25 May 2008

They have their Iraq and I have mine

The kind date-palm.

The beautiful Baghdad.
Al-Sareefa, a local little house made by reeds, can be usually found to the south of Iraq.
Zakho, inthe north.
Al-Malwiyya, in Samarra, to the north of Iraq.
Tigris, during the time of the sunset.
Tikrit governorate

They have their Iraq, and I have the one mine.
Their Iraq is about a problem that they fight each other for, and my Iraq is about the greatest solution that we can be brought all together by , and can all swim in his rivers.
They have their Iraq... and I have mine

Their Iraq is about a government has many leaders, and my Iraq is about a great mountain that leads to the way beyond the sun.
They have their Iraq ... But I have mine.

Their Iraq is about a land of battle, and my Iraq is about a land of treasures, date-palms and rivers.
They have their Iraq and I have mine.
Their Iraq have people, people here only ready to take and usually forget to give. and I have my Iraq and his people are the great farmers , workers, teacher, doctors, advocates, angels and livers.
They have their Iraq, and I love mine.

Their Iraq have chains, and everytime when they try to remove them, they fail,
and my Iraq is the one who can help to remove all the chains and free all the slaves.
They have their Iraq.. and my Iraq is mine.

Their Iraq is like a house gathering a bizzare family whose members are ready to kill each others and to steal each other. but My Iraq is like a house gathering a strong united family, every member knows which is the duty and which is the right. and the members are not alike, someone is old, other is young, other works in a job , other works in a very different other. they go to different tempres, churches, mosques and shrines, but they are all here for each other..
My people are the little guyes who try to climb the high mountains to find the nut trees, and the high date-palms to gather the dates. My people are the best mothers who care about their kids to make them learn how to be and to do, and who care about their husbands who have already come from the place where they could find remains of past others..
They have their Iraq.. and I have the one Mine.

Their Iraq is a land of secrets and history of past wars, but my Iraq's secrets are the ones who brough the treasures , the kindness, the beauty , the faith , the hope and the holy prayers. And history of who were one day here doing what we try to continue doing now.
They have their Iraq, and i have the one mine.
Their Iraq is about hell, they can't live in, but my Iraq is the Paradise that I love to have my life flying with the birds that fill its space with warbling to call others to come to sing..
Sing the Song of Life..
My Iraq is not like theirs.. Nothing can ever change my Iraq.. and nothing can ever change my love towards.
My Iraq is the great true... and their Iraq is the humble false.
I love my Iraq..

22 May 2008

I'm happy for my Iraq

This photo is from south of Iraq ( a marsh).

Many things make me feel happy even though if they were simple, and right now, I really feel happy.
To see my people's eyes full of hope and happiness make me feel so happy.

This photo is from Mosul :)
Two days ago, I visited our neighbors, I have not visited them for about two years!!! yes, two years. My parents usually visit them, but I most of the time can be busy, so I don't go with them. I met their daughters, they are 26 and 27 years old ones, but I was able to talk to them, they are so sweet and we kept talking about differnt subjects, and things happened during the two years. while we were at theirs, another family came and later other two families, so the children stayed in one room , and the adults in other and the parents in other one. Their son's wife gave birth to a little baby, he is so cute, he is only 30 days old!!!! Soon, my mom remembered me when I was in his age and said " Oh, soleil, you have grwon up very quickly, my dear".

this photo is from Tikrit, an area in the north of Iraq.

I stayed at the parents room for a while, and the main men's talking was about politics, and guess what?
They were five men, from different sects and religions ( different men gathered in Mosul), and the all kept praising the government and the last operation whose name was changed to Um Alrabeeayn ( mother of two springs), the all were happy for our continous victory against the terrorism, the all realize that there is no way to live happily without unity. The all realize that Iraqis should be united by Belonging to the same land, no matter if there were differences among tongues and religions and sects, we are all Iraqis. And together we can be strong.
The women talking was about politics too, and of coourse other issues I didn't get because I left the room.
The children kept playing together.
And I spent most of the time with the two lovely girls, they know a lot about computer and formatting, they promised me to teach me about computer, because computer is not of the very things that I like to do during my spare time, I prefer reading, writing , singing, , acting, listening to music, searching via the net about things i can be wondering about and lately new thing was added to the list, blogging and checking E-mails.
I was so happy to visit them, and then having a walk in my quarter after that.

