They call me with my name, which is related with his, and they say that it is a special one , and it refers to my inside, and actually he named me with my name after taking her opinion about it, so, the question is, Could he reach my inside since I was 1 moment old!!!
He could , yes. And this is why he can understand me, and see how I see things and support me to be who I am .
He calls me , and when he calls me, I feel of my wings, how great they are , as they try to take me to the other world. Where I am creating my dreams and put them in a great house. House of wonders . my wings keep taking me all around , and I feel so great to see my house trees , they are growing very rapidly, as my house is being rebuilt day after day.
When I sleep, I go to that house, and suddenly see him , standing beside my bed, with surprise, I say " Oh dad!! Why are you standing gazing at me!! Haha, good morning!!"
Then he would reply " I'm here to awake you, as usual, haha"
" but I was in my dreams world!! I love to go there always .dad!! my world, I have talked to you about, where I can see all the children happy. White and negroes , and people from different places, all together, sitting, doing, talking, around my house!! There , where no explosions, no misery and no sadness. The all are equal ,without differences, where I can see the moon listening to happy stories, overhearing the kids as they laugh ,feeling happy about the prince who married the princess and ruled a great kingdom full of unity and love, together, one hand. For united world for peace!! Haha, as my friend likes to name it" .I answer
" but I am here to awake you, to make you talk more and more about it, here to help you to live in that world, not only when you are asleep, but also when you are awake!!" he would reply.
" Oh, you are right!! I have a lot to do this day, day after day, I feel that what is waiting for me is so much better and greater than what I missed. I have a lot to do, and let me do , today again!" I would say, and then I would jump and hug him, he would kiss me and arrange my bed ( actually, for a while, I myself began to arrange my bed. Hahaha).
Then the day would start with hope and looking forward the best.
" what is important of what you see, is what you look forward to", whenever I hear this sentence from him, I feel I am new again, like the dove when makes a new nest .
He is like that, always. Although I love to fight him many times, guess how? I fight him by jokes!! Haha, every time , he wins, haha. I can never make others laugh like how he does, hahaha. But when I feel sad (as you know , I am the loser ,haha), he says ' haha, you can never win!!! Do you fight me? Me? With my experience with jokes? Haha" I would gaze at him . but he adds
" Ok, let me tell you something, you make others feel happy inside, with smile or without .hahaha , I love you to be who you are. Always. May you promise me to be who you are!! Even though you lose with jokes"
And when I talk to him about subjects I disagree with him about, he says " ok, I am here , listening , let you say, haha", he listens
And when I find myself alone or sad deeply, I directly go to him, stand in front of him, and begin to look at him with wondering looks, he soon reads my eyes and says " ok, what's there? Dear!! "I soon feel shy, and embarrassed, how can I feel sad while I have such daddy!! Mammy and sisters and brothers!! And when I could find the friends, he said " ok, maybe you won't need me anymore, will you?"
" What????????!!!!!! No, I will never find daddy except you, baba!! I love you, and no one can replace you!! " , then he would laugh.
Daddy taught me how to be good , free and kind with the paupers and poor people. And orphans . daddy lost his father when he was 13 years old, and I always feel sad about him, and sad about all the orphans . guess what he says " dear, let me take a promise. As you feel sad about me, although I myself am father right now! That you will treat all the orphans greatly and kindly, and as usual, to be whom you are. "
Daddy is very successful man with his work . he loves his work. And daddy supports me to be whom I like to be, so I will do great job with it, because I love what I work.
Daddy is handsome, and very tender-hearted , very very . daddy loves all the people. And even the evil ones!! He says " evil ones are like good ones, and whenever they find the space for them to build the bridge of peace and kindness inside them, they will turn great ones. And the good ones do never hate, do never!! Because we are here to share and live!"
Daddy, you are right!!and I love you. But do you know what? Daddy always says " you are better than me, and your spirit is more beautiful than mine! You carry your mom's very great features!" and this is painful for me, because I can never be better than him, everyone is special , and the world is so much more beautiful that we are all here…
I love you dad!!
