

Story is the man, and the days tell the events, day after it's all going on…
And today of my story, I would like to say
" Merry Christmas"
May all your dreams come true, and may God lead you to listen to the song that only angels sing..
Let's whisper into the ages' ear, and say , hello…

11 Dec 2008

Days of Eid

My father travelled to Baghdad, he stayed there for about two days, to do some work and to see his mother, he has not been in Baghdad for 3 years!

Dad spent a nice time there, he returned with so high spirits, and great feeling that Baghdad is going to be like before ( safe and beautiful) and more wonderful.
Dad said the way to Baghdad was full of soldiers and national guards, about 420 km with 76 checkpoints, and tanks separated between each two checkpoints.

It lasted about six hours to arrive, it was great indeed, last time I traveled , I spent 8 hours! It was unbearable, now, it is thanfgully so much better.

In Baghdad, national guards were in everywhere, but the good thing is only Iraqi soldiers, dad said that there had been no American tank in the street, he had only seen them on the trunk road to Baghdad. " you can say, there is a government'' dad said.

He also told us that the checkpoints barricades were covered with flowers, it was so nice of the guards, good gentlemen! Hahaha, and they are so admirable, their main emblem is " you admire, you are admired"

Dad visited different places of Al-rusafa and Al- karkh, al-mansoor, philisteen street, al-Sha'ab, Al- A'damiyya, Al-kadhmyya, Baghdad il-jideeda and Alh- ghazalyya.

-We have many families to visit in Baghdad, it is maybe good or bad, good that baghdad is the most wonderful city for me ,so it hugs my most wonderful people.. and bad because each time we go, we spend few days and they become over of visitng others.- ما افتهم كلشي والله من الروحه هههههههههه

But of course, we hope to live safely without checkpoints, this needs some time, we were patient, and we have to stay strong , because we were all heroes and heroines in the battle against terrorism .
In Babel, a city to the south of Baghdad, they have recently opened a new tourist collection of buildings, two main parts of it have been completed, the amusement city and the hotel, the thing that should be mentioned here for the record.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
Eid days were nice to a great extent, even though I didn't have the fun that I should have , nor enjoyed my time as I must, but I’m happy for people, the wonderful people in my country.
I can't stop my tears when I see the children holding toys , klecha, and Edyya, spending happy times with gorgeous spirits, wearing so beautiful clothes and trying to show their pleasure in different ways, different strange wonderful ways that no one can try nor realize the idea behind except the white hearts.
Baghdad, Al- Zawra' park, about 50000 families ( about 250000 men) came to say " we live Eid, we deserve the happiness, and nobody can prevent us" .

From all the places, and all the sects. Even the Christians, Saba' and Ayzids came to share their sisters and brothers' pleasant moments.

Saba' , I highly admire those people , who mainly inhabit the south of Iraq, they even don't celebrate their special occasions when Muslims commemorate sad events like the tenth of Muharram. These are the true Iraqis.
As usual, before Eid I went to the market with mama, what saddened me is that the clothes were not like how I expected or intended to buy. I kept wandering from a shop to shop, nothing pleased me, mom kept trying to convince me that this is the market goods and it's the current present, i should buy, " why i sould buy things im not going to wear?!!!" i say.. Until I found my luck with nice dress and black jacket.
I asked a vendor about the matter, " they are not like the clothes that can be found in the other countries, like Jordan, Syria or Lebanon, why?" I asked. I had no idea about what he might answer, because at least I didn’t mention the mark 'Channel' ,lol.
" hmmmm, those are clothes of the second class or the third, or maybe the fourth" , I gazed at him, what if I mentioned Channel??!!!

It is so sad to hear this. What do you think of the second class?

In the market, I did a good thing that deserved a reproach from my mom!! Ok ,my mom didn't know if she had to reproach me or thank me.

While we were walking, I caught the sight of a little girl walking in the middle of the street, her mom was busy with a greengrocer, suddenly, I heard a loud horn of a far car, when I turned my head I saw it was straight towards the girl!!!
"hey wait!! Look!!" I shouted, and soon ran to the girl and pushed her to the pavement.
I thank God many times to give me the mind to do it, wowww!! The driver was fast enough to destroy all the vegetables and fruits carriages that were there..

The first day of Eid was another day of calls, hahahahaha, I keep laughing when I check my mobile number after number, name after name to call all the dears, I thank God to save our dears fine and bless the martyrs' souls, we remembered the great memories of being together with people left us early to the other world, and with a big smile on my face I finished that job.

In the first day of Eid, at 1:10 am I received a text message from a great person in my life , congratulating me and saying nice wishes.
Talking about text messages reminding me of those who created mobiles, I sincerely thank them, mobile simplifies many difficulties, and makes the distance as nothing among the friends. Miss Violet was the first one congratulated me of Eid!! It was a nice text from her, Oh miss!! I love you :D :D
Next week, we'll be back to school, another short quick duration before mid-year exams. I had some rest in Eid, but I can't say I didn't leave books, no, I kept studying.لازم نزاغل شويه, هههههههه

6 months is the rest of the time we have to finish this part of life, and to breathe freely again, may God achieve all our dreams and lead our ways.

May God bless our Iraq and give us the faith to work more, May God give us the gift to live our days happily , all together.

May God protect and bless you.


4 Dec 2008

Another Day..

Day after day, year after a year. Many Muslims take the way to the blessed place, Mecca, where the prophet Abraham (may peace be upon him) took his way once ,with his son and wife, there, many stories had happened, and everyone had a moral, but the all came to bring peace and great laws to organize the nature and the life style, to teach and lead us.

The time when Muslims go is so blessed and you can see all the eyes crying with great reverence.

Muslims end their special worshipping deeds with great happiness by slaying animals ( like rams) and give the meat peaces to paupers, and give many other alms.
This happiness can be seen in four main days of Eid, which is called Adha Eid.
And it's my great pleasure to congratulate all my friends for this wonderful occasion, asking God to help us to do everything may establish peace, faith and purity.
ايامكم سعيده و كل عام اونتو بالف الف الف الف الف الف الف الف الف خير, بعد الف؟ ههه, يلله, كووووول الاف الدنيه... و اتمنالكم تحقيق الاماني والصحه والسلامه و الامان والاستقرار والعافيه وكول الخير والبركه
وكلشي حلو

Eid = happiness, but who can be happy when he sees his people dying ??

Two days ago, while I was sitting beside my sisters exchanging talking about a hard day, a big explosion occurred, my little sister began to shout " another quake , another quake.. it's a quake..", my other sister made her calm down by saying silly jokes.

Suddenly, we heard crying in the street, our neighbor's daughter just came from the school, she was screaming, saying " she died, my teacher.. explosion.. flesh.. glass… damaged.. blood… " , with these words, I began to cry;however, I didn't know what had happened.

After a while, my dad's friend came and said " a woman in thirties with a bomb came to that place and exploded herself" , I was greatly shocked, 'a woman'???!!!!!!!!
I could realize why the national guards didn't distinguish her, as you know, here,our society is concervative and men are not allowed to inspect women, as well, no one would think of a woman.

'Loss' is the result, many people died, the baker, the seller , greengrocer, children and teachers, it was a primary school..

I am wondering, what's next? Once , a market, once a hospital, famous street and now a primary school, and.. and.. and what?!!

The situation is miserable, today, my mom went to the market ( after a duration of sickness and obstinacy to see a doctor) and while she was carrying the bag, a man came and killed another one in a restaurant and ran away, it all happened before her eyes, and many others', it was horrible.. Soon, the police came and surrounded the place, and she needed 4 hours to get out of the crowd .. and I needed three hours to leave the road jam!! While the school should only be 15 hours as maximum.
Mama began to cry and tremble, it was a weapon and killing.. and why???!!! No one knows.

People began to run crazily, and in a minute the street turned empty of cars and pedestrians..
And the killer, went, but where?? And how could he do it?? Doesn’t he feel remorse ?
Doesn't he have a heart?

Many accidents like this one took place in Iraq.
And what is next?!!

School is fine, so much homework and many exams, we got a holiday for all the next week. I have so much to do, this is why I've been absent lately.

We have to study well, and live the days one by one, too much thinking of anything -except the study- is not by our side, we have to focus on our work , and nothing else. It is the last year, so, to be or not to be, even though all the helpful factors are not offered, the electricity is miserable, and it is so cold ( to be honest,I love the clod weather, so , I shouldn't talk anymore, ;D haha)….

On the 11th of January , our mid year exams will start, it is an early date, because of the next elections, girls with me are going to vote!! Haha, not everyone is fond of politics, but to talk about me , I can't, I'm still 16!! I will get the chance the next time. The wonderful view of the last elections and how people were happy is still alive in my mind, we felt of our ability to choose.. everything was written , and our choice was only to 'remove the covering'; however, we believe that we can make the bright future.

I was sad for a while, I needed to be alone and leave all my friends, I didn't know what to do, it was an unbelievable strain, I really didn't feel ok at all.

At last I called violet, I was happy for that, she kept encouraging me and telling me about her job and college ( surely after I spoke for a long time! Haha), she seems to do great, I'm happy for her, and I'll do my best to do like her and achieve my dream. At least, I have the dream to work for.
Thank You Violet!!

My friend from the US has told me that they are preparing for Christmas, and put the tree, I really do love the tree, and wish all the world a great Christmas , praying that all our days will be full of joy.