The national guards inspected our home and they were so polite and calm, as soon as they knew that we are well- educated family after asking about my dad's name they said
" Oh, we are sorry, we admire such people of Iraq"
and began making jokes with each other kidding my little sister.
when they knew that mom and dad work in the same spot, they said " so you married her after love relationship, mmmm, love.. love..love", my dad turned very shy, really, his face was red to his ears.
Thank God, we finished the crfew safely.
And to be mentioned that the bacaloria of the sixth class was postponed to 26/ 6.
I wish luck for all the students.
May the ways be blessed..
I called my aunt who lives in Baghdad ( I have not called her for a long time), she began blaming me why I don't call her always, and I told her that I didn't have the time but the last days, I was too busy with school ,and I'm still busy with my study. Then aunt kept wishing me luck.
She was in Alkadhum Market, a very famoust market in Baghdad, she was doing shopping so I needed to end the calling soon.
I love Baghdad so much and always wait to visit it and always watch the news ( although I hate that so much because I dislike politics) to see a views from it, and to make sure that everything is getteing better, I look forward to live that day in Baghdad when I'll be able to meet all my friends there, a safe beautiful city without violence.
I started studying after the rest time, it is the first step on my real way, and the last step in school mention. I hope the next will be bright.for me and for everyone else.

I'm happy,

17 May 2008

Words to lead me

My humble experience in life leads me to think of things can maybe be considered foolish or strange. I ask because I believe that I can express my true feelings like how I like to do, and I believe that my questions (which increase my confidence in myself and my experience in life) can be considered right because I'm still learning, although the parents depend on me highly but life is like the great ocean without border and with waves (maybe crazy waves:)).

Why were we made? It is a questions, and how a great question is it!! It leads me to think always of the high mountains, the large farms, the flying birds, the high trees, the shining sun, the lighting moon, the green meadows, the ants, bees, butterflies, fish, far seas, the low valleys.
The opened eyes, speaking tongues, catching hands and the doing hands.

Low valleys? High mountains? What is the relation between them and the doing hands and the speaking tongues?
Confusion? No, I don't think so.
Everyone can make his/her way to climb the mountain or to fall down the valley.
On life way, there are mountains and valleys.
I myself always look for the eternal immortality, should it be via my deeds, sayings or thoughts? Or the all together?
I choose the all. But what will happen if not everyone wants to listen? Or to hear the true voice that I call by? What will happen? if not everyone sees my true face? mm
What will happen if not everyone considers my deeds like I want and mean him/her to consider and think of.
I was talking to my dad about this. Dad said
" Dear, I admire this feature of you. Your special way in seeing the things is special".

" ok dad, I'm talking to you and really, I want you to tell me, I wonder, please, I'm not here to listen to praising. Please!!'' I interrupted him angrily !! because really the questions were hard for me. Why some people behave foolishly? Why are there not good people? Why? why???

" Oh come one!! I'm not here to praise you, I just tell you the truth, and the truth asks me to tell you the truth!!! Strange sentence right?
But look dear, I completely understand very well how do you really feel. Let me tell you, you sometimes turn against yourself for no main and true reason. You become too hard at yourself. I appreciate how you suffer to live in pure world, world tries to gather everyone by one hand to work for the land, the land that always gives us but many of us don't see the right and so, don’t appreciate. I see !!
I still remember your eyes when they shed tears at hearing the saying " The best one is who do the best for the others", I know you , really know you.
But your questions lead to others ,dear.
Why don't we put the secret of God in front of us always?. God, who made us to be together and gave us the heart, the mind and everything may help us.
You see dear, thoughts of today are not like the thoughts of 100 years ago, or thoughts of farther duration, because everyday contains the new, the new that leads to new.
I realize that the heart is the same, which owns four chambers. But do all of us make the chambers specified for the right feelings?
And the mind is the same, but do all of us use the mind parts for the same and the high ideas?I don't mean that all of us should use the mind in the same aspect, no ,although the concrete things are the same, but the unperceptible things are different. The way of thinking , the way of learning and teaching is not the same, and this is why we are here, able to communicate, and this is why we don't feel of ennui. If there was not evil we wouldn't be able to feel of the goodness, as if there was not darkness, we wouldn't be able to feel of the light.
But this doesn't mean that we should stay here hopeless, and warm our hearts upon the fire, no. we know the benefit of the light, and the great return of the goodness through that, so we have to work for the best thing that our pure hearts feel of.
I'm sure that many times you feel that the earth doesn't rotate. Whenever you do something wrong, and don't you forget that we all do wrong things in our lives, but of course, not everyone means to mention them, this one of the humans' features and no one can avoid mistakes and no one can deny this., anyway, when you do something wrong, and as soon as you feel of it ,and say " Oh my God! How horrible! How could I do it?!!, Oh No!!", you will make another step on your way to climb the highest mountain. It is better than insisting on remaining on the fault.
Dear, this is one of the things that I like of you. The great virtue is when you say I'm sorry when you do a mistake.
Now tell my, why you are angry? Mmm, now is daddy's time, to joke, come one"
Then daddy began to make jokes to comfort me.
I'm so grateful that I have such great encouraging dad.
Then, before going to sleep, -and after saying the prayers that I like to say- I turned to think of my dad's talking.
What do you think of it?
I felt comfortable, and in one minute I remembered all my mistakes, and felt of the benefit of my good deeds, ok I realize now that good deeds are great and the aims of any giant person.
I said " I'm sorry", I was sorry towards myself, all the people that I know, and to God.
I'm sorry for everything wrong I did in my life, whole my life.
And I also forgive everybody did something wrong with me, forgiveness is a great treasure. Yed.
Thank God, because he supports us, by making us see the true faces, hearing the great voices, giving the best to do the good deeds and by having friends. Friends stand by the one's side.
Now, my message to everyone " let the matters be, listen , think, say and do.. and let's see how great the life will be.. life is about two days, day for you and day against you. So , let's be happy and proud of the one for us and strong for the one against us.".

