27 Mar 2008

Candles with pain

There were candles with pain. I don't really know what is the suitable feature of the last days.

In 21st of March of every year all Iraqis from the east, the west, the north and the south celebrate of Spring Feasts, and mom told me that when she had been young girl she was always seeing her mom making a very big silver and fill it with candles, henna, eggs, simple desserts, lettuce and different plants , sesame, mixed nuts ,clecha (an Iraqi famous dessert), coins and so.
Every thing put refers to something. For example, the candles refer to light and hope, henna is the wonderful embellishment of the women at that time, eggs refer to the simple ball that carries a little fetus will come to this life as a new and clear one and the plants refer to the peace and freshness. May all Iraqis' days turn peaceful and happy.
21st of March is Mother's Day and I was so happy to hug my mom.
" Mom, you are my secret angle in this world, you mean a lot for me, you gave me birth after months of suffering, and to be mentioned that daddy told me how much happy you had been of me. I was born little tiny child having no power and do nothing but crying sometimes and keeping silent other times. You made me stand on my feet, made me able to say and do and sing, and now my tongue says words and I sing Life Song for you. I still remember the days when I was sick and no one cared but you and daddy. You put your hand upon my front and say YOU!! PAIN!! GO AWAY BEHIND THE FAR MOUNTAINS AND LET MY LITTLE LOVELY DAUGHTER SPEND HER DAYS HEALTHY AND STRONG!!.
You mom!! Gave me love ,help , support and admiration, and you give me and you will do.
I love you and your words when you say " I was here to love you , to care of you and to help you".
People say that there are angles everywhere, and we don't see them, but the good ones can feel of them. But I say no, there is a great angle and I see her in front of me, standing and leading my way, I saw an angle protect me and defend me, I see an angle support me and love me, see this angle in my heart and between my eyelashes.
I was born and I didn't know the language that people talked in, but you made me able to understand and make me listen to the most beautiful and wonderful words.
Now, I am one can understand and see and hear, in the times when I couldn't, people kept talking about you like that and teaching me your love although I didn't need their teaching, but I asked them that time about your name, they say '' you will call her Mammy".
Oh mom as beautiful, as strong as successful, as good ,as wise, as… you like me to be, I love you.. May God bless you and let you know how much you mean to me.
Mom!! You are my truest friend

My life secrets
My poems words
And songs spirit.
Now, I realize how much birds turn happy
When they sing
They sing for
Maf is a good girl in our class, clever and nice. Although she seems a bit isolated, but when I tried to approach her, I found her very good and gentle person.
She has two sisters, and mom who always tries to do her best to protect them. ( just like the one mine and the one yoursJ)
Her daddy is missing since 2003. so the three girls have no one to love them really except mammy of theirs, especially these days, when we see every family is busy with the own affairs trying to avoid the sadness and the gloomy times.
On Tuesday when I was preparing for French exam, I heard a very very bad news, Maf's mom had died in an explosion had occurred on Monday noon. I was so shocked that I felt of a hand entered my chess and brought out my heart. I didn't know what to do, I remembered her lovely mom when I saw her twice and how beautiful she was when she had depended on me to help her daughter considering me a member of their family.
" No mom!!!!" I said at the shock time.
I kept saying prayers asking God to bless the mom's spirit, and went back to class, I opened my bag for no reason, I was in denial, a friend called Hind( she is another good girl) asked me, ( she seemed that she had noticed my denial) how did I know of the bad news, as well our biology teacher. I answered with no word, I just looked at her and hugged her burst into tears. The other girls didn't know why I had been crying like that way and kept asking me about the matter, I was not able, Hind answered them. The all began to cry and we all wanted to go to her soon to see if she and her sisters all right.
We began to curse the terrorists ( they really deserve cursing), the mom had died because an explosion had happened in their neighbors.
I don't know what the terrorists gained of that bomb-car , Nothing I know, but they only gave hurt to a family and make little simple girls alone in this world, they made ones become orphans!!!
I really hate nobody in my life but the terrorists.
I spent the rest of the day crying in a time and trying to hide my tears hard.
I came back home, and laid beside the sofa in the kitchen and mom asked my what had been the wrong.
I caught her hand and said " Mom!!! She is Maf, she lost her mom!!"
Mom kept crying too. Dad and sisters, we didn't have lunch at that day, everyone was sad and gloomy.
The next day, there was a preparing of a celebration at school of Mother's Day, Teacher's Day Tree's Day and Prophet's Birthday.
When girls began to make read poems about mother, I kept crying saying,
" Oh!! Maf had no Mammy now!!"
All the teachers love Maf, because she is a calm and obedient one.
I called Maf an hour ago , she was in bed, she slept of long time crying.I'm going to call her again at 7:00 p.m.
On Wednesday, I was forced to say goodbye to my friends who are in the sixth grade.
They are going to graduate from high school and go to college, they made this party to say goodbye to each other and others.
We exchanged wishes of luck and happy next.
I said Good bye to Zuzu and many other friends, and although they are older than me, but they really love me and I found this out only on Wednesday!!
The all hugged me and kept shedding tears wishing me to achieve all my dreams.
Today, I said a poem about teachers in the celebration, and I was honored to receive a gift because I was the first winner and my marks are the highest among the girls.
there were musicians to play on the piano for the songs, they said that I own a beautiful voice.
I don't know how days pass.
I like the candles but I don't like the pain..

