27 Mar 2008

Candles with pain

There were candles with pain. I don't really know what is the suitable feature of the last days.

In 21st of March of every year all Iraqis from the east, the west, the north and the south celebrate of Spring Feasts, and mom told me that when she had been young girl she was always seeing her mom making a very big silver and fill it with candles, henna, eggs, simple desserts, lettuce and different plants , sesame, mixed nuts ,clecha (an Iraqi famous dessert), coins and so.
Every thing put refers to something. For example, the candles refer to light and hope, henna is the wonderful embellishment of the women at that time, eggs refer to the simple ball that carries a little fetus will come to this life as a new and clear one and the plants refer to the peace and freshness. May all Iraqis' days turn peaceful and happy.
21st of March is Mother's Day and I was so happy to hug my mom.
" Mom, you are my secret angle in this world, you mean a lot for me, you gave me birth after months of suffering, and to be mentioned that daddy told me how much happy you had been of me. I was born little tiny child having no power and do nothing but crying sometimes and keeping silent other times. You made me stand on my feet, made me able to say and do and sing, and now my tongue says words and I sing Life Song for you. I still remember the days when I was sick and no one cared but you and daddy. You put your hand upon my front and say YOU!! PAIN!! GO AWAY BEHIND THE FAR MOUNTAINS AND LET MY LITTLE LOVELY DAUGHTER SPEND HER DAYS HEALTHY AND STRONG!!.
You mom!! Gave me love ,help , support and admiration, and you give me and you will do.
I love you and your words when you say " I was here to love you , to care of you and to help you".
People say that there are angles everywhere, and we don't see them, but the good ones can feel of them. But I say no, there is a great angle and I see her in front of me, standing and leading my way, I saw an angle protect me and defend me, I see an angle support me and love me, see this angle in my heart and between my eyelashes.
I was born and I didn't know the language that people talked in, but you made me able to understand and make me listen to the most beautiful and wonderful words.
Now, I am one can understand and see and hear, in the times when I couldn't, people kept talking about you like that and teaching me your love although I didn't need their teaching, but I asked them that time about your name, they say '' you will call her Mammy".
Oh mom as beautiful, as strong as successful, as good ,as wise, as… you like me to be, I love you.. May God bless you and let you know how much you mean to me.
Mom!! You are my truest friend

My life secrets
My poems words
And songs spirit.
Now, I realize how much birds turn happy
When they sing
They sing for
Maf is a good girl in our class, clever and nice. Although she seems a bit isolated, but when I tried to approach her, I found her very good and gentle person.
She has two sisters, and mom who always tries to do her best to protect them. ( just like the one mine and the one yoursJ)
Her daddy is missing since 2003. so the three girls have no one to love them really except mammy of theirs, especially these days, when we see every family is busy with the own affairs trying to avoid the sadness and the gloomy times.
On Tuesday when I was preparing for French exam, I heard a very very bad news, Maf's mom had died in an explosion had occurred on Monday noon. I was so shocked that I felt of a hand entered my chess and brought out my heart. I didn't know what to do, I remembered her lovely mom when I saw her twice and how beautiful she was when she had depended on me to help her daughter considering me a member of their family.
" No mom!!!!" I said at the shock time.
I kept saying prayers asking God to bless the mom's spirit, and went back to class, I opened my bag for no reason, I was in denial, a friend called Hind( she is another good girl) asked me, ( she seemed that she had noticed my denial) how did I know of the bad news, as well our biology teacher. I answered with no word, I just looked at her and hugged her burst into tears. The other girls didn't know why I had been crying like that way and kept asking me about the matter, I was not able, Hind answered them. The all began to cry and we all wanted to go to her soon to see if she and her sisters all right.
We began to curse the terrorists ( they really deserve cursing), the mom had died because an explosion had happened in their neighbors.
I don't know what the terrorists gained of that bomb-car , Nothing I know, but they only gave hurt to a family and make little simple girls alone in this world, they made ones become orphans!!!
I really hate nobody in my life but the terrorists.
I spent the rest of the day crying in a time and trying to hide my tears hard.
I came back home, and laid beside the sofa in the kitchen and mom asked my what had been the wrong.
I caught her hand and said " Mom!!! She is Maf, she lost her mom!!"
Mom kept crying too. Dad and sisters, we didn't have lunch at that day, everyone was sad and gloomy.
The next day, there was a preparing of a celebration at school of Mother's Day, Teacher's Day Tree's Day and Prophet's Birthday.
When girls began to make read poems about mother, I kept crying saying,
" Oh!! Maf had no Mammy now!!"
All the teachers love Maf, because she is a calm and obedient one.
I called Maf an hour ago , she was in bed, she slept of long time crying.I'm going to call her again at 7:00 p.m.
On Wednesday, I was forced to say goodbye to my friends who are in the sixth grade.
They are going to graduate from high school and go to college, they made this party to say goodbye to each other and others.
We exchanged wishes of luck and happy next.
I said Good bye to Zuzu and many other friends, and although they are older than me, but they really love me and I found this out only on Wednesday!!
The all hugged me and kept shedding tears wishing me to achieve all my dreams.
Today, I said a poem about teachers in the celebration, and I was honored to receive a gift because I was the first winner and my marks are the highest among the girls.
there were musicians to play on the piano for the songs, they said that I own a beautiful voice.
I don't know how days pass.
I like the candles but I don't like the pain..

