22 Jan 2009

Echo and smile

Bitterly I dried out my tear while I was on my way to school. Fever, hypotension anemia and killing headache were the reasons, my temperature was 100.40 F , the night before it reached 102.20 F , I had French exam, and couldn't study, I didn’t open the book! You believe it! It was the first exam for me, going to school without studying, I depended only on my memory, dad insisted that I should postpone the exam saying "my dear, please , don’t go, I'm sure you'll get worse"
But my usual stubborness was the response.

I had a really hard time, ill and with exams, I was not able to sleep, nor to open my eyes nor to concentrate on studying. The hardest time ever, the thoughts which came to my mind were horrible, sure since there was delirium and fever.

When I was sitting on that poor chair -yes, so poor, it could bear my onerous and lazy breathe- I kept holding the pencil, it was heavy ,so heavy for the little finger. I could see nothing but my tears, I really needed Allah, I needed him sincerely and strongly.

My hand embraced the other, and I kept praying, it was another mixture of feelings.

I came back home, bed was my goal, I put my head on the pillow, pink pillow and I really thanked Allah that I could finally sleep, and I had a dream!! the miracle for that moment..

I was standing on a sooooooo nice bridge, keeping watching very beautiful doves, there were big yards, everything was green, and suddenly he came, guess who? Silvester Stalon! With his body and blood!! (But that was only in the dream!!lol) We kept walking together peering into the water, gold fish, and high breeze, my hair was flowing with the simple winds, It was really A DREAM!!

The dream could really bring back the cheerful spirit..

"Allah!! Thank You!! Have I told you I love you the most?!! I tell you again!"

After French exam, I had Arabic, then religion exams ( which was the last one), I did the last three exams depending only only on the memory, it was impossible that I might postpone an exam, I hate this habitude. I still remember what I told my teacher once when I was young
" Miss, you know? Even when I know I'm going to die, I will come to do the exam and then I'll die!" , ok, I can laugh at myself now.

The exams went well, the questions were good, in the acceptable level and according to the standard, as I see.
Something strange happened with physics exam, I had the day off before it, while I was studying in the morning, a piece of paper of my book got torn, my face turned so pale, my sister looked at me and said " Soleil? What's the problem? Hey look at me! Are you ok? " , I answered with a humble look.

I hugged the book and burst into tears saying " it should not be torn, it reminds me of him, my teacher, the grandpa, the wonderful man, why should it be torn?" , ok I’m reasonable enough to value my behavior, why I did that? Why? I think I’m really still a child, it was too silly a reason to cry for , as well , I'm not that kind of people who cry for silly things, ok, I cry but only when my emotion calls up my tears; and that issue didn't need it, but maybe I didn't cry for the torn paper, it was for the person behind, the faithfulness behind, and I think I could miss him enough to cry.

Once, I could get a walk with Fatima, a poor calm girl in our class, I love her so much and without any reason, it's a love from Allah, we kept talking about the teachers , lives, difficulties, hopes and study. What really touched my heart was what she said , " Soleil? Have you ever heard of the bad luck? It's mine, many times I wonder, why all the good things happen in the end? It's the end of high school, and just now I got a walk with you, while I thought and hoped of it for too long a time.". I added nothing, I just turned my head to hide my tear.

An other time I stood with my biology teacher, you can't imagine how humble I felt there, I found out that she loves me so much, and I thought the opposite!! Oh God! let her forgive me!!
She kept talking to me about her dreams and past, and how she wanted to continue her life studying and working on genetics, but it was forbidden in Iraq for fear of any genetic mutation, and it is still so.

I really love genetics, it is a great side to work in. Mom( my angel) said once " the doctor can do it." , the dream should come true, I really love to be a doctor, and my dream is getting strengthened day after day, I hope it will come true.

On Wednesday, I was moved by when I walked with Zaineb, who is a friend of mine and I really like her, her problem is that she is extremely careless with studying, I always talk to her about this and really do my best to persuade her heart to make her love studying, but it doesn’t wok always, she only answers me " you know? You're an angel from the sky" " Zaineb, please, do it, you can!". Last time, I lost my patience and wanted to slap her!! She looked at me and said " why you care about me? I don’t deserve!" , why? She asked why!! And I responded with no word but " just because I consider you kind of friend " taking my way away.
My only wish for her is may Allah help her to wake up her mind and revive her soul.
I think she is in love.. I think..

That was the whole story of the exams, but I'd love to mention that I was always waking up at 4:00 am and sleep at 10:00 pm.
Other thing, my English teacher gave me a gift, an english song, she sent it to me via my mobile bluetooth, it is a really wonderful song, but I don't know who is the singer or what is it called, I'll try to look for it in google.
Thank You Ma'am English!!
Saying " you can" reminds me of another " we can" was said by Mr. Obama,
" Mr. Obama,
I don't know how to start, from where or in the capacity of what.
I only would love to send you my and many Iraqis' congratulations.. and it's a really so great honor for me..

I do believe that the USA is the most active country in making the national decisions, the announced and unannounced decisions, so I really hope that wisdom will clarify your way to make the right choices you and the men in your government, with hope and optimism.
I hope you all will be able to find the best solutions for the Iraq problems, yes, we know that the US is so able to help us to develop our country and rebuild everything. Iraqis don't want to see the Americans wearing the military clothes and walking in Baghdad streets, but want to see them sharing the great dreams of world full of peace and purity, working for the best, bringnig the news of a brightened future, and helping in all the different aspects of the society, teaching,economics, medicine ...etc.

Mr. Obama, you are the first black president of the US, and this shows all the world how simple is we are and how marvellous is the unity.

Mr. Obama, let me please look through my room window, with a feeling of following smiles I'm going to see in my people's faces and the others'.
And I pray that the next is the best.