Whispers to my mom

" Has anyone told you I'm not breathing? has anyone said I'm not here? but I have the question, was I really there?
Mom, so great is my pain.. I can't move it, I can't smile again..
Mom, if I smiled, I wouldn't believe it, it will be just a delusion, it was all delusion all the time over.
Mom, in the school, I stood again on the ground, I took my way to there. I didn't feel of myself , untill I was faced by the door, the celing and the window, it was of gold. Mom! I cried bitterly, I needed it indeed. I felt so lonely, so hurt. It was so cold, my body had been frozen. I couldn't endure, I think he knew I could come, had he been waiting for me to tell him? even though he knew everything?!
I felt of him, his kind looking, they were just like skylights , but please mom, do never tell him I came there if he forgot..
Mom, I sat beneath the old wall, I covered my body with his warm cloak, I kept mentioning the holly names.
Mom, he knew it is not true, it is unfair, but it is fate..
Mom, suddenly I found myself on the ground again, but it was not a dream, I was not sleeping!
The pain came again when it rained..
Rain.. Rain.. Rain..
Mom, even the raindrops felt sorry about me.
Mom, I wanted the truth, who should show me? who should tell me? the story? or who should move away my pain?
Mom, I can't tell you, I can't sadden you, if it was pain, I'm the only one who should bear, but I just don't want to close the door, I don't want to be hurt anymore.
Mom, who is to blame?
Mom, please, remind me of that tale, when the farmer could find the treasure in the place where none expected and none believed, when everybody thought of it to be like the asphalt in the street.
Mom, please, hug me when I die, and give me a kiss.
I love you mom, and I don't know how, when or from where.
Mom, maybe it is strange to talk like this, but I have no other shelter except it.
Mom, my sweet angel, may you tell me what you had spoken when you were in my age?
Mom, could you dry out my tears now? could you -as your usual- order the harm to leave my heart.
I don't want anyone to fix me, I'm not broken, I'm just hurt.
And my only wish is that all the souls to be blessed and the true peace to be spread".

I whispered while I was sitting near my mom, she was deeply sleeping after a hard day. I was holding her hand, and felt O.K to speak..
***************************************
I was sad, for my friend lost her mom, and it is another miserable story,and my other friend needs a surgery, it is a so dangerous case and for seeing off a great person whom I will never forget.

You all, be safe

Sandybelle

PS, thank you my dear friend Ali for asking bout me, I'll tell something about my lessons next time :D