Sandybelle to be Soleil

Note, my mom insisted on going to Maf's house, I refused that at first, because Maf will see me with my mom and she may remember her mom and will bring back her sadness. But mom said that we are all here to love Maf and the ones like her, and we all were here to help, do, say and pray. I agree.

explosions are so heavy, and one ocuured of sunday in our neighbors, but there were no many damages and thank God.

19 Mar 2008

What is written in the stars can't be changed nor altered

I was sitting in my room staring at the street through my window. A few American tanks passed by and I felt of their speed and I felt very afraid, they seemed very angry especially when I heard that some mine was exploded on the way of some other tank( a friend of theirs) . They say that these are ''The last days" and for that we have to capture hope. Anyway I don't care whether these are the last or not, I just pray for our safety and safety of all the innocent people in this big world. On my way to school, I always see many people, guards, policemen, students ,pupils, teachers, workers, shoppers and bakers and many others. In their eyes I notice the freedom and willpower to continue, no matter what happens. I just love the end to be by our side and like it to be happy.

The past days were full of explosions and chases. Our class faces the main street in the quarter where my school situated, so any tank passes by, we notice it. There are many everyday. On Sunday there were many ones, American ones and national others. many explosions happened and ambulances were many too. Police cars crazily kept making noise and horrible calling " Waaa Wee, Waa Wee" to make other cars notice and clear the way. Every morning carries new news of different victims and the stories are different too. But thinking of these days can be the last ones make me feel high and able to forget the sadness. But I just wonder whether it was written in the stars the we would face such bad days. Ok, ok it is ok that we are cooperative and with our strength together can destroy the strong fence that hinder our distance.

This week I received some marks and they were really good. Full marks in English , French, physics. And I got 98% in biology, I loved to get 100%. Mom says that it is Ok because I just studied 7 pages of more than 14, I depended on my memory, I was very sick and my fever was very high and so I couldn't study well at all but I didn't like to postpone doing it. Also there was a celebration here " My sister's seventh birthday" and there was so much of noise, singing and playing, I wanted to ask them to stop celebrating, but NO, it is birthday and it isn't their fault that I'm sick.I hept kidding my sweetie sister and she filled my cheeks with many kisses.
Thank You Sweetie Sister!!

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Anyway, it was horrible week, but it is gone now, and I'm back to my nature.
My friend Es will travel to Baghdad on Sunday and she invited me to go with her, I refused her offer kindly because she will stay for a week and this isn't enough if someone wants to go to Baghdad and enjoy the fun and the pleasure there.

Our school board decided to create a magazine especially to dictate the student's efforts and activity and the school's news. I'll prepare a subject in biology, chemistry and Arabic. Arabic teacher loves me too ( every teacher loves me and here is the great pointJ and asked me to prepare and essay. I like to make and essay of English too but the problem is of electricity and time, I don't really have enough spare time, especially these days, teacher gives us much homework saying that these are the last days of the academic year and we have to finish our work soon.
Next week, there will be many exams and I have to be ready to get good marks.
Everyday new writings are written in the stars and what is written can't be changed not altered. Many wonderful things are and were written. Also there were bad things, but the bad ones were found to have a look upon our patience and hope.
Yesterday I dreamed of Angelina, I was sorry to wake.. Mom says that it was only a dream and I don't have to be sorry..
I don't know whether it'll be written that I will meet Angelina.
I'm so zealous to know what will be written.
Let it be written and let it be..