I, two days ago, went to the school , for the private lessons, and met the wonderful teachers, the one of French language is very cute one, he took me to the schoolmaster to prepare for the groups, and I talked to him about French and France ( he has gone there), I felt I knew him than before, we kept talking like we know each other for a long time!! even though it is the first meeting. J
Wish me luck, please!!
Situation is the same one week ago , but we are still careful , it is not fit yet. But all our hopes is that it will improve ,and turn better and better. but unfortunately, my mom's friend lost her husband ( who is a professor at the college) in a terrorist attack. Criminals surrounded his car and shot his two sons, and they are both at the hospital , and one of them is in very dangerous case.
I was sooooo sad for them, she is very good mam, and she doesn’t deserve what she faced. And for the long years, she gave a lot, and lost a lot, many sacrifices to bring up her children well and to make them achieve their dreams. And her husband was a great peaceful man. May his soul rest in peace!!
I was ill for a while (hypoglycemia and anemia ), and couldn’t study , but today
I did my missed lessons. And did an exam at home!! The teacher gave me an envelope which the questions piece of paper was inside in and I did well!! It is the first exam I do at home !! my sisters kept making funs, hahaha.
I dont know, I am always ill!!!! LoL, i should take care of myself and eat well. :) :)
Take care of yourselves and stay safe,
7 Jun 2008
Slowly, while I was gathering my stationery things at my teacher's house, I found out that she had put a piece of dessert and a glass of orange juice , she said " let you have them on your way to the school dear ", I actually was surprised ,but so happy at the same time. I asked her not to irk herself , but she said " irk? Hahaha, do you know what? Among all the best students that I have met you are the special one, your spirit is wonderful dear, like the flying butterfly in the middle of the hell , flying trying to spread her wings to reach the flower , but why butterfly? What about the sun? rays … you are the sun in the middle of the dark sky ". I thanked her and took my way school.in fact, i did my best to leave her house quickly , i was embarrassed.. i dont like praising, but they say they dont praise me and it is the truth.. this is so hard for me, i should work more to keep my reputation..
I have started my physics lessons about a week ago, as well as chemistry ones. As I told you friends, it is important to prepare for the sixth grade by studying the text books during the summer holiday , to learn more, and then to get high marks, so our future careers will be defined successfully.
Many of my people ask me about the career that I like to be working, of course , at the top of the list there is Medicine studying, I love to be a doctor , for me, this job carries all the meanings of kindness, and caring and …, and sacrifices. So , the great man is who does the great for the others. and I love to be a teacher or a lawyer. I'll do my best all the times. But being the doctor is the main aim.
Our text books are religion ( two books, The holy Koran, and Islamic teachings in the prophet's wills) , Arabic language ( two books, grammar and literary book which include the poems of the most famous poets of the modern decades ), English language ( two books, literary novel, and grammar book), French language , mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology and that is all.
And I myself will study all the subjects in the summer holiday, but the subject that I'm going to study with teachers are ( physics, chemistry, mathematics and French language), the main desire of studying with teachers is that the school teachers don’t finish all the subjects during the school time because it is long as they pretend to say. I don’t know, I think there is a negligence by them, so we need to have teachers ( private lessons ) paying money in return, but you know what? My heart is breaking to see that some students can't have teachers for their being poor, or some others' pay all their best and give all the sacrifices to make their children equal to the others.
Anyway, I don’t care about having the summer classes ( I didn't want at first, but those were my parents who insisted on me to have them) , because the only thing that I'm sure of is that God doesn't forget his serfs, I will do my best and work hard and I will help the poor ones that I know and tell them about all the ways that the teachers teach us to make the right answers of the questions.