Maybe, we will live the true wonderful spirit of Eid and Christmas one day, we really do our best to live the spirit indeed, challenging the current events, that if the Eid wants to leave us, we will catch it and no one can prevent us from being happy and live our lives..

Yesterday night, I was listening to the music of my music box, it is nice and it reminded me of the greatest person in my life (one of my ancestors), I hope this person knows how much I miss him

All my dear friends, thanks for keeping in touch, don't worry, I was busy with school, I'm sure that all your prayers have reached the sky, this is why I could see the moon clearly :D :D

14 Nov 2008

Whispers to my mom

" Has anyone told you I'm not breathing? has anyone said I'm not here? but I have the question, was I really there?
Mom, so great is my pain.. I can't move it, I can't smile again..
Mom, if I smiled, I wouldn't believe it, it will be just a delusion, it was all delusion all the time over.
Mom, in the school, I stood again on the ground, I took my way to there. I didn't feel of myself , untill I was faced by the door, the celing and the window, it was of gold. Mom! I cried bitterly, I needed it indeed. I felt so lonely, so hurt. It was so cold, my body had been frozen. I couldn't endure, I think he knew I could come, had he been waiting for me to tell him? even though he knew everything?!
I felt of him, his kind looking, they were just like skylights , but please mom, do never tell him I came there if he forgot..
Mom, I sat beneath the old wall, I covered my body with his warm cloak, I kept mentioning the holly names.
Mom, he knew it is not true, it is unfair, but it is fate..
Mom, suddenly I found myself on the ground again, but it was not a dream, I was not sleeping!
The pain came again when it rained..
Rain.. Rain.. Rain..
Mom, even the raindrops felt sorry about me.
Mom, I wanted the truth, who should show me? who should tell me? the story? or who should move away my pain?
Mom, I can't tell you, I can't sadden you, if it was pain, I'm the only one who should bear, but I just don't want to close the door, I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Mom, who is to blame?
Mom, please, remind me of that tale, when the farmer could find the treasure in the place where none expected and none believed, when everybody thought of it to be like the asphalt in the street.
Mom, please, hug me when I die, and give me a kiss.
I love you mom, and I don't know how, when or from where.
Mom, maybe it is strange to talk like this, but I have no other shelter except it.
Mom, my sweet angel, may you tell me what you had spoken when you were in my age?
Mom, could you dry out my tears now? could you -as your usual- order the harm to leave my heart.
I don't want anyone to fix me, I'm not broken, I'm just hurt.
And my only wish is that all the souls to be blessed and the true peace to be spread".

I whispered while I was sitting near my mom, she was deeply sleeping after a hard day. I was holding her hand, and felt O.K to speak..
I was sad, for my friend lost her mom, and it is another miserable story,and my other friend needs a surgery, it is a so dangerous case and for seeing off a great person whom I will never forget.

You all, be safe


PS, thank you my dear friend Ali for asking bout me, I'll tell something about my lessons next time :D

6 Nov 2008


((the last post is related with this))

''Hey" , Z ( a student from my ex-class)said interrupting me while I was laughing, I with surprise turned and saw her. I replied with " hey".
- Oh, it is not your inhabit to respond like that. I got used to hear your wonderful voice saying very very warm hellos.. am I wrong?
- ah..mmm. well.. why should I respond warmly, you must be thankful that I responded. ( I said this with a great pretending to be like that way, it was too hard indeed, I have never answered someone like this..
-well, I guess, you moved to another class, why?
- why???!!! you say why??!!! you ask me?!!!! you are the ones who should realize the matter. Oh my God!! you ask me?!!!
- yes, look Soleil, let me tell you something. firstly, I really know how much you angry and i appreciate everything very well. what the girls did was awful, so awful actually.
( I began to listen attentively) but you remember it, you were standing responding to only four girls, who accused you wrongly and with very loud voice, and by the way, everyone knows how much jealous they are of you, how bad are they, and no one admires them like you. it is the real truth that no one can hide, the truth is like Soleil, like how you are, pure and great.
You were strong , you made them lose and everyone knows this, and it happened in front of our English language teacher, and if you were wrong the teacher would ask you to stop, right? yes right. but you -with all the right with you- might forget me, and many other girls in the class who love you, really love you.. many girls in the class love you Soleil and sincerely, because you are one, only one like you..
( my cheeks turned so red, and I so hardly could hide my tear)
I'm here Soleil, to tell you only one thing. we love you and we really miss you. I'm here and look there to those who are waiting for me to tell you.
( i turned and saw S, A, D, J, A, S, F, Sh, M,R, and Maf they were smiling warmly).
Would you mind coming back to our class? your mother class after joining our grade two years ago, would you mind? we miss your high and lovely spirits, your great and someimes funny comments, your ideas,your humor and decisions . your songs, way to talk and everything of you. I everytime stand secretly near your new class and begin to breathe your special perfume. the other day I breathed it and soon began to look for you.
After this talking, I had nothing to respond with,I was quite embarrassed, and I cried a little, I always get touched in this situations like it. I hugged her and from the deep bottom of my heart I thanked God that everyone knows.
For me, the human is about : soul, deeds , talking and reputation. this is what I denote my life to get the best of. I always think,today I'm standing on this area, tomorrow I may not, today I'm alive, tomorrow I might not be. i always work with the say " work for your life as you will live forever and work for your afterlife as you will die tomorrow" , I always do my best to make God's happy by making everyone around me happy.

-Z, i'm fine with my new class. I can't come back now, the headmistress has made the lists and I got my fit place. secondly, everyone in my new class loves me too and I'm happy.
-oh, you are happy?
- yes Z, yes.
- ok ok ,very nice. do you know what? i can't deny I'm so sad that you won't return. but if you are happy, so we are all happier than you, just because you are happy.
Z left with a smile...
What happened to me?
Various feelings, I was extremely happy, extremely embarrassed and confused. I hugged the tree and left it..
When I came back, I was wondering, I was contemplating my next new life, I was thinking of all the people I met.. I love those girls, no matter what happened, even though I got hurt. I thought again, yes I'm angry, so angry, but I can't hate them, I can't ...It may be a problem and may not, I'm ready to do anything to help them, if they need me they will find me.
I did many things, and the best I got as a return is people's love.

I told my mom about what happened, mom hugged me and cried a little, i didn't understand first.
she cried becuase she loves me and is proud of me.
Mom told me that a teacher ( whom I chose to teach me in a private lesson, and with my group there were girls of whom hurt me) and said that he was wondering if I'm planning to go back to his lessons, he said that he had a trouble with the girls and they talked badly about me in front of him too, but he didn't listen. although he has no business with the problem, but they just tried to make him hate me. They failed down.

Many times i don't understand people, why do they hurt each other? WHY???
Is this what The Lord asks us to do? Or may the human instinct them diffuses those bad desires inside them?!!!!!
Everyone has his/her own way, and I can never change mine.
I spent that evening making fun with my sisters, I made many funny hairdos , it was a great happiness after frustration.
I kept saying prayers for a long time that night before sleeping. I really adore God.
The next day, after a long day at school, i came back, and wanted to change my spirit , I wanted to do something, I was still wearing the uniform, suddenly mom opened the door, she had just come, I asked her about daddy, she said he brought her home,and went to the baker's. I felt sad soon, but I headed quickly for our house main door, daddy was not there, he had gone.
I took my way to our garage back. " hm..hm.. did anyone want to go with me to the baker's?" daddy said!!! he saw me through the mirror and came back, i soon got in the car, I hugged daddy, there was a young woman walking, she saw me, and guess what she said
" oh sir, how nice is your daughter? oh, her innocent face, sure , 12 years old! :D"
I was full of a surprise!! 12? or 16!!
Today, i kept listening happily to our national anthem as the scout girls were raising the flag. cool breathe is in the morning, and it is a breeze of new hopes...

PS, the situation is so-so. On Wednesday, the roads were blocked to our school , I need to walk along the street, there was an inspection in the neighborhood.
The nationla guards face so so hard circumstances, and many difficulties, but it is a wonderful sheen I see into their eyes..
I met teacher S whom I mentioned in my last post, and she kept talking to me for a long time, she is an onld ma'am and I really love to get expeience from people like her.I'm doing well with my exams and in school, I'm happy but so so exhausted :) :) :)

