15 Oct 2008

Change your strategy

Once upon a time, there was a poor blind man , "H", he always sat on a doorstep, and put a little hat in front of him, with a card beside him. " I'm blind, and I need money, I can get nothing, please help" this what was written on it, and indeed, everyone passed by him didn’t think of him, and so , he was getting very little money every time.

One day, a good gentleman "E" passed by him, and noticed the card (he himself was not that rich, he took the card and changed what was written, H asked him about what he did, he said " it is nothing, I just though of changing some words". In the end of the day, E came across the same street, and saw that H's hat was full of money!!
H knew that it was E because of his feet's steps. And thanked him saying " I thank you for it, whatever it was, I could hear them saying that they will send me to place where I can find the comfort , just like the other blinds in this city".
E smiled..
Actually, what was written on the card in the second time was
" It is Spring time, and I can never see the flowers' beauty nor distinguish the wonderful colours, I can't do it like how you do.."..

let's change the strategy towards the truth and the beauty..

On Monday, the fifth of October, we started school, since the first day, the teachers warned us of any simple negligence, saying that these are the last eight months that really deserve all our efforts to do , to get what may please us in the end.
The teachers considering me the best student in the school , expect all the best from me. This is why I feel a bit confused, I really should do all the best. I don’t want to disappoint them..

Since the first day, I got shock. I call Maf from day to day, I just called her about six days before school started, and everything was fine (indeed, wasn’t, but this is what I can say), the first day, she didn’t come to school, at the beginning ,I thought that she was just like some other girls who preferred coming the following day, when I got home, I called her and started my talking with some jokes, she seemed fine, I asked her why she hadn't come to school. " Soleil, I moved to another school, to be with my other sisters, it is better for me and for them". she said.

My voice soon began to tremble, I sat on the floor, I felt so deeply sad, I thought of many good things I would do for her, like teaching her and telling her everything I know about our lessons,how to study and how to spend the time everything. " now, she went, I may not see her again, oh my God!! Help me!! please!! I really love her and don’t deserve to be separated with her, I don’t want to be far from her, I love her. But I really tried to do everything possible for me and my family, oh my God!! It's unfair!! Unfair at all!!" I said blaming myself.

The rest of the day was as dark as the night sky, I was as sad as the singer who can't sing anymore, and as gloomy as who has lost his great secrets in this life, the secrets that he let his life depend on. I asked my mom , and wanted to move to another school, my refused the idea completely and said that because I love Maf that much I will meet her again.. daddy did his best to make me smile.

Before I went to bed, I smiled after praying, I really needed to talk to God for a while, I told him about everything, and a calling inside me came saying that I have never give up and I have to do my best to see Maf in the future. I told God that I left Maf and her sisters with him, and he is the best one who really appreciates and who takes care of everyone without asking for return.
The next day and the days later were busy and full of homework, I should work so hard, SO hard.
My teachers are fine, I like biology teacher and fear my mathematics teacher. But all in all, I'm doing well.
I wake up at 5:30 am and head for school at 7:00, my first class start at 8:10 am, but it is the way to school, it is full of checkpoints and roadblocks.
On Thursday , I left home at 7:00 am, and came back at 5:30 pm!!! That was amazing, the hardest day ever I lived, I had two private lessons after school, and I met my chemistry and physics teachers who teach me in the private classes, it was the first time after Eid, they saw me wearing uniform for the first time, they got shocked, they both said that I really have to grow some more, I don’t have to join college like that.
" Ok, after the last year of high school, we expect to see a beautiful young lady, oh Soleil, I love you! And love the spirit inside you, you own all the good manners that everyone dreams of getting, you little girl, be blessed" physics teacher said. " she is my eyes' true light" chemistry teacher added. I felt embarrassed, I really love them too, oh my God, I will miss them, and miss the moments I spent with them laughing, getting angry or thinking.. actually, I am extremely happy with this, although it can be considered extra exhaustion, but I love my study, it is the great and maybe the only way I can make use of to please my parents, in addition to being a good young mum
for my sisters, haha :D ;D

Two of my teachers are Christians, and they took a leave for a while.
The situation is horrible, especially against Christians, all my friends and teachers don’t come to school. The terrorists killed a cleric, and many families, they exploded three house- this what I heard of- . I called my friend Ran, all her relatives left the city.
The government sent new groups of national guards, and they all seem strong and better than the others.
I can never say that the situation is of a way, it can be changed in anytime, it brings us tiredness. This is the life that we can never hide or avoid, we have to face because there is no other choice..

Every morning I go to school I open the car window and breathe the morning breeze, and every time I do a calling inside says " don’t you care, all the wounds are going to be cured and all the hurts will go away" I believe it , but a question comes to my mind, when can everything be ok? When???

this was written yesterday.
Today, I didn't go to school, since early morning, the national guards came to our neighborhood and surrounded it. Many soldiers are here now, they have decided to inspect every spot, and they are not Maslawis, they are from Baghdad, they speak their wonderful language, Oh God!! please!! bless them, protect them and lead them to the truth.
They are a bit funny, they are full of life and high spirits, I love our national guards. They came here to give the needed help to people here, as I mentioned, the situation is not well at all.
Someone I know called me from Duhok and said that about 900 university students/ medicine college have come to Duhok and the other safe places of Kurdistan asking for help, many of them think of emigration to the west. I know two families who could get the viza and entered France and Australia about month ago.
Surely we don't need to lose more Iraqis, just think, if you, me, or anyone else deicded to leave Iraq, to whom this country will remian? to our past? or our sad present? or to our long stories that could not find the ernd yet? to whom?
I am just afriad that even the birds have decided to leave Iraq..
But in my mind, everything here is more beautiful than in any other place, even the darkness here is more beautiful, just because it is in Iraq. so, how about the Sun? and the stars??

A minute ago I got a surprise, Maf called me :) I couldn't believe it!! she asked me why I didn't go to school , she said that she is back again, and she is waiting for me tomorrow!! I am so happy, it is extra pleasure indeed. thank God!! every day I learn that I should always trust God, and I should always put my heart in his hand, he really knows everything and does the best for his true serfs.
Thank God, I sincerely thank him.
Now, I am going to study with great thoughts in my mind.
May God bless and protect everyone.


Violet said...

Hi sandybelle.. I liked this post very much and I wanted to leave a comment.

Sweetie I trust that you'll make your dreams come true by working so hard; So there is no need to get worried cuz I – and other people who love you - put an extra trust in you sister.
Thank you;


Michomeme said...

Hi Sandy
it is so nice to back to school, as it is the last year for you, inshallah in the next year you'll tell us about your college and your new friends.
I envie the school and university students each day when I see them in the street, while they are going to their school, or colleges, but I'm going to work.
but i'm happy that I finish a good part of my duty in life, so now It is diffirent, I have other resposibility than studying and doing exams.
I'm happy to know that Maf is back to school again, take care of your friend, she realy needs you.
Wishing that you both will always be together.

best wishes.

your uncle from germany said...

how you doing kid??

soon you will see how difrent is the collage life than school

your space is empty here in europ

and you got a big chance to get a certificate here

and the certificate is a dreame for all iraqi people

and get the knowledge from any where in this world and give it to the unborn generation(the next generation)this is how wee solve the problems of iraq

take care kid

iraqi-translator said...

I'm sure, You will do it Sandy...
I'm looking forward from this moment to that day when the results publishe in August 2009.
All of us with you, will support you...
see you...

C.H. said...


I hope everything is going very well for you...all of your friends want to see you back really, really soon :):):)

Don't get to stressed with school, okay? You are doing such a great job and we are all proud of you ;)