30 Oct 2008

We need to be stronger

Why did that happen? or why I faced it? Is it a question? a story? or a misery? none knows, even me. Only little hand is writing, what my heart says and my mind shows...
I don't know where I should start from, many things, many feelings and many dreams were created..

Every morning I take my way to the school, there are many checkpoints (we spend about one hour or a little less, while we should spend only 15 minutes), and the national guards as I mentioned in my late post, are from Baghdad ,the south, Dyala governorate and Ramadi, and they came here to spread the safety that we missed for a long time.

They came here and showed all the great respect and admiration to people, and many as I hear, like them.

They inspected our house,

" oh , how is the flower? good morning, I'm sorry to awake you, oh my God!! please forgive me!!" a soldier said when he inspected our house and saw my little sister asleep. They are very polite, and I really love them so much.

They have a military centre near our house. One evening, while I was studying, a heavy shelling happened, and then, it was followed by unbearable shooting, it was a battle ( this what I though first).

The next morning I saw the guards again, I exchange smiles with them every day I see them , but that morning, it was different, they were sad and were listening to sad songs with their I-pods. It hurt me and captured my thinking, I was hopeless, helpless and aimless in one minute!

They lost many soldiers, it was an attack against them. They prepared for another inspection.. one of them told an old ma'am lives in our neighborhood,
" Why do you harm us? while we are here to protect you and give you support, why do you fight us? I lost many of my friends.."

" It is not us, it is the terrorists" she answered. " we all love and admire you, we are all normal citizens " she added.

The truth, the painful truth is that people here fear the terrorists to a geat extent, in addition to that, they don't trust each other, so, they don't tell the responsible directions about any strange things that might happen in the neighborhood, i give them all the riights, but this should be changed.. For me, this is bad, and so sad. We really need to trust each other more, we need to stand by each other, we need to have faith in our lives and the truth that we should seek.

We really need to be united, we need to be stronger. People should believe that horror and terror will never last for good, peace will be brought soon, but we really have to make "soon" as soon as we need and have to..

Frankly, they could pass over that duration. They are strong, and they didn't lose their great manners, they remained the peaceful and the wonderful men I first knew. They realized more that their duty is not easy, and it contains giving sacrifices, may God bless them!!
many christians i know came back, but with scare, I always pray for them to be able to stand again, they are Iraqis, and there is no other land larger may contain them except Iraq.
the thing I can mention is that the situation is not fine at all.

School is going well, the next week will be full of exams, so much homework too, it is the last year in this school , the thing that is too good.

I moved to another class, and started a new study strategy, I'm so happy with the new girls, they are all funny and nice. I sincerely thank them.

I meet Maf everyday, the greates thing for me, I happily explained the lessons she missed , and gave her a copy of all the good booklets I own, they may help her with her study, she was sad becuase I left the class, and she gave me a piece of chocolate :) it was nice of her :) I love her too much.

Yesterday , my cousin called me, she had a party for her engagement, her fiance is a gentleman, she loves him very much, and she said she will let the wedding party be when I finish my final exams, so I can attend!! haha, she says I make it less dull for everyone there.. Oh, I miss my relatives and I really miss Baghdad..

Winter came, I was sick of flu (maybe bird flu, lol) for the last few days when the sun was hidden by clouds, it rained while I was in bed, and it might purify the air, and bring the new:D :D

Until I have the chance to be here again, I say "take care"


15 Oct 2008

Change your strategy

Once upon a time, there was a poor blind man , "H", he always sat on a doorstep, and put a little hat in front of him, with a card beside him. " I'm blind, and I need money, I can get nothing, please help" this what was written on it, and indeed, everyone passed by him didn’t think of him, and so , he was getting very little money every time.

One day, a good gentleman "E" passed by him, and noticed the card (he himself was not that rich, he took the card and changed what was written, H asked him about what he did, he said " it is nothing, I just though of changing some words". In the end of the day, E came across the same street, and saw that H's hat was full of money!!
H knew that it was E because of his feet's steps. And thanked him saying " I thank you for it, whatever it was, I could hear them saying that they will send me to place where I can find the comfort , just like the other blinds in this city".
E smiled..
Actually, what was written on the card in the second time was
" It is Spring time, and I can never see the flowers' beauty nor distinguish the wonderful colours, I can't do it like how you do.."..

let's change the strategy towards the truth and the beauty..

On Monday, the fifth of October, we started school, since the first day, the teachers warned us of any simple negligence, saying that these are the last eight months that really deserve all our efforts to do , to get what may please us in the end.
The teachers considering me the best student in the school , expect all the best from me. This is why I feel a bit confused, I really should do all the best. I don’t want to disappoint them..