3 Nov 2008

C'etait splendide

Weird is the life, ridiculous and meaningful. But day by day, I get amazed, it is not as simple as I many times think, and not as clear as the raindrop.
To school I go every day, in school I meet classmates, teachers and friends. but I have never thought of terrorism to be found in school!!!
Many teachers taught me all the four years ago, and this year is the last one, it is my duty to remember those days when I meet these high men, who gave me, supported me and encouraged me.
I love to mention my physics teacher, whom I love to call "Barbie" , my history teacher whom I call "the modest philosopher" , my chemistry teacher who is well known as " hope ma'am" ,and my mathematics teacher whom I love very much and consider the good ever.
The two years ago, in Arabic class, a young teacher "A" was responsible for our grade, and no one among the students suffered of her teaching, she's got the Mc degree. and she every time brought a new very big book to let's write down many notes about our mother language, she really loves me too much, and she's taken my phone number (like five other teachers), she was calling me from time to time in the summer vacation to ask about me and how I was doing with my private lessons, she is just like all the other teachers who consider me the best student ever, and trust me to a very great extent. but as you know, every teacher has her/his own way to express his/her feelings towards the students, yet, she has hers.
For many years ago, the teacher"S" who has a very good experience in teaching, was responsible for the sixth grade, and no girl suffered, many girls got high marks depending on her teaching only, she loves me very much, and I admire her greatly too.
The last days of my vacation brought many many calls from my teacher A, indeed, she adored the idea of teaching us this year too, and she called me asking me whether the girls like her or not and whether they mind if she teaches us or not.
For me, I found out that it was too hard to guess the fit opinions, becuase many girls tried to show the opposite of what they hid of feelings, it is normal, so I asked her to wait until the first day, at that time, she would ask the girls herself and it will be clearly known, even though she had asked the girls last year, and most of them agreed and the others hadn't given any opinion..
She entered the class, the girls began to exchange looks, the reality was that they didn't want her to teach us this year, they preferred S ( the opposite of what they chose last year). to talk about my opinion, I told them that I like and admire both S and A, and I don't care about the matter, I want them both, and I prefer that they make the decision, it is not my business, it is the headmistress's and the teachers'.
And I told the girls, if they didn't like A, they should go directly to either her or the headmistress to explain the matter, so, there wouldn't be any problem, we had to behave well.
I advised them..
But what happened, they began to talk badly in front of the other teachers about A, saying that she has never been fine and that they don't like her teaching. Every time, they asked me to speak out with the other teachers, and every time I explain my idea for them again.
Until that morning, when they (without taking the permission, saying that it is a democracy, and I'm still wondering , is it a democracy that you talk badly about someone and you don't tell him/her? or is it democracy that you don't admire the others' opinions? or is it democracy that you don't face the one you have a problem with and tell him/her about the matter to reach the best resulty without any fighting? the very great problem is that they don't understand what democracy means, they use the wrong meaning, the wrong way) made an election among each other to vote for either A or S, I didn't share them, and I said "look, I say it again, I don't like this idea at all, it should belong to the headmistress, not to me, I won't vote, I'm sorry". every girl else voted..
It went on, but later,they began to talk badly about me, and why? because I didn't vote, one of them "Sa" who always pretended to be good said " ok, soleil, tell us, what is your choice? S orA?"
Indeed, I love both A and S, and I told her " I don't care, I want them both, and anyone likes to teach us I will agree, my manners refure that I give a valuation about any teacher". she didn't admire my opinion, and made the other girls feel the same way, it was like a battle against me, until I spoke..
It was English class, when Sa came again to talk badly about me again, but I stood there, alone, and expressed my thought in front of the teacher who really admired me for that.. I reminded the girls of my pieces of advise, my admiration towards them , then , they announced the war, but the funny is that I didn't prefer to be the enemy, so, it was a war, but against whom???
I went to the headmistress and her assistants and told them about the problem, I was surprised by what they said, it was..
" look Soleil, all the teachers love you, admire you and respect all your opinions, you have always been the wise and wonderful student for us. your classmates love you , but it is the jealousy that prevent them from saying they love you... let them to time, they will be sorry after a while, everyone knows you, your manners and personality, everyone, so don't care, you have to take your way and focus on your studying only, some of them might hate you, like Sa, and tries to make you fail, so , the best response to them is to ignore what they do, and get your highest marks which all of us expect them to be. please Soleil, stay who you are, and never care, never think of them.. jealousy don't last for long, we know you, we know how you do, your intentions and your deeds, we know everything. We've asked the teachers who taught you in your private lessons, they all LOVE YOU GREATLY, and it is the best thing''.
I felt sad, I didn't want them to be jealous. why do they feel like that with me? why? because I really loved them? because I sincerely helped them? or because I did all my best to explain the lessons they found problems with? because I did this they feel jealous? the only thing I realize is that jealousy leads to hatred.. Most of the girls in this calss were with me in my private lessons, they saw how the teachers treated me, i still remember six of them when they said" how could you make him-talking about physics teacher-smile? do you use a charm? he never smiles!! how could you make him??!!! and the other- chemistry teacher- how could you ,make him keep your name? or know your father?". I didn't know that this talking might lead to jealousy!!!I didn't..
This is why I moved to another class, I wanted this year to be free of troubles comepletely, and I wanted myself to be full of high spirits, it is not the suitable time to get busy with silly, actually SO silly problems. and the only sincere one who cried that I left the class was Maf, I hugged her and told her that I will always be here for her, no matter what happens...
After few days, I've known that the teacher A got threatened, she had received a threatening sheet, and it was written, " you have to leave teaching the 6th grade soon, otherwise.."
I thanked God because he gave me the mind to leave that class, "otherwise.." what ? what can they do? kill her? or kill me because my opinion was not like theirs? I was afriad to death to hear this, and I'm wondering now, they are girls in teenage and they threaten, what if they reach 20s? or 30s? they will be this society women in the future, soon future, so, let me clap for them, they will give their children the fit genes, genes of terrorism....
I don't understand people sometimes, but the only thing I believe in is to make things easy and let it be as it likes to be..
the new class I moved to was different, they are all polite and prefer to stay away from troubles,they are co-operative and lovely, they loved me from the beginning and made a small party welcoming me, they said I have to refresh my brain in order to do the best, and they will put their hands in mine and I can't change my habit that I teach and explain hard subjects, I can't change it, because I believe is what I'm doing is not for me nor for them, it's for God, and only imagining how happy God will turn -when he sees me doing this- makes me forget all the problems.Now, I'm so happy with the new, the last step I will spend with them, may it be as great as I love it to be!!!
We make fun in the free time and listen to music.

English teaching system has been changed to better. my sister now in 8 age studies english, and the text books of English have been changed for the primary classes and the first grade of the high school. I'm so happy with this, is it like if they have listened attentively to me with a sight of silence :D :D ;D.. i expect more better things..

My Christain teachers have come back, I met ma'am of hope and hugged her, she gave me a piece of chocolate :D :D, haha, and I met Barbie too, everything is well now. My Christian friends have come back too, may God bless them..

PS, A is teaching us today and could destroy her fear, she surely needs to improve herself, this will happen by time, if we want something, we have to do it, we shouldn't depend on teaching like spoon-feeding.We didn't study anything in that English class that day, was is ok that we don't study just because of a silly problems?!! I will always be here, for the girls in my ex-class and for everyone else.. I'm still willing to visit S, I'm planning for this, I like all my teachers, because their message is the best ever, best as far as I believe..

This post was like an eye upon a class here, many people here don't understand what the real democracy means and how we should make good use of it.. it is a calling for all the social establishments to make the thing right..

30 Oct 2008

We need to be stronger

Why did that happen? or why I faced it? Is it a question? a story? or a misery? none knows, even me. Only little hand is writing, what my heart says and my mind shows...
I don't know where I should start from, many things, many feelings and many dreams were created..

Every morning I take my way to the school, there are many checkpoints (we spend about one hour or a little less, while we should spend only 15 minutes), and the national guards as I mentioned in my late post, are from Baghdad ,the south, Dyala governorate and Ramadi, and they came here to spread the safety that we missed for a long time.

They came here and showed all the great respect and admiration to people, and many as I hear, like them.

They inspected our house,

" oh , how is the flower? good morning, I'm sorry to awake you, oh my God!! please forgive me!!" a soldier said when he inspected our house and saw my little sister asleep. They are very polite, and I really love them so much.

They have a military centre near our house. One evening, while I was studying, a heavy shelling happened, and then, it was followed by unbearable shooting, it was a battle ( this what I though first).

The next morning I saw the guards again, I exchange smiles with them every day I see them , but that morning, it was different, they were sad and were listening to sad songs with their I-pods. It hurt me and captured my thinking, I was hopeless, helpless and aimless in one minute!

They lost many soldiers, it was an attack against them. They prepared for another inspection.. one of them told an old ma'am lives in our neighborhood,
" Why do you harm us? while we are here to protect you and give you support, why do you fight us? I lost many of my friends.."

" It is not us, it is the terrorists" she answered. " we all love and admire you, we are all normal citizens " she added.

The truth, the painful truth is that people here fear the terrorists to a geat extent, in addition to that, they don't trust each other, so, they don't tell the responsible directions about any strange things that might happen in the neighborhood, i give them all the riights, but this should be changed.. For me, this is bad, and so sad. We really need to trust each other more, we need to stand by each other, we need to have faith in our lives and the truth that we should seek.

We really need to be united, we need to be stronger. People should believe that horror and terror will never last for good, peace will be brought soon, but we really have to make "soon" as soon as we need and have to..

Frankly, they could pass over that duration. They are strong, and they didn't lose their great manners, they remained the peaceful and the wonderful men I first knew. They realized more that their duty is not easy, and it contains giving sacrifices, may God bless them!!
many christians i know came back, but with scare, I always pray for them to be able to stand again, they are Iraqis, and there is no other land larger may contain them except Iraq.
the thing I can mention is that the situation is not fine at all.

School is going well, the next week will be full of exams, so much homework too, it is the last year in this school , the thing that is too good.

I moved to another class, and started a new study strategy, I'm so happy with the new girls, they are all funny and nice. I sincerely thank them.