6 Mar 2008

In truth, beauty seeks goodness.. What is beautiful is good and what is good is beautiful

There was a pause when I stopped suddenly and kept thinking of God.
In religion lesson I asked the teacher about Being of God. Girls and teacher considered my thoughts as ways to atheism. But no, this is impossible. It is impossible that my thoughts lead me to be an atheist. I just adore God and love to think deeply and greatly of him. My thoughts lead me to love him more and more.
Teacher and girls said that we only believe in God and know that he makes everything, and we do never have to think of being of God.
I believe in that saying when somebody asked other " Can this hole have the capacity of that river?" .
" No" the second answered.
" So, How can your little mind have the capacity for thinking of God and his being?!!". the first replied.
Yes, God is something Great. The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful and The Greatest.
I don't only believe that God makes things and we have to believe in him, but also I believe that God causes the reasons of our happiness and great moments, the one who gives us the power to overcome the ordeals that we face in our lives, the one who gives us the strength to achieve our ambitions and dreams. God always sends angels to protect us wherever we go. God was there in the school, there in that spot where a great explosion happened and where I stood terrified and confused having no idea about what I can do in moments of suffer and despair. God is the one who made that great thing which fill our days with kind rays that lead us to reach what we like to reach, he made our beautiful Sun.
I think God hides something beyond the Sun, and I have to continue my way to reach beyond the sun.
Many feel afriad that they might see Sandybelle in the TV talking about God atheistly, I think that they feel afraid of thinking because their faith isn't like mine. My faith leads me to think and then to find. And when I thought for another while I " I can see God in my heart, in the mirror, in the river, in the sky, in my shadow, in the sun, in my mom's eyes, among my great memories, among my words and … and then I see him looking upon me with pity".
I realize how much God is great especially when I feel gloomy and when I shelter in prayers and how much comfortable and free after that.
God gives us the ability to learn the right form the wrong and to be forgiving with others. God taught us the right ways that lead us to live in our lives happily and with peace and love.
This is God for me. And I can't spend any day without thinking of him. And my faithful gives me the power to love, help, listen, read,.. and to do all things I love to do and all things I believe in.
Many girls ask me about my main ambitions in the life, what I love to be and how I love to be. Someone says" You are a bit obscure Sandybelle ,and I really love to ask you about you".
I smiled when she asked. I just told her:
" first of all, let me tell you that I believe in everything helps me to reach beyond the sun. In my life there is a great sight of hope as you see and know, also ambition.
My dreams are my life, because the life was past caused reasons for present and presents causes reasons for future, and every moment I spend waiting for future gives me the power and the confidence that there is nothing impossible.
For me the doctor is like an angel, especially when I look at him/her and how emotional he/she seems. When he/she treats the patient kindly and beautifully. Also diseases are the main reasons of many ones' problems and misery. This is why I love to be a doctor.
The poverty is another misery for the poor ones, poverty leads many people to think of stealing and killing to get money, and then this leads to find catastrophes in society. And this is why I love to do my best for paupers to lessen the criminals and to create the smile on faces lost it for a long time. I think the great crown of this dream is Noble Prize. And don't you forget that Being poor isn't a shame, but the shame is when you think that poverty is shame.
Singing and acting are nice ways to get money to give to paupers. I know that many artists make concerts and create movies to give the returns to the paupers in their country or any other place in the world. As well as I love acting and singing. I always in times of happiness at home I sing for the family with my sisters and everyone listens attentively.
Being an author is another dream, because I realize that words have power and power can make changes in the world towards the right direction.
….. in fact, I love every work leads to find happiness for the one his/her self or for others. But I believe that good ones in the world see that their benefit is hidden in work brings benefit for others. "
She said" But maybe you will not be able to achieve all of them!!"
" So What?!! I just realize that God helps ones who helps themselves and my ambitions color my life to continue the way. And gives me the ability to carry my message, and to do my best to achieve them. Hope, peace, love and spirit are in my heart and in your heart and the others' hearts and this is why we can stay alive" I answered.
" you are great, I hope I'll be like you, you are in my mind and my love increases especially when I remember that day when I was very sad and was ready to leave the life and then you came as a great care in moments of illness . your words helped me to re-arrange my sheets and stand again. I love to have a younger sister and friend like you" She said.
I just smiled and kissed her. Hehehehe many people wonder about my personality and ones try to discover me themselves and others ask me and others favor to make it as secret.
I have only Secret, secret that I learn from everything I face in my life..
Keep your secrets in your hearts,

And don't you forget that beyond the sun there is something needs to be found and this is why we do our best to find it..Free like the plume and clear like the sky,


P.S. This week was normal with the exception of the explosions that happened, you know explosions are normal, so much homework and many quizzes.Zuzu is doing well in her exams and study. I'm happy for her.