Since the first day, I got shock. I call Maf from day to day, I just called her about six days before school started, and everything was fine (indeed, wasn’t, but this is what I can say), the first day, she didn’t come to school, at the beginning ,I thought that she was just like some other girls who preferred coming the following day, when I got home, I called her and started my talking with some jokes, she seemed fine, I asked her why she hadn't come to school. " Soleil, I moved to another school, to be with my other sisters, it is better for me and for them". she said.

My voice soon began to tremble, I sat on the floor, I felt so deeply sad, I thought of many good things I would do for her, like teaching her and telling her everything I know about our lessons,how to study and how to spend the time everything. " now, she went, I may not see her again, oh my God!! Help me!! please!! I really love her and don’t deserve to be separated with her, I don’t want to be far from her, I love her. But I really tried to do everything possible for me and my family, oh my God!! It's unfair!! Unfair at all!!" I said blaming myself.

The rest of the day was as dark as the night sky, I was as sad as the singer who can't sing anymore, and as gloomy as who has lost his great secrets in this life, the secrets that he let his life depend on. I asked my mom , and wanted to move to another school, my refused the idea completely and said that because I love Maf that much I will meet her again.. daddy did his best to make me smile.

Before I went to bed, I smiled after praying, I really needed to talk to God for a while, I told him about everything, and a calling inside me came saying that I have never give up and I have to do my best to see Maf in the future. I told God that I left Maf and her sisters with him, and he is the best one who really appreciates and who takes care of everyone without asking for return.
The next day and the days later were busy and full of homework, I should work so hard, SO hard.
My teachers are fine, I like biology teacher and fear my mathematics teacher. But all in all, I'm doing well.
I wake up at 5:30 am and head for school at 7:00, my first class start at 8:10 am, but it is the way to school, it is full of checkpoints and roadblocks.
On Thursday , I left home at 7:00 am, and came back at 5:30 pm!!! That was amazing, the hardest day ever I lived, I had two private lessons after school, and I met my chemistry and physics teachers who teach me in the private classes, it was the first time after Eid, they saw me wearing uniform for the first time, they got shocked, they both said that I really have to grow some more, I don’t have to join college like that.
" Ok, after the last year of high school, we expect to see a beautiful young lady, oh Soleil, I love you! And love the spirit inside you, you own all the good manners that everyone dreams of getting, you little girl, be blessed" physics teacher said. " she is my eyes' true light" chemistry teacher added. I felt embarrassed, I really love them too, oh my God, I will miss them, and miss the moments I spent with them laughing, getting angry or thinking.. actually, I am extremely happy with this, although it can be considered extra exhaustion, but I love my study, it is the great and maybe the only way I can make use of to please my parents, in addition to being a good young mum
for my sisters, haha :D ;D

Two of my teachers are Christians, and they took a leave for a while.
The situation is horrible, especially against Christians, all my friends and teachers don’t come to school. The terrorists killed a cleric, and many families, they exploded three house- this what I heard of- . I called my friend Ran, all her relatives left the city.
The government sent new groups of national guards, and they all seem strong and better than the others.
I can never say that the situation is of a way, it can be changed in anytime, it brings us tiredness. This is the life that we can never hide or avoid, we have to face because there is no other choice..

Every morning I go to school I open the car window and breathe the morning breeze, and every time I do a calling inside says " don’t you care, all the wounds are going to be cured and all the hurts will go away" I believe it , but a question comes to my mind, when can everything be ok? When???

this was written yesterday.
Today, I didn't go to school, since early morning, the national guards came to our neighborhood and surrounded it. Many soldiers are here now, they have decided to inspect every spot, and they are not Maslawis, they are from Baghdad, they speak their wonderful language, Oh God!! please!! bless them, protect them and lead them to the truth.
They are a bit funny, they are full of life and high spirits, I love our national guards. They came here to give the needed help to people here, as I mentioned, the situation is not well at all.
Someone I know called me from Duhok and said that about 900 university students/ medicine college have come to Duhok and the other safe places of Kurdistan asking for help, many of them think of emigration to the west. I know two families who could get the viza and entered France and Australia about month ago.
Surely we don't need to lose more Iraqis, just think, if you, me, or anyone else deicded to leave Iraq, to whom this country will remian? to our past? or our sad present? or to our long stories that could not find the ernd yet? to whom?
I am just afriad that even the birds have decided to leave Iraq..
But in my mind, everything here is more beautiful than in any other place, even the darkness here is more beautiful, just because it is in Iraq. so, how about the Sun? and the stars??