I meet Maf everyday, the greates thing for me, I happily explained the lessons she missed , and gave her a copy of all the good booklets I own, they may help her with her study, she was sad becuase I left the class, and she gave me a piece of chocolate :) it was nice of her :) I love her too much.

Yesterday , my cousin called me, she had a party for her engagement, her fiance is a gentleman, she loves him very much, and she said she will let the wedding party be when I finish my final exams, so I can attend!! haha, she says I make it less dull for everyone there.. Oh, I miss my relatives and I really miss Baghdad..

Winter came, I was sick of flu (maybe bird flu, lol) for the last few days when the sun was hidden by clouds, it rained while I was in bed, and it might purify the air, and bring the new:D :D

Until I have the chance to be here again, I say "take care"


15 Oct 2008

Change your strategy

Once upon a time, there was a poor blind man , "H", he always sat on a doorstep, and put a little hat in front of him, with a card beside him. " I'm blind, and I need money, I can get nothing, please help" this what was written on it, and indeed, everyone passed by him didn’t think of him, and so , he was getting very little money every time.

One day, a good gentleman "E" passed by him, and noticed the card (he himself was not that rich, he took the card and changed what was written, H asked him about what he did, he said " it is nothing, I just though of changing some words". In the end of the day, E came across the same street, and saw that H's hat was full of money!!
H knew that it was E because of his feet's steps. And thanked him saying " I thank you for it, whatever it was, I could hear them saying that they will send me to place where I can find the comfort , just like the other blinds in this city".
E smiled..
Actually, what was written on the card in the second time was
" It is Spring time, and I can never see the flowers' beauty nor distinguish the wonderful colours, I can't do it like how you do.."..

let's change the strategy towards the truth and the beauty..

On Monday, the fifth of October, we started school, since the first day, the teachers warned us of any simple negligence, saying that these are the last eight months that really deserve all our efforts to do , to get what may please us in the end.
The teachers considering me the best student in the school , expect all the best from me. This is why I feel a bit confused, I really should do all the best. I don’t want to disappoint them..

Since the first day, I got shock. I call Maf from day to day, I just called her about six days before school started, and everything was fine (indeed, wasn’t, but this is what I can say), the first day, she didn’t come to school, at the beginning ,I thought that she was just like some other girls who preferred coming the following day, when I got home, I called her and started my talking with some jokes, she seemed fine, I asked her why she hadn't come to school. " Soleil, I moved to another school, to be with my other sisters, it is better for me and for them". she said.

My voice soon began to tremble, I sat on the floor, I felt so deeply sad, I thought of many good things I would do for her, like teaching her and telling her everything I know about our lessons,how to study and how to spend the time everything. " now, she went, I may not see her again, oh my God!! Help me!! please!! I really love her and don’t deserve to be separated with her, I don’t want to be far from her, I love her. But I really tried to do everything possible for me and my family, oh my God!! It's unfair!! Unfair at all!!" I said blaming myself.

The rest of the day was as dark as the night sky, I was as sad as the singer who can't sing anymore, and as gloomy as who has lost his great secrets in this life, the secrets that he let his life depend on. I asked my mom , and wanted to move to another school, my refused the idea completely and said that because I love Maf that much I will meet her again.. daddy did his best to make me smile.

Before I went to bed, I smiled after praying, I really needed to talk to God for a while, I told him about everything, and a calling inside me came saying that I have never give up and I have to do my best to see Maf in the future. I told God that I left Maf and her sisters with him, and he is the best one who really appreciates and who takes care of everyone without asking for return.
The next day and the days later were busy and full of homework, I should work so hard, SO hard.
My teachers are fine, I like biology teacher and fear my mathematics teacher. But all in all, I'm doing well.
I wake up at 5:30 am and head for school at 7:00, my first class start at 8:10 am, but it is the way to school, it is full of checkpoints and roadblocks.
On Thursday , I left home at 7:00 am, and came back at 5:30 pm!!! That was amazing, the hardest day ever I lived, I had two private lessons after school, and I met my chemistry and physics teachers who teach me in the private classes, it was the first time after Eid, they saw me wearing uniform for the first time, they got shocked, they both said that I really have to grow some more, I don’t have to join college like that.
" Ok, after the last year of high school, we expect to see a beautiful young lady, oh Soleil, I love you! And love the spirit inside you, you own all the good manners that everyone dreams of getting, you little girl, be blessed" physics teacher said. " she is my eyes' true light" chemistry teacher added. I felt embarrassed, I really love them too, oh my God, I will miss them, and miss the moments I spent with them laughing, getting angry or thinking.. actually, I am extremely happy with this, although it can be considered extra exhaustion, but I love my study, it is the great and maybe the only way I can make use of to please my parents, in addition to being a good young mum
for my sisters, haha :D ;D

Two of my teachers are Christians, and they took a leave for a while.
The situation is horrible, especially against Christians, all my friends and teachers don’t come to school. The terrorists killed a cleric, and many families, they exploded three house- this what I heard of- . I called my friend Ran, all her relatives left the city.
The government sent new groups of national guards, and they all seem strong and better than the others.
I can never say that the situation is of a way, it can be changed in anytime, it brings us tiredness. This is the life that we can never hide or avoid, we have to face because there is no other choice..

Every morning I go to school I open the car window and breathe the morning breeze, and every time I do a calling inside says " don’t you care, all the wounds are going to be cured and all the hurts will go away" I believe it , but a question comes to my mind, when can everything be ok? When???

this was written yesterday.
Today, I didn't go to school, since early morning, the national guards came to our neighborhood and surrounded it. Many soldiers are here now, they have decided to inspect every spot, and they are not Maslawis, they are from Baghdad, they speak their wonderful language, Oh God!! please!! bless them, protect them and lead them to the truth.
They are a bit funny, they are full of life and high spirits, I love our national guards. They came here to give the needed help to people here, as I mentioned, the situation is not well at all.
Someone I know called me from Duhok and said that about 900 university students/ medicine college have come to Duhok and the other safe places of Kurdistan asking for help, many of them think of emigration to the west. I know two families who could get the viza and entered France and Australia about month ago.
Surely we don't need to lose more Iraqis, just think, if you, me, or anyone else deicded to leave Iraq, to whom this country will remian? to our past? or our sad present? or to our long stories that could not find the ernd yet? to whom?
I am just afriad that even the birds have decided to leave Iraq..
But in my mind, everything here is more beautiful than in any other place, even the darkness here is more beautiful, just because it is in Iraq. so, how about the Sun? and the stars??

A minute ago I got a surprise, Maf called me :) I couldn't believe it!! she asked me why I didn't go to school , she said that she is back again, and she is waiting for me tomorrow!! I am so happy, it is extra pleasure indeed. thank God!! every day I learn that I should always trust God, and I should always put my heart in his hand, he really knows everything and does the best for his true serfs.
Thank God, I sincerely thank him.
Now, I am going to study with great thoughts in my mind.
May God bless and protect everyone.

3 Oct 2008

Embarrassed Eidعيد بكل خجل

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Eid, the beautiful word. When I hear it every beautiful thing comes to my mind. The happy children in the gardens and amusement cities, the clecha, all my relatives and the eddyya that daddy gives me to buy chocolate with or to give them to the poor.
Eid… We return to our normal lives with the happiness of Eid. It's all after Ramadan, after the patience and the liberality, and after the lessons and the sermons we learn in the holy days.

This Ramadan was humbly happy, it brought the sight of pleasure we sought the years ago after the war. It was so much better. My relatives in Baghdad were able to go out and spend nice moments at late times at night.
The Iraqi artistic production was very good. I had the chance to watch very good TV series.
Al- Iraqi channel , it mainly presented a show called " love mayor" , the reporter goes to a district and meet people there, then ask them about the situation, and about a man they can elect to be "love mayor" for that place, they begin to give names and the manners, finally a man is chosen and in his house ,a big banquet in al-futur time , consisting of very delicious Iraqi food, this show reminds us of the great days of sharing that our ancestors had and urge people to create days like those and better. Wonderful generosity is shown.
" Seven sisters" show, is of meaningful comedy, it is from far places in the marshes, a story of seven sisters and their brother, they lose their mom and their brother should wait until they all get married (relying on the mother's will before her death), and by events, it is clearly shown how important is to treat the girl well, and how wonderful is the sister, how would you feel if you had seven sister?!! ;D.
" Fire years" is an excellent show of Al –Baghdadyya satellite channel, it takes the look upon the life of people of marshes, during the years 1990-2003 and later, it presents the war that happened between people of marshes and the government at that time, it produces secrets, and the actors and actresses were perfect, they could speak and in marsh language which can be the hardest even in Iraq. To be honest, I couldn’t understand so much of their talking, but It is a very important show indeed, events and realities really happened in far laces from here, and many people might forget those stories.
Awatif al- Salman, was a great star in this show, I admire their ability to continue the way in these hard times..
" girls house" a show of the present time, it gives a look about a kind of Iraqi families, daughter and their suffer with their father and brothers, it is a very good show too.
But surely I couldn’t watch all the episodes, but all in all , I could understand the aims.
Al-baghdadyya channel also produced a show names " question by lira" , the reporter ( who is a very good actor called Hafidh N'aybee) goes to all the Iraqi cities in the west, south, north and east and walk among people to ask them a question and who can find the answer is given a lira. It is an excellent show too.
Ramadan spread peace and made us live the tranquility that we need from time to time, to be close to God, worshipping and giving.
Then Eid came..