We are like secrets. We are like pencils. Let's write the right thing.
Sandybelle the Soleil.

BTW: for these days, I suffer of a strange heart pain, I wonder, should I tell my parents? I don't want to irk them or to make them feel worried. what do you think?

12 May 2008

The things that happened were special

Many things happen in the life and they are all special because every rose has its own way to make people feel happy and surprised by its perfume.

Saturday was a very special day. My sisters and I were planning for a surprise for my mom. it was her birthday and what was the most beautiful thing is that she had forgotten!!!!
Since the early morning, we woke up , and arranged the home, made breakfast and the little sisters went to the shop near our home and bought balloons and a snow spray (we use such spray in special occasions such as weddings, graduations and birthday parties). We needed to turn to the secondary plan because of the sudden curfew that had been announced by the government in Mosul.
At 1:15 p.m. I called the best friend, and we kept talking for about quarter of an hour, and maybe it was the happiest quarter I have ever spent. I felt I'm like a plume , can fly so high, and go to him. I was so happy and to be mentioned I said God's name more than hundred times, I was so embarrassed and shy but not after I heard his voice, I really felt comfortable. and when I ended the calling, I soon told my mom, she saw my shining eyes and said " oh dear!! I'm sure he feels happy with this calling too ".
Then, after lunch, we began to put the balloons ,and the ornament everywhere in the biggest room in our home. and lightly brough the cake , dessert and juice.
Mom asked " why do you lock up the door??
We answered " Oh.. yes.. maybe.. ok.. we are ... we want... ok mom!! this time it isn't your business!! we are sorry"
actually we hardly could hide our laughs. hahaha. it was a happy feeling.
At 7:00 p.m., we changed our clothes and wore the most beautiful ones, we then sent an invitation to mom to attend the party ( we wrote the invitation and sent two copies, to mom and dad, and it was my sister A idea).
Then, mom and dad came, and as soon as they entered the room we said " Wowwwwwww,happy birthday!!!!!!" and began to spray, and disperse chocolate.
Mom was really surprised ( but not dad, we told him in advance, he was a great helper to not to let her feel of our planning) . we began to sing songs, kissing the mom, playing the play with our little dolls( it was a play about mom and her three daughters and two sons, and the dad was very helpful one"
then , we began to read the poems that we created for the mom ( mom's tears falling down, I was so surprised, my mom is a very strong woman, she is my greatest support and kindness source, I couldn't bear this scene and hard could hide tears of mine too).
There was so much fun, jokes , songs, dancing and playing. Mom felt so happy.
Mom!!! you are great!!!
Mom said that it had been so nice of us to remember her birthday!!!