A minute ago I got a surprise, Maf called me :) I couldn't believe it!! she asked me why I didn't go to school , she said that she is back again, and she is waiting for me tomorrow!! I am so happy, it is extra pleasure indeed. thank God!! every day I learn that I should always trust God, and I should always put my heart in his hand, he really knows everything and does the best for his true serfs.
Thank God, I sincerely thank him.
Now, I am going to study with great thoughts in my mind.
May God bless and protect everyone.

3 Oct 2008

Embarrassed Eidعيد بكل خجل

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Eid, the beautiful word. When I hear it every beautiful thing comes to my mind. The happy children in the gardens and amusement cities, the clecha, all my relatives and the eddyya that daddy gives me to buy chocolate with or to give them to the poor.
Eid… We return to our normal lives with the happiness of Eid. It's all after Ramadan, after the patience and the liberality, and after the lessons and the sermons we learn in the holy days.

This Ramadan was humbly happy, it brought the sight of pleasure we sought the years ago after the war. It was so much better. My relatives in Baghdad were able to go out and spend nice moments at late times at night.
The Iraqi artistic production was very good. I had the chance to watch very good TV series.
Al- Iraqi channel , it mainly presented a show called " love mayor" , the reporter goes to a district and meet people there, then ask them about the situation, and about a man they can elect to be "love mayor" for that place, they begin to give names and the manners, finally a man is chosen and in his house ,a big banquet in al-futur time , consisting of very delicious Iraqi food, this show reminds us of the great days of sharing that our ancestors had and urge people to create days like those and better. Wonderful generosity is shown.
" Seven sisters" show, is of meaningful comedy, it is from far places in the marshes, a story of seven sisters and their brother, they lose their mom and their brother should wait until they all get married (relying on the mother's will before her death), and by events, it is clearly shown how important is to treat the girl well, and how wonderful is the sister, how would you feel if you had seven sister?!! ;D.
" Fire years" is an excellent show of Al –Baghdadyya satellite channel, it takes the look upon the life of people of marshes, during the years 1990-2003 and later, it presents the war that happened between people of marshes and the government at that time, it produces secrets, and the actors and actresses were perfect, they could speak and in marsh language which can be the hardest even in Iraq. To be honest, I couldn’t understand so much of their talking, but It is a very important show indeed, events and realities really happened in far laces from here, and many people might forget those stories.
Awatif al- Salman, was a great star in this show, I admire their ability to continue the way in these hard times..
" girls house" a show of the present time, it gives a look about a kind of Iraqi families, daughter and their suffer with their father and brothers, it is a very good show too.
But surely I couldn’t watch all the episodes, but all in all , I could understand the aims.
Al-baghdadyya channel also produced a show names " question by lira" , the reporter ( who is a very good actor called Hafidh N'aybee) goes to all the Iraqi cities in the west, south, north and east and walk among people to ask them a question and who can find the answer is given a lira. It is an excellent show too.
Ramadan spread peace and made us live the tranquility that we need from time to time, to be close to God, worshipping and giving.
Then Eid came..