We travelled to Duhok to spend several days there, we visited the city centre, what caught my attention is the new buildings and streets, although I have visited Duhok this summer ( in July), but it appears with a difference, then we went to the zoo, a small calm garden, the dreams city and the market. We stayed at a motel called " chanar".
I saw animals in the zoo, and remembered the zoo of Baghdad, how great it was!! I remembered when I first saw the lion, how scared I turned!! But as usual, it is not perfect.
In the garden, there were swings, I sat on one of them, and mom gave me a good push, I kept laughing with tears, I want to stay a child, I want to go back to those days, when I was building the small house of cubes and trying to put my dreams into, when I was gathering flowers and give them to mommy, when I was spending the time playing with daddy, when I was sitting on my grandma lap listening to stories of the Iraqi heritage, when I was drawing a funny smiles and goats… how nice were those days!!!
The other day we took the way to Zakho, it is a beautiful village near the Turkey borders.
There I stood on the Abbasi bridge for the first time, and there we visited a Kurdish family of my mom's friends.
We went to their house. Firstly I felt a bit confused, but they were greatly welcoming people, the family consists of nine boys , two girls and the parents. They keep laughing at their number, and say they form a good team of football!! Hahaha
I entered the house, sat on the sofa, but I preferred sitting on the floor, just like the family members, they are so simple people, and their house is of eastern design, they have a fountain in the middle..
Then, we came to know all the members, let me tell you a secret, I really felt tired of saying hi and smiling!! hahahaha, but I felt so happy. They have many children, the all were noisy, and considering me as a new member of the family ;D I had to take care of them while the parents were talking and the others were busy with work, I sat in the middle of them, they were six children and four babies, the problem I had was that they didn’t speak Arabic and I didn’t speak Kurdish!! I spoke in English!hahaha, I didn’t know what to do, I soon went to the mother carrying three babies who were playing by my hair and trying to put my fingers inside their mouths, yaw!! I don’t know what they thought my fingers to be, milk!! mmmm , I told her I love children and babies but I can't get in touch with those, she kept laughing, and asked me to do anything else I like. Surely, I chose joining the other girls, two of the family and the third was their sister in-law, they were cooking, and only one of them whose name was Safa could speak Arabic!! Whenever someone wanted to tell me something, she asked Safa to translate!! Hahaha, they made a special Kurdish food, it was like big balls made of rice and meat, and I don’t know what else, the only thing I realize was that everything was delicious, but I helped them in making Salad and finger chips! Hahaha.
After the lunch, we all went to the mountains, a place called Sharanish.
On the way, I listened to Yanni symphonies and there were beautiful trees, and the sky was clear except of a place was white like cotton, I felt so glad , my spirit was like a plume. There was a waterfall, and a cave with frozen water!! It was so deep, and it was too dark, we needed a torch. Then, we parked the cars in a safe place and went to have a snack at the versant , they just did this to make me get rid of my fear of high places, I can't deny I did all my best, the good thing I didn’t feel dizzy, oh! Thank God!
Then , we took our day back to Duhok , then to Mosul the next day.

The first day of Eid was "calls day" for me, hahahaha. I have 53 cousins!! Many uncles and aunts, I had to talk to them all, I felt too tired of talking, everyone blamed me for being absent , I told them it was supposed I stay at home, but daddy just insisted on me to have a rest from study. I got it thankfully.I called my teachers too, English, physics and chemistry teachers. we exchanged the wishes..
I'm doing well with my study, and school will get start next week.

The sad thing is that two explosions happened in Baghdad today and one yesterday, they just don’t want people to have fun, they feel so sick and horribly afraid of seeing people happy, they are sick and they want us to be like them, hopeless and afraid, but no, we chose our way to be as clear as the sky which carry the wonderful sun.
Talking about Eid reminds me of something I really like to be away from , but it needs some.
In the Islamic almanac, as I mentioned in my other post, months beginnings are decided on the moon series, the completed series of the moon consists one month.
So , when it starts its series, it’s the first day. After Ramadan, Shawal starts ( the Muslim months are : Muharram, Safar, Rabee' al –awal, Rabee' al-thani, Rajab, sha'ban, Ramadan, Shawal , Dhulku'da and Dhulhijja and these months are of 29 days or 30), and the prophet – may god's blessings and peace be upon him – taught the Muslims that whenever people be able to see the moon clearly by eye in the sky they may decide the month's beginning and if they are not be able to see it they should continue the month to the 30th day, and this what had to be done in Iraq, it is not true that people start Eid on Tuesday ( following KSA) and people on Wednesday
( following Iran) and others on Thursday!!!!!
Please!!!! Don’t make us lose the happiness and light of being unity and forgetting our differences.
My thought is that an association should be made of scholars from shia and sunna, and those scholars should keep seeing the month every time and tell us the true start. We don’t have to follow any other country, we are Iraqis and we taught the others the true lives, and the others learnt from us how to write and how to ride the wheel and make use of it, how can we be different now???!!!!!!!!!
No, this shouldn’t happen, and it isn’t happening today, people are so sick of this, and everyone's idea is like mine, we have our faith and great religions and minds ,no one should teach us, we got the experience from ourselves, so no mistakes should be done anymore, please!!!!
I decided to celebrate Eid for six days this time ;D :D
May God bless your days and keep you safe, and may all your dreams come true, may peace fill our lives and may pleasure move away our sad tears..

And the sun can't be seen except in the clear sky, let's make our sky fully clear, and if there were clouds hard to be moved away, let's make use of them as the simple boats the carry us to the safe bank, and we can do that, we really can do it, do it when no one expect..

Just like the sun,
للعيد حكاياته , حماماته و هلاله, ما يحززني هو ترديد كثير من ابناء بلدي
باي حال عدت انت يا عيد ؟ ابما مضى؟ ام لامر فيك تجديد؟
عسى ايامنا ان تكون كلها افراح و نعلك صواني شموع, دمتم سالمين....I

This post was written last night

21 Sep 2008

A flower

One day, as I was walking,
I saw a beautiful flower,
Something so unique,
Making its beauty have such power,

It was like nothing as I had seen before,
Even in a fairy tale.
It stood out to me so much,
Even with its colours so pale.

On any other day,
I might have walked right by,
Never even given it a second look,
But that day it caught my eye.

It reminded me of something else,
Important in my life.
A friendship that was fading,
And the gap left in my life.

As I was gazing at the flower,
A thought came to my mind.
What if that flower dies?
What if a better friendship I'll never find?

So , i dug it up,
And took it with me,
planted it in my garden,
And waited for it to seed.

I planted those seeds,
Everywhere I could,
But none of them grew as well,
So still only that one stood.
It made me realize something,
Nothing I planted would be better,
Like the friendship I had,
Nobody could ever replace her.

And maybe that's what,
That flower was for,
Put her to remind me,
That there would only ever be one of her.
And every day I see that flower,
Reminding me what to do.
To put things back on track again,
Bringing back that friendship which was true...
by anonymous
May God bless all the true friends..

13 Sep 2008

Great days of ramadan

"To be closer to Allah" , this is the main aim for the Muslims to do in this blessed month. To be closer by all the means. helping others, praying, spreading mercy and justice, and fasting.

Fasting the is most special feature of Ramadan. I love the time when mom awakes us all for the early breakfast at dawn (at 4:00 am) which we call "Al-suhur", everyone takes his/her place around the table, with listening to papa while he reads Al-Koran with his wonderful voice.

We spend almost 14 hours without food nor water. The weather is hot which leads our insistence of obedience to grow. Just to feel how the poor feel, just to be patient and able to learn to BE even in the hardest times.

In the evening, while the sun sets- at hearing the caller to prayers announcing the suitable time to start eating- we all gather around the same great table, having dinner which we call" Al- futur".

The great spirit of this month is with the moon, because Ramadan is –just like the other Muslim months which are twelve- gets start when the moon comes to be born , and ends when the moon dies in the end of its series, and this lasts for 29 or 30 days.
The moon gives me a great feeling in the night, hope that the sun is going to shine the next morning.

Ramadan means so much for the Muslims, in this month there is a special night called " laylat al- qadr" in this night the prophet Mohammad met the angel Gabriel for the first time who gave him the first words of the holy Koran as a message from God.
Most Muslims do their best to stay awake all the night worshipping. Praying, reading Koran or even studying(as the great Islam asks people to get knowledge).Any good thing will bring the great benefit.
We have our faith which leads us to continue the way, and to make all our days just like Ramadan's ones, full of mercy , peace and justice.

On Sunday , I was so sick, I just got it when I was at school, the teacher noticed that too and put his hand on my front, I was sooooooo hot, "Oh my God!! Soleil! You are hot!!, ok, let me see, .." the teacher said.
It was fever!!! I got vertigo after a while and vomit. It was too bad. But the girls in my physics class are so wonderful, they kept taking care of me and comforting me.
They kept saying " oh, so we just realize now why you are sick, it is because the sky is cloudy, or it is cloudy because you are sick. Ok , soleil and the sun are both sick, so, how we could live without?" ..

When I got home , I headed to bed and slept for 4 hours, during them I got 26 text messages asking about me, hahaha , I felt so happy, it is so great to realize that many people like you, right?. My mom felt worried, but I kept comforting her that I'm ok, I will get better soon. But I didn’t feel that fine indeed,. I just didn’t want her to worry about me.