My physics teacher is very lovely motherly woman, she likes me so much and likes my name. chemistry teacher is very bizarre man, he makes jokes by very weird way, I didn’t like it first and I told him, because he hurt me by one them, he apologized very politely( although he is older than my dad!!) and I gradually began to get used to his ways. He is funny man. Anyway, May God bless our ways ( you and I and all the others ) and make us able to DO.
One of the news that pissed me off is that there is new directions reached the branch of the ministry education in Mosul saying that the students are allowed to do the exam of the smart students once all their study years. I didn’t believe that at first, and asked my uncle to go to the main ministry in Baghdad to make sure of the news. He went there and said that the news are true. So , actually I got shocked and felt sad for a while. But anyway, what is written in the stars can't be changed.
But something has to be said, that the education system in Iraq can be considered the best in the Middle East, but it needs to be improved. I think it should be like the one of Japan , USA, UK or so. it is not a hard request, because the Iraqis have mind, thoughts and hands. and to make them work together is the best way to live peacefully. one of these good ways is to work to improve the education.
My friend Ran called me, and I hard could hide my tears ( actually I didn’t hide them), she is doing well, thankfully, she asked me to visit her in her city, I said "Yes" I really miss her and miss the nice moments that we spent together, walking in the school yard, playing the game of friendship ( as I like to name it ) , how understandable for each other we were, how BEAUTIFUL we were!!! I hope she will come back, when she will come back , I will be realizing that the dark days turned part of the past. ( But God is here always, and he compensated me with GREAT OTHER ONES, GIFTS FROM GOD. But Ran and the great mments with her are here alive in my heart ).
An other friend of mine Basma, called me, she is in the sixth grade, she feels so scared and worried about the exams, she asked me maybe 1000 times to pray for her, hahahaha, she is wonderful girl friends, she likes me too much and asks about me, and when I gave her my cell phone number I became daily receive SMSs from her, very cute local poems. I kept telling her some teachings how to spend exams times, she kept thanking me, I felt so happy to hear from her. Actually I will pray for her and all the others , including Zuzu. Zuzu has left to a little town near Mosul, because when they started to rebuild their house, a group of terrorists put mines at the gate of the house saying " from where did you get money to rebuild again? You should give them to us " !!!!!!!, I am sick of them, the bad guys, and pray for that day when we'll get rid of them forever.
I myself called Maf, she is doing well, her grandma is staying with them, actually the quarter where they live is very dangerous. Her sisters are doing well, actually , she felt very happy to hear my voice as she said. I' m ready t d anything for her. Do you know what? I don’t know , but I feel that my mom as her usual has done something, but she always refuses to tell me. Mmmm. Wise , stubborn mammy. Mmm.
My French teacher called me, asking me how I'm doing, as well as my Arabic language teacher, I was so shy to talk to them, anyway, they don't consider me as a student, I don't know, they just care about me so much.
And for the record, I have visited my art teacher, she lives in our neighbor, and she was so excited to see me and my mom standing at their house gate. She welcomed us warmly , and she began to praise me in front of my mom, so I soon took her permission and thanked her and told her that I had some work to do, so I left. I noticed that she kept smiling, so I think that she have remembered that I feel soooooo shy of praising. hahaha. Actually, I really had a lot of work to do, and I was able to postpone it, but it was a good pretext for me to leave that place, i would be burnt of shyness. although one of my best friends has realized that I'm BRAVE!!.
A great friend and I prepared for another friend's birthday, I don't know how the friend really felt, maybe surprised , maybe completely happy, but the only thing that I had to say
" Just two little words…..So pleasant to say
Especially for you…. On your special day
Bringing the best wish…. Anyone ever knew
And one that's wished over…. And over for you "
And I am here saying THANK YOU to God becaue he led my way , and is leading every now and then.
A few days ago, my dad came back from the college, he seemed so sad, he said that a dear friend of his own , the dean's assistant of the agriculture college was murdered by a mine was put under his car.
Dad lost a friend again, I can't understand, how could they put the mine inside the campus?!!!!!!! Inside the campus?!!!! What does that mean? What about the policemen who guarded the campus? Where were they? Mmmm it needs thinking but..