Sandybelle to be Soleil

Note, my mom insisted on going to Maf's house, I refused that at first, because Maf will see me with my mom and she may remember her mom and will bring back her sadness. But mom said that we are all here to love Maf and the ones like her, and we all were here to help, do, say and pray. I agree.

explosions are so heavy, and one ocuured of sunday in our neighbors, but there were no many damages and thank God.


atsuma the free man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
atsuma the free man said...

its good to know that your OK

judging from the circumstances in Iraq,,many people lost their lives

my friend is among them

i hope that ill see the candles some day when ill back to Baghdad

when i see spring,,,of coarse nobody
wanna see pain and fear
but happiness that we waiting

i wish you good luck you and your friends that lost there parents

good luck kid

Muhannad said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
C.H. said...


That is terrible...its so sad. May God be with your friend Maf every minute of the day, as well as everyone else who has lost a loved one because of these terrible human beings who have hijacked a religion and used it as a means to harm the innocent. You and your fellow Iraqis are so strong!

There was a time in my life when I would think that the problems I was facing in my life were difficult, but then I hear stories like this. I can assure you that I realize just how fortunate I am to live where I live, but one day I will get the chance to get out and see the real world..the world that is crying for help.

God bless you, and please be safe. I know I say this to you a lot, but I cannot stress it enough.

C.H. said...

Here in the USA, you would not believe how uneducated some people are...it seems they are so focused on their everyday lives and the things that will only affect them.

We definitely need more caring people like you Sandy...and all of us need to keep looking for the good in the world. There are people out there who want to make it a more dangerous place, but in the end, they are the minority, and they will never succeed, not so long as we can maintain hope.

Michomeme said...

Can I say it is a nice post which informed as that you are still ok? but I know I can't smille after finishing it..because all of the sadness and your friend's loss..
may God help her, Don't you leave her alone stay with her as much as you can.

take care girl
be save

Catherine and Zoe said...

you have a very wise mother. she is right, in that we are all here to help, do, say and pray.

your blog is an interesting look into the life of people half a world away from me, and i enjoy reading your writings.

keep it up!
and keep safe.


Marshmallow26 said...


We have to keep our faith strong and move on, other wise the brutal and the extremists will demolish us one by another.

God bless you for what you are doing with your friend, she needs your support.

Stay safe

with love


Anonymous said...

Hello sandybelle. That's so sad, fortunately she has a good friend like you in this terrible time. Take care.

Best regards,


Sandybelle said...

Thank you all for this great support. you are in my mind..

C.H. said...


I was watching the news today and they had a big hearing on Iraq. I wish these people in Washington D.C. who view this as nothing but a political issue would read your blog to learn more about the people of your country.

I also wanted to make sure you are doing okay.