In the night, I received a calling from my teacher of physics to see how I'm doing, I thanked him so much. He is a so kind man , and he admires me highly indeed.
For two days, I was stuck in bed with the fever, but I went to school though, I had important lessons and couldn’t miss them.

Then, I noticed something strange in a place so near to my jaw, I told mom soon ( it is the first time I do, because I myself felt scared, I felt if I don’t tell my mom I will be worse, and I don’t want this, because I have my important study to catch up with ), she took me to the doctor.

The doctor was a very good person, a true doctor, and kept making fun with me. daddy liked him too much. And he diagnosed my case so well and gave me needles which I hate so much!!!
When we went to the doctor, we passed through the fish market, where daddy bought fish (which he adores!!).
In the night , a car bomb exploded in the street away from home, but on my way to school today,i saw that many houses got damages, but no victims among citizens.
The situation in Ramadan is special. The daily curfew only lasts for 4 hours. From midnight to 4:00 am.
The families are able to go out in the night doing their favorite visits. I hope everything will improve more and more..

What pleased me the most is I saw a wonderful show on al-baghdadia channel , which is a very good one. This show showed many Iraqis gathered on a bridge in Baghdad called " Al- A'imma bridge " in Iraqi " Jisr al – a'imma" , and it is the bridge which joins Al- kadhimyya with al- a'dhamiyya in Baghdad. And it is the same bridge where we lost about 1200 Iraqis a few years ago :-( . And they were from different sects. The reporter asked " is there any sunni among you?" and they all with one voice answered" NO!!!!" , then he asked " Is there any shi'i among you? " the same answer came again "NO!!!!"
" So who are you?" the reporter asked.

" Iraqiiiiiiiis!!!!!!" and laughs began to be drawn on their great faces. They all were hand in hand , with great love, peace, cooperation, mercy and brotherhood among them.

This evening I watched another show of al-iraqiyya channel, it is called " baqlawa" which is a name of a very special Iraqi dessert, and they were dealing the dessert among people ,praising the good situation in Baghdad today, that everyone is able to go out until late time and this was not possible in the last few years. Everyone is happy.

It is a great simple for the true Iraqis, united together, peaceful and merciful.
I was extremely happy. I really wished to get a very big plume to fly by and go all around Iraq to greet every great Iraqi loves his people and his country, every great Iraqi loves his message to be spreading the kindness and pity.

My uncle called me to blame me!! But when he found out I am sick, he soon changed his voice tone, hahaha. He blamed me for missing the gathering in Syria with my other relatives who came from Europe .

Ok, It was supposed that we go, but I could never miss my lessons, no ,no ,It was impossible to do. I explained the matter for him, he said that when I will graduate from high school, they all will come to Iraq in Eid or Christmas . I was so happy to hear this news, I cant wait until that time!! Haha. But anyways, I'm so happy that my mom and little sisters didn’t feel bored, because they couldn’t bear staying here , so they traveled to Lebanon and spent wonderful times there. Ok ,Ok ,just next year, many good things will happen, like traveling freely :D :D

I hope so..

And that is all for today, be safe my friends and have a great time and blessed Ramadan.


this post was written last night.

1 Sep 2008

Ahlan ramadhan!!

Hello My Dear Friends,
It is a short post, I just liked to congratulate you and say
" Ramadhan Kareem "
May Ramadhan bring all the happiness and great times for everyone.
May this Ramadhan bring us together, May all our days be blessed, and all our wishes come true.
Ramadan is the month of peace. We all pray for peace and justice.
Be safe my friends,

29 Aug 2008

Hello Violet!!

Hello my friends,
It's my great pleasure to welcome another Iraqi blogger. Her nickname will be Violet.
Violet is a good and great friend of mine, I'm sure you will enjoy her posts.
I love to thank her for editing my blog Sandybelle images. She is going to join college soon and she got a VERY high results in the last exams.
Our blog family is turning bigger day after day. We are all here to share our thoughts and ideas, God gave us, so let's give each other too...

23 Aug 2008

Facts ...

In my private classes , I came to know many new girls, and they are all nice and co-operative. I like them and they like me, we took photos together and we keep talking for along time with each other about different things . these friends told me stories I see I should mention here.

S, Z and A, are good girls indeed, and they live in a neighborhood in Mosul, this neighborhood will be named here as X.

A told me that she had left Iraq for the years 2006 and 2007 –April/ 2008, moved to Syria (where many Iraqis headed for in the hard times, there is safety and comfort, Syria doesn’t ask for visa and it is cheap for most families there. families who moved there absolutely were threatened by terrorists, or were about to be kidnapped or murdered or ..), and she was so thankful to go there, she could miss the most horrible times that X as well as the other quarters of Mosul witnessed.

Once, Z and S were in the class, when many veiled guys entered their school forcedly( high schools in Iraq are divided into two kinds, schools for boys and schools for girls, so boys shouldn't enter girls schools and girls shouldn’t enter boys schools), and entered the classes and began to shout madly. They came with the name of religion , saying that they were there to teach the girls the true teachings of Islam, and they were seeking girls who didnt wear hijab, and every girl who didn't wear socks , in addition to the cover of hair, would be punished and beaten ( it was summer, and most girls wear sandals so, but those guys wouldn’t agree with that, the true hijab as they believe is that the girl should wear socks, cover of hair and black gloves, she must only show her face, or to wear Burqu' to hide the face too !!!). Girls began to scream and cry and teachers turned very angry, but no one could speak. The guys were armed, and they were angry for no main reason, just thinking that with anger everyone would obey and submit.

Later, the headmistress came to them and asked them to leave the school peacefully , she promised them that every girl will wear the true hijab and everything will be ok as they want, and they will be pleased.

Then, the guys left school.

Z and S said that they had cried bitterly at that time, they thought they would be killed in any moment, many armed guys around them , and any one could press the trigger!!
Z said that after that event, her parents wouldn’t let her go to school for a month, she said
'' Oh Soleil, you don’t know what happened to me at that time. you know? I could bear the horrible scenes, every day I was seeing a man bleeding heavily, killed people and injured ones asking for help and no one was moving on my way to school, no no, everytime when I want to have a look at the street I see bodies in front of our house!!But I decided to bear that all. Not after that event, and my parents' insistence was unbreakable. I kept stuck at home for 1 month and a half, and every day I felt that my fear was increasing, I always saw very bad nightmares in the night, and imagining my family to be killed. I was so terrified, but gradually, it went away. Thank God!! It went away!! After that, I decided to be stronger, no matter and came back to school, the guys were coming from time to time there, but not these days. " ok, I really admire Z for her courage. Woww, maybe I would be died in the same moment.

I kept silent while they were talking, actually, I was terrified only with words, how about if I lived those moments?!!!She said that those happenings made many people lose hopes, many people left , just like A's family. She said that she knew a family lived in their street, and all this family members died as martyrs under their house debris when a car bomb exploded near them, and other Shia families left the neighborhood too, there is no one Shi'i there now .

"all the shi'it families left my neighborhood, but the all, sunnis and shi'its were victims of the main wicked direction, we all believe so, and we all hope to see our friends , sisters and brothers taking their way back home" Z added.
" but nowadays, the situation is so much better. Although there are many checkpoints on the roads, and this causes jams and make us miss lectures sometimes, but it's ok, it is greatly better than without checkpoints. But you know what Soleil? I hope the situation is better without checkpoints. I wonder, shall we live with checkpoints for life??!!!" S added.

I answered with no word.

" were the families there satisfied with this religious calling as those guys came with? What do the families say? Why couldn’t you all stand against the bad guys? If you were all together, hand in hand, you would overcome them all" I asked
" NO!! the families were always deeply sad about this but no one could speak, , it was unbearable. Soleil, you asked to be together against them? Oh!! Who will be able to stand against them?? They all were completely well armed ,and they had a secret power to support them, and actually we didn’t want to lose our fathers and brothers. We needed policemen and national guards, and thankfully they are here now. Although the situation is not perfect, we hope it will improve soon" they answered.

" but I don't like hijab, what about you Z?" I asked.
" Soleil, I dislike it but once, I was taking my way home, I wasn’t wearing hijab that time, an old man , with heavy bear saw me, I was 13 years old, and he slapped me and said that I had to wear it" She answered.


The saddest thing is that those guys came with the name of religion. It is all lies, it is all false. Religion doesn’t come with force. " there is no force in religion"/ the holy Koran.

Ok ,talking about hijab, my thought is that we shouldn’t force women to wear al-hijab, and we shouldn’t make them take it off if they want to wear it. Hijab actually is one of the most personal issues. I believe they didn’t have the right to do that.
Let me mention, that in school a teacher came to me and asked me to wear hijab, and she actually brought me one as a present, and began to explain the idea for me, that without hijab all my faith is untrue. I felt so embarrassed at that time, I didn’t want to refuse her request, I admire her so much and couldn’t say no. so I took it, and kept wearing it on the way home-school and home-market, because all the girls wear hijab and everyone would notice that I'm different from them, and many inquiries could be asked, I don’t want this to happen.