Dad met his friend's sons who burst in tears at seeing him. Dad could hard not to cry ( he is a man) .The situation is getting better, but some sad events is still happening from time to time, but it is less than before. So , may these days be the last ones.
And my mom's workmate, another Prof. at the university visited us , and said that she a few days before the operation has seen the terrorists slaying a man in front of her eyes !!!! she kept crying for a long time ( He was one of the best men that she knew, but he was murdered because he was from another sect, I don't know how sometimes some people think? they killed him, and now what? they only caused hurt and pain for his family for life , and right now, they only have the nice memories of him to think about) and my mom and I kept calming her down, actually it is too hard to see someone at that condition and no one can do anything, armed criminals everywhere, threatening the poor families. I can't deny that such scenes are too much less than before, but I can't deny also that the situation is not completely good, no, not at all. It needs to improve , and this needs all of us to work hard together. Not only the national guards or the policemen, but also all the citizens .. Let's pray for the happy end.
Two days ago, I took my way to a special place.
My mom's friend gave birth to a little female baby, they have not chosen the name yet, she wants to name her with my name, and the dad wants to name her with other one. Haha
The wonderful thing, is that the she gave the birth in a hospital, and it is the same where I was born!!!!
When I arrived, my dad quickly took me to the room where I took breath for the first time, I felt of a strange feeling, like I was born at that present moment, how was I !!! I don't know, I have seen myself only by photos, how nice feeling is when the one thinks that he/she is still a bay , yes, I'm a baby, and will remain baby with all my words and emotions.
But, I later asked my dad " dad? Was the room as dirty as it seems now?" , dad said " NO!, the room was different, actually, every place in the hospital was different, many bad things took place. Mmm, and the doctor who was the supervisor of your birth has left Iraq. Mmmm, the hospital needs to be rebuilt, like any other place in Iraq. As well as many selves need to be changed. ". I gave a smile, and hoped that everything will be changed towards the best soon.. soon. And it will , sooner or later. I believe so.
For these long years, I have realized that the world is always changing and nothing stays the same, but the high great meanings remain the same, the meanings that goodness depends on in seeking for the secret beauty. Goodness and loyalty are the great meanings that anyone needs to live with. Living with peace and safety.
For the record, hospitals in Iraq, of the different cities , need to be rebuilt again. as I mentioned in some of my last posts.
In my spare time, I was reading the book of Ali Alwardi ( one of the Iraqi stars in the world sky in psyche science) called " The nature of the Iraqi society" and as I finished reading it, a completed view of my people was formed for me. and in a word what I can say is , Iraqi society has many kinds of people, religions, sects, races and so , and
the best way to rule such country is Democracy and freedom.
" We have made you as different people and tribes to come to know. The best one fr God is the best in piety" >> The Holy Koran.
And piety here refers to doing the best for the others.
Yesterday, in the evening, I watched a show with the Iraqi famous singer " Housein Ni'ma", he is one of my best ones, I like all his songs.
And Yesterday , It was dawn time when I woke up, as I was staring at the sun while it was rising, I kept doing prayers, I really needed it, and this time I have felt of a strange feeling, like I have been born at the moment, so If I felt like that, why have I born from an earlier time? !
I then took my breakfast, and kept listening to the Iraqi songs of Fo'ad Salim, he is one of my favorite ones. Many of my friends get surprised to know that I listen to the Iraqi old songs. And the song that I heard this morning is " hachyak mutar sef.. ridtak tumur dhef witsakket il yehchun " and in English it means, " your talking is like summer rain. I wanted you to pass as a guest and make all the speakers shut up " , it is kinda song of blaming .
I do like the Iraqi songs.
And I do like my life ,whatever the things that we ( I) face are hard, but we were born to live, and I AM ALIVE.
May God bless Iraq , Iraqis and all the innocent people in the world.