We travelled to Duhok to spend several days there, we visited the city centre, what caught my attention is the new buildings and streets, although I have visited Duhok this summer ( in July), but it appears with a difference, then we went to the zoo, a small calm garden, the dreams city and the market. We stayed at a motel called " chanar".
I saw animals in the zoo, and remembered the zoo of Baghdad, how great it was!! I remembered when I first saw the lion, how scared I turned!! But as usual, it is not perfect.
In the garden, there were swings, I sat on one of them, and mom gave me a good push, I kept laughing with tears, I want to stay a child, I want to go back to those days, when I was building the small house of cubes and trying to put my dreams into, when I was gathering flowers and give them to mommy, when I was spending the time playing with daddy, when I was sitting on my grandma lap listening to stories of the Iraqi heritage, when I was drawing a funny smiles and goats… how nice were those days!!!
The other day we took the way to Zakho, it is a beautiful village near the Turkey borders.
There I stood on the Abbasi bridge for the first time, and there we visited a Kurdish family of my mom's friends.
We went to their house. Firstly I felt a bit confused, but they were greatly welcoming people, the family consists of nine boys , two girls and the parents. They keep laughing at their number, and say they form a good team of football!! Hahaha
I entered the house, sat on the sofa, but I preferred sitting on the floor, just like the family members, they are so simple people, and their house is of eastern design, they have a fountain in the middle..
Then, we came to know all the members, let me tell you a secret, I really felt tired of saying hi and smiling!! hahahaha, but I felt so happy. They have many children, the all were noisy, and considering me as a new member of the family ;D I had to take care of them while the parents were talking and the others were busy with work, I sat in the middle of them, they were six children and four babies, the problem I had was that they didn’t speak Arabic and I didn’t speak Kurdish!! I spoke in English!hahaha, I didn’t know what to do, I soon went to the mother carrying three babies who were playing by my hair and trying to put my fingers inside their mouths, yaw!! I don’t know what they thought my fingers to be, milk!! mmmm , I told her I love children and babies but I can't get in touch with those, she kept laughing, and asked me to do anything else I like. Surely, I chose joining the other girls, two of the family and the third was their sister in-law, they were cooking, and only one of them whose name was Safa could speak Arabic!! Whenever someone wanted to tell me something, she asked Safa to translate!! Hahaha, they made a special Kurdish food, it was like big balls made of rice and meat, and I don’t know what else, the only thing I realize was that everything was delicious, but I helped them in making Salad and finger chips! Hahaha.
After the lunch, we all went to the mountains, a place called Sharanish.
On the way, I listened to Yanni symphonies and there were beautiful trees, and the sky was clear except of a place was white like cotton, I felt so glad , my spirit was like a plume. There was a waterfall, and a cave with frozen water!! It was so deep, and it was too dark, we needed a torch. Then, we parked the cars in a safe place and went to have a snack at the versant , they just did this to make me get rid of my fear of high places, I can't deny I did all my best, the good thing I didn’t feel dizzy, oh! Thank God!
Then , we took our day back to Duhok , then to Mosul the next day.

The first day of Eid was "calls day" for me, hahahaha. I have 53 cousins!! Many uncles and aunts, I had to talk to them all, I felt too tired of talking, everyone blamed me for being absent , I told them it was supposed I stay at home, but daddy just insisted on me to have a rest from study. I got it thankfully.I called my teachers too, English, physics and chemistry teachers. we exchanged the wishes..
I'm doing well with my study, and school will get start next week.

The sad thing is that two explosions happened in Baghdad today and one yesterday, they just don’t want people to have fun, they feel so sick and horribly afraid of seeing people happy, they are sick and they want us to be like them, hopeless and afraid, but no, we chose our way to be as clear as the sky which carry the wonderful sun.
Talking about Eid reminds me of something I really like to be away from , but it needs some.
In the Islamic almanac, as I mentioned in my other post, months beginnings are decided on the moon series, the completed series of the moon consists one month.
So , when it starts its series, it’s the first day. After Ramadan, Shawal starts ( the Muslim months are : Muharram, Safar, Rabee' al –awal, Rabee' al-thani, Rajab, sha'ban, Ramadan, Shawal , Dhulku'da and Dhulhijja and these months are of 29 days or 30), and the prophet – may god's blessings and peace be upon him – taught the Muslims that whenever people be able to see the moon clearly by eye in the sky they may decide the month's beginning and if they are not be able to see it they should continue the month to the 30th day, and this what had to be done in Iraq, it is not true that people start Eid on Tuesday ( following KSA) and people on Wednesday
( following Iran) and others on Thursday!!!!!
Please!!!! Don’t make us lose the happiness and light of being unity and forgetting our differences.
My thought is that an association should be made of scholars from shia and sunna, and those scholars should keep seeing the month every time and tell us the true start. We don’t have to follow any other country, we are Iraqis and we taught the others the true lives, and the others learnt from us how to write and how to ride the wheel and make use of it, how can we be different now???!!!!!!!!!
No, this shouldn’t happen, and it isn’t happening today, people are so sick of this, and everyone's idea is like mine, we have our faith and great religions and minds ,no one should teach us, we got the experience from ourselves, so no mistakes should be done anymore, please!!!!
I decided to celebrate Eid for six days this time ;D :D
May God bless your days and keep you safe, and may all your dreams come true, may peace fill our lives and may pleasure move away our sad tears..

And the sun can't be seen except in the clear sky, let's make our sky fully clear, and if there were clouds hard to be moved away, let's make use of them as the simple boats the carry us to the safe bank, and we can do that, we really can do it, do it when no one expect..

Just like the sun,
للعيد حكاياته , حماماته و هلاله, ما يحززني هو ترديد كثير من ابناء بلدي
باي حال عدت انت يا عيد ؟ ابما مضى؟ ام لامر فيك تجديد؟
عسى ايامنا ان تكون كلها افراح و نعلك صواني شموع, دمتم سالمين....I

This post was written last night