But I kept telling the teacher saying

" miss, please , listen, I love to explain my idea for you, although I'm going to wear it as you like, but I just want you to know the truth that I won't wear it forever. I don’t dislike hijab, I see it is ok, but I also see that personal freedom is the most important. Miss, religion for me is not hijab, it is deeds to do , sayings to tell , symbols to make and stories to take the morals from. Miss, the important thing for me is that I love others, do my best to stand by their side and to help them, I love to learn, learning leads me to do the best for the others, my country and lead me to create more, religion is also to do God's orders because I believe that everything Gods asks me to do is true, say truths and keep others' secrets, these are the main teachings of Islam. ", she hugged me after that and answered with no word but " Soleil , you are more beautiful with hijab :D.
99,7% of girls at school wear hijab and many of them intervene in others' personal issues by saying that who doesnt wear hijab all her deeds will be unacceptable. And I was always explaining my thoughts for them, but they don’t listen.
I know a girl in my class who always intended to refuse the idea of hijab, and she said that she would always stand by my side and we both would explain our true thoughts for the others, but suddenly I found out that she agreed with the idea of wearing hijab( agreed to oppose herself)!!!! and she told me once " ok, I went to our relatives' house wearing it, and they were surprised by my new look, they liked me with it, I will wear it always. It is fine Soleil, I read a book about it and decided to change my idea" then I knew from another friend of us, that she bought an abaya to wear it in the market!! And she had already told me that no one in the world would make her wear abaya!!! It is an example I mention to tell you that the circumstances and force can make the person change all his/her ideas and didn’t obey his/her conscience , but obey the general desire , so where is the freedom??
But today, it's ok, last time I went to the market without hijab, it was fine.
In Baghdad, there nothing like this, better freedom than here.

And to talk about the security today, it is better too, although I heard two explosions today, but it is improving, lately, Mosul airport was opened by the minister of transportations. And najef airport had been opened before this time. it is my pleasure to hear about this, it leads me to imagine our future in our blessed country.
I have also heard in the news that the US offers scholarships for the Iraqi smart students to continue their studying in the west. It sounds fine, because Iraqi education procession needs to be improved, many of the good doctors left Iraq, teachers, engineers, actors, poets, artists and …
So, within next few years everything will be ok, especially if we put our hands in each others'.

And if we remember the other part of talking " all th shi'it families left my neighborhood, but all, sunnis and shi'its were victims of the main wicked direction".

I one of my friend's cousins(who is shi'it) has married a sunni guy and they live now in al-adhmiyya in Baghdad.
Many of my uncles have married women from different sects.
The great thing is that the true, cultured and educated Iraqis believe that the gang who dislodges people from a shi'it quarter is the same who does the similar thing to other people in a sunni quarter. Actually MOST Iraqis have already believed in that, the sectarian fightings are SOOO much less than before, actually there is not anymore. I know many friends who had come from Basrah to Mosul as displaced ,and the all came back home, and while they were here I have never heard them that Shia in Basrah made them go, no, I know a man very close friend to daddy and he said once " all my close friends are Shia, and when they heard that i had been threatened they all gathered money to give me to give to the terrorists and offered me to stay at their houses, they would protect me and my family, and I'm here now after i let my house under their control" .
Sometimes I am asked by some men whether I'm sunni or Shi'I, my answer always come as " I wonder, was Muhammad –may peace and God's blessings be upon him- born to be sunni or shi'i? or was Jesus Christ was born to be Christian?"
All the religions and all the sects come for one reason, bringing the benefit for the humans. I have learnt that all the religions call for one main aim, that we all should live peacefully.
And with every new day, we see that, how many cultures are there in the world? So many indeed, and we are all on the same planet. Should who differs with us in liturgy leave to Mars? No, we are all the children of God .
I feel that the great time is so near, even though there is something bad here or there, but it's ok, we are on the true way…

17 Aug 2008

Two lessons

Whenever I see a glass not filled completely with water, I tell myself and say " I shouldn't look at the empty part of it".
Yes, we should never look or concentrate on the empty half of it, because anyways there is water in it, and our mind should be focusing on how important is the water in this glass. In our life, we could see so many like this glass, and so, we should never look at the empty half.
Iraq, I always think of it, and order myself to work so much harder to serve it, to make it so much more beautiful, with faith nothing impossible, and as I say always, we are here to be together. always, before bed, after saying prayers, I carry my doll and remember the nice moments I spent since my mom brought it to me, how nice is my doll!!! That it's always reminds me of my Iraq, and even though I walk in its streets, but this doll is special, because it gathers all the cities memories, Iraq!! Always send me messages, and every day I discover a new secret, secret warms my little heart, and secret gives me the power that I need to continue my way , to give more ,to see what lies beyond the mountains and to catch the dates which can be found there! As high as the date-palm is!!
In Iraq, there is a people, and people used to challenge the time, used to challenge the circumstances, and used to stand against the strong winds.
Days ago, I was passing by the TV, when I caught a sight of a special interview on a channel called Al-fayha'a ( Al-fayha'a is a channel belongs to the Iraqi city, Al-Basrah, to the south of Iraq, but today its main centre is in Al-sulaymaniyya which is a city in Kurdistan, to the north). I couldn’t leave my place, and there was no near chair, so I sat on the floor so close to the TV (I know, I know, it is harmful for my eyes, but I couldn’t bear the scene), I kept listening and watching attentively , what was going on in that interview?
There was cripple, his name is Soheil , was born in 1972 in Mosul!! But nowadays, he lives in Dohuk, because of the miserable situation in Mosul.
He was sitting on his moving chair, with big smile on his face, his mom in front of him. The seemed to be exchanging looks of hope and great love towards who can be seeing them and towards Iraq. I cant deny I couldn’t hide my tears, I felt helpless and began to blame myself " why I'm not a doctor now? Why I couldn’t help him?why?" I said. But after a while, I found that this man's magnificence is in being a cripple, because he is really better than many healthy people I know. His sayings filled my heart with warmness and great faith, I found out that I have so much to do in my life and so much to seek.

He can't move his body, except his little hands, but his heart and mind is so lively and full of high meanings and amazing thoughts, he is a great leader for us, yes , we have to learn from him, his faith and insistence.
He didn’t enter school , like the other children, but his father( who is a teacher as I remember) , at house, began to teach him writing and reading, so, he can write and read! He can speak and read English too and pretty well!.
With his hands, mind and heart, he could write many articles, special ones in deed. He also could draw a great panorama (about 20 meters in width!!) ,and in time he was working on it, he didn’t do any mistake!! He said that there had been no chance to do any mistake with it. The panorama tells the story of the human-being, since the first age, passing by the civilizations and people at that time ( Sumerians , Akkadians, Assyrians and the pharaohs) , then the time of Abraham the prophet( May peace be upon him), and.. and..
It's very big panorama actually, and my body did quiver at seeing it, and I am still wondering, why I did quiver??!!! Maybe because I could see all the times ago in one moment!! And I could remember the past that I never lived in, but my ancestors did, and my ancestors made this country and taught others writing. and maybe because I could realize how great is the world!!
With his little hands and great mind and heart, he could read more than 500 books!!(I'm not sure of the number). And you should see, how cultured and open-minded he is!!
Soheil, is one of the stars that stud Iraq sky, and his main aim is to do a great survey about Iraq and Iraqi people. Soheil, didn’t lose hope or faith, didn’t think of suicide (like how some HEALTHY people think whenever they face a problem), didn’t give up, because Soheil knows that he is here, and shouldn’t leave this world (like all of us, when we'll leave someday) without doing something reminds all of us and our next generations that he was here one day. Soheil!! That Iraqi simple man!!
I carry a great admiration towards this person. Let me make a bow .
Soheil admires the PM Mr. Noori Al-Maliki, not because he is a PM but because he always repeats the sentence of " we have to work for the ONE'S FREEDOM", because Soheil believes in the freedom that all the religions call for. Soheil and his mother ask the government to do its duty to make our way better than now, and to make Iraq more developed , we have the experience and we have the treasures, the only thing we need is that we have to use our minds in one time together, TOGETHER.
At the end of the show, his mom was asked to say some words, and the only thing she said " stop hallowing the ear, and let's hallow the human himself"Soheil believes that the greatest relationship is the one between the man and Allah. He also believes that all the religions came to serve the human, and no need for the religion if there wasn't humanity. And all the religions carry the same meanings , and we all have to live peacefully with each other, and the best way to live is living with peace and justice.

I won't talk more about him, I will leave you with his articles
English site
Arabic site
May God bless Soheil, and I'm putting my hand in his, we all here to serve our great Iraq


the iraqi flag is carried by Al-hilfi in the opening ceremony of Beijing.

A few days after that , I watched the starting ceremony of the Olympic games in Beijing .How great it was!! The playground was perfect ( bird's nest), and all the bands were awesome. I liked the section of drawing the dove, it was so special.
Teams from all around the world came to participate, Iraq, Syria, Qatar, Egypt, USA, Canada, Mexico, Italy, Japan, Turkey, Panama, Switzerland, France, Morocco, Korea, Lebanon, Yemen, Iran, Sweden, UK and many many others take part in various sports. The wonderful thing is to see all the world united in one place!! Without differences and without fighting, a great aim is there , the noble competition, and who works the best deserves the gold finally, silver or bronze, and the other aim is to let the flags flutter in the sky.
I see I have to thank China and Beijing for being the mother of all the world for a month :D :D
Although I got pain that Iraq's team is not like the others, Iraq is poor with sports, it needs so much to be improved, but soon I remembered my doll and the future, and my faith came back to me that our way is so large and we are the ones who have to work and the ones who have to complete it.
I still remember the great clapping for the Iraqi team in the ceremony by all people there. I felt that all the world loves Iraq and Iraq is not alone at all, we have our friendships with the other countries, we admire the other cultures and their nations.

World , its such a great place ofr us to live in, with our all differnet cultures, tongues and colours can be united when we want, and we all want to be united, because we are all her for each other. We have to forget all the differences and all our races , we just have to remember that with being with ourselves and being with each other ,we can remain the ones that our ancestors should be proud of.
Our ancestors gave us, so let's make good use of what we got, let's try to live peacefully, and let's get the lessons from Soheil and the Olympic games.


pictures of children of all the world, with children we see the innocence and so we can live happily... May we save great innocence in our hearts!!..

five circles referring to our simple world, no, it's large world, but we all live in it and make it just like one village, and we are the families, and we all work for making it better.. IT'S OUR WORLD!!

May God bless our World...

1 Aug 2008

It reminds me of every part of me

At 4:00am I woke up, did dawn prayers. Then, the time was 4:20 am, I began to count the seconds, one after one. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven , twelve ,thirteen , fourteen, fifteen and sixteen!!!woww!!

Just now!! I'm sixteen!!

The other night(when I was still fifteen), I kept remembering the sad things that happened all the years ago and forgot them in one minute, I decided to be a new, to take all the chances that have been given to me, this is the best way to have a new day, new year and new life.

I noticed that I had got a text message, I checked my mobile inbox, and said
" Wowwww!! really ??!!! hahaha, let me guess! this is why I had had that great dream yesterday!! because the friend remembered and mentioned me , hahaha" , I really had a great dream , it was like I was a doctor, and was sitting in a beautiful garden, with my best friends, and behind us, there was a hospital which I was in charge of!! My friends kept praising me in the dream. There were many children too, everybody was happy, and my family was flying , very nice plane. There were butterflies , doves , teddy bears and sparrows. Very great dream indeed, I wish you have seen such dream before, if not, I'm sure you will :D

The friend congratulated me, " happy birthday!", that what was written, how great I felt!!

Suddenly, mom woke up, she ran to my room, to make sure if everything was ok. I was extremely embarrassed, I didn’t mean to awake her. Later, she noticed my red cheeks, she kept laughing. When she left the room, I felt of a strange feeling, I cant call it, I just wanted to hug her, to stay on her laps for life, it was like I felt I'm still two minutes old, just like what happened sixteen years ago.

I kept imagining the matter. Mom left to the hospital at 3:00 am, and just at 4:20 she gave birth to me, after almost 7 months pregnancy! Daddy was standing near the window, waiting, after a while, the nurse came to him, and told him that a baby girl was born. Then, daddy, turned to the window, the sun was about to rise, as soon as he saw the first ray, he took a deep breathe, and decided to name me, this is why my name is related to the dawn and sun ,and since that time, I was called "how is her name, how is really she". Ok, dears, this is what I heard from the others about my birth, I wasn’t aware of what was going on at that time, I just realize that I was born, not only to be alive , walk, talk, but I was born to do, and work with the saying " the best one who does do the best for the others".

Then, I suddenly received another text from another great friend, I was very happy, really, just like the plume, flying among roses , with a great mountain behind.
Then, I headed for school ,I took juice and cake. On my way, I remembered the song that daddy was always singing (until I became 7 years old, daddy was always singing for me, carrying me between his arms and walking all around the room, so, I could sleep comfortably. :D

It is an Arabic song, but this can be a good translation for it
" from a city to city , from a place to place, all your days, you!! little sparrow!! couldn’t love any person but my little baby. You !!Soleil (he means me) , you !!jasmine!! our yearning took us , from a place to a place"

I love this song so much.

Then, the driver said suddenly" Sandy!! Don't you hear me? We arrived school!!"

"oh!!yes!!" I answered.

I entered the school, and took my way to the teachers' room, I entered it, there was the headmaster, the assistant, and my chemistry teacher, I was full of shyness and said" good morning, I just brought some cake for you, today is.."
" oh man!!! it is her birthday!!" chemistry teacher interrupted me.
Then, the headmaster came and gave me a kiss on my front( he always reminds me of my grandpa, oh, how much I miss my grandpa!) and said" I don’t want to say anything, but may all your dreams come true, may you be the great person you want to be, may you be a great doctor , to serve our Iraq, to please your parents and to make me happy ".
" I hope I'll see you celebrating your birthday in surgery room!! with bodies around you, hahaha, I'll keep laughing at you at that time , you little girl, hahaha" chemistry teacher said.( chemistry teacher is a very funny man, he loves me so much, once I could read his mind!!haha)
Then, Arabic language teacher came, and saw me, the headmaster told him about the matter.
" so!! Last Friday, when you had the war against bees , you was only 15 !!hahaha" Arabic language teacher said.
((last Friday, I had an Arabic language lesson, and I was sitting next to the window, when many bees wanted to sting me. Actually, I thought first that it was one bee, and whenever I kill it, I found another one . ' Sir!!it is one bee with seven souls!!" I said to the teacher.
" but do you know that today you became a great terrorist against e bees!!!hahaha, dear , there is a hive near the window, it It's better for you to change your place" he answered.))
" Oh!! So , we aren't the only ones who love her!!! You love her too!!" the headmaster said.
" I have already told you that I love her the most, and more than how you do" Arabic language teacher answered.
"and I love her too, I remember her very well, when she came to do the text to join the Smartest students school, which is in Baghdad, but her father felt worried about sending her there, because Baghdad wasn't good at that time. happy birthday for me sweet daughter!!" another chemistry teacher added as soon as he entered the room.
I felt so high, I wanted to fly, no, I was flying inside. It is so nice to realize that many people ,of whom you meet, love you at that much, and it leads you to decide to remain the person in their eyes, and to do all your best to BE.
I left their room, and took my way to the class, where I had an exam and got full makr in!!haha.
Then, I took my lessons. in the end of the day,all the teachers came and thanked me to remember them in this special day. Then I went to the worker at our school, I gave him something, I don’t know how he could feel, but the only thing I can say is that I saw a great sheen in his eyes, he kept praying for me.
I took my way back home, as soon as I arrived, I remembered my feeling, and hugged my mom, it was like it was the first time I hug her in!!!
Sisters were talking in whispers. I had lunch and went to study, at 7:30 pm. I had a small party at my house, when my friend Sj came(she lives in our neighborhood), and we kept listening to music, and talking about different things. At last she thanked me for letting her sharing my this special occasion.
I received texts messages from my other friends congratulating me,(many of whom I invited couldn’t come, they either had wedding parties of their relatives or the ways were blocked.( I received 27 texts!!haha)
I received a text from my friend Ran, then , she called me, she kept talking about the days we spent together , about every moment we laughed together in, we played and sang. About our picnics and how happy , wonderful and beautiful we were together!!
Do you know what? Many of my other friends had believed at first that she could be my twin!! The same out look, and a great harmony was between us.
In the evening, my sisters invited me to the special party (party for the three sisters only), and kept hugging me, and saying wishes. I felt so much happy.
In the night, I went to be, just like everyday , but that day was special, the first day, the first night I'm sixteen.
I said prayers, and kept thinking of my future, there is so much waiting for me to do.
I'm sure that Allah will always be, he is always here, and this is why I could be happy.
I remembered everything I have learned , and decided to make all my mistakes a source of learning, this is the best way for me to be pleased.
My faith leads me, my eyes can see, but the only thing that I devote my all life for to be able to see is The sun and what lies beyond it.

I made a wish and blew candles. May the wish come true, as well as yours.

Be happy like how I was, so, you will realize how much I feel I'm alive.


Update: situation here is so-so, everyone is talking about a new military operation.
I'm calling Maf from time to time, and she is doing well, I'm trying to do all my best with her, and I can notice how much she feels better now, but we all have to remember that no one can replace mammy.but as I always tell her, we are all here for her, and we are all together.
I kept talking to her offering help and I told her to join the private lessons with me (and I already arranged that, and was ready to pay the money for them, just if she said yes. but no, her dignity led her ot refuse my offers, although I did my best to make her believe that what I'm doing is not as charity, no, it is my duty that I help her, because I love her very much. She kept thanking me , then, I kept repeating words to encourage her, that I'm always here for her.
Iraqi students of 6th class of high schools received their marks, so many of my friends were very happy for their results. But other students say that the questions were not easy. My opinion is that the questions shouldn't be easy, although we don’t have electricity and any good studying spaces, but we are Iraqis and we used to challenge the age and the circumstances, and this is why we are different, we are the men who told people how to create cultures, we are the makers of the first civilizations, we are a great people. And as well, joining college is not that simple thing, only the students who really deserve to go to the college that they like should get their true chances as I see, and I saw the questions actually, they were not difficult, and they were not easy. This is my teachers' opinion too.
My friend basma got 89%, Zuzu got 93%( which I considered as a great achievement if we remember the horrible times she faced. Saba' got 95,4%, Arwa got 95;7%.
The averages are not that high this year, the first successful student who is from Baghdad got 97,9% whose name is Sama. My only wish is that everyone got as much as he/she gave. May God bless everyone…