" you are the kind of mother.. everyone should have
you are always giving so much..without expecting anything back
your heart is so gentle.. and filled with love
you are not only a great mother ..you are a special one
May your birthday deliver endless blessings to you
for your support and caring and all that you do"

We also received a calling from my unlce who lives inUAE asking us to attend the gathering that will be happened in Syria. He said that all our relatives from different countries in the world will attend, and they all insist on seeing us. He said that we will consider Syria as our station and we can go anywhere else from it. I liked this idea, and maybe we all will go to Turkey, I love the family meetings. especially when I live here alone, with only my little family. I have no relatives in this city, I many times feel bored of being alone and spend hours imagining my relatvives whom I have never seen, they all know my and know my name, But I ....
Regards the situation, Curfew has started on Saturday , the present military operation is called
" Lion Roaring'' as I think. inspection happens in different quarters in Mosul, and we are praying for the happy and peaceful latter.

بمنع التجوال الواحد يكدر يشوف ابوه دائما, اليوم بابا جان ديبدل ولبس رباط كللللللللللش حلو, اتفق ويه رياجيل المنطقه حتى ديسولفون علوضع واشياء اني ما احبهه, معظمهه سياسيه. ما علينا. اختي الصغيره سالته, بابا!! اشوكت عيدميلادك؟
بابا: باباتي عيدميلادي ابشهر السابع. اكلج ساندي!!اشوكت؟ يا يوم؟ صدك نسيت
اني: 14 تسعه بابا!!!هاي شنو نسيت؟؟؟!!!!ممم
اختي: بابا اشكد راح ايصير عمرك؟

بابا: خمسين

اختي: خمسين الف؟؟ انته اشكد جبير!!!! انته احلى اب

طبعا بابا بصعوبه كدر يخفي الضحكه, تدرون اشكال؟؟

اي حبيبتي اي.. اني اتذكر يوم اشور بانيبال استلم الحكم, ويوم حمورابي من زعل امه, اي اشلون!!! خمسين الف

اختي: منو اشور؟ صديقك؟ اني ليش ما اعرفه؟
بعدين بابا ظل يشرح لاختي و يفهمهه, الارقام, وحجالهه هم عله اشور

اني خربت من الضحك, بابا انسان رائع ويكدر يخلق من ابسط حجايه نكته, بس تدرون؟؟ اني ظليت افكر, اكيد مجان عدهم حظر للتجول
اشوفكم بخير.. و ادعولي.. هاي اول مره احجي بالعراقي هنا

6 May 2008

To be a friend

People around me are so important. It is so important to have people around you love you and care about you.
I went to school for the last day on Sunday, to meet my classmates and to spend the happiest time with them . I didn’t wear the uniform.
On the way to school, we kept listening to music in the car and repeating the songs. We were so happy. And on he way back home, we kept listening to music too and we visited different quarters in my city that I had never seen nor visited than before.
We were so happy.
I kept talking to my teachers, they were such wonderful conversations, I didn't feel that I talk to my teachers, I felt that they are my friends.
Arabic teacher kept talking me about her family ,and listened to many poems I had written, and liked them. This teacher actually likes me too much, and she has my cell phone number and texting me from time to time. and I feel embarrassed (I know, I know, I don't have to feel embarrassed).
And French teacher took my number too, and promised me to send me a special CD of French songs with my friend SG, she likes my singing and me too much.
Physics and chemistry teachers are wonderful too, they kept saying prayers for me and asking me not to forget them, I really felt soooo shy.
Religion teacher invited me to her wedding party ,with the friend R. and she kept talking about her fiancé , she loves him too much, and he too. I wish them all the happiness.
My teacher Sb ,of history and geography, kept talking to me too and praising my personality. She said that she expects me to become such an important leader in the bright future of Iraq. She says that if she has all the word's problems and thinks of me, she will forget her problems soon. She says that I'm like the sun, has wonderful rays that warm many hearts.
And many other teachers, I know or don’t know, because everybody in the school knows me. When I was walking with my friends R, on the way , I met many girls and they all asked my in a hurry about my health and congratulated me for my high marks and wished me luck. I kept smiling (and later I had mouth ache because of smiling for a long time, really!!!) and wishing them luck. And guess what?
R later said " you have many friends, and I envy you that you can learn all their names by heart!!"
" what? Their names? I really don't know them !!"
R opened her mouth, and said " what????????? You don’t know their names?
Oh girl , you are too famous, like any famous singer I see in the TV, when she/he smiles for all the people and talking to them as he/she knows them!! My god!!"
And my cheeks turned sharply red, I wanted to leave that place soon., I felt so shy that I don’t know their names. Really !!! they are too many and I can't learn all the names. Thank God I can remember my name!!!!
Among the all, I can see and choose the best friend, all the friends are wonderful and are great helpers ( just like you) , but the best friend remains the best friend.
I had a great friend, Ran, was a good girl that can understand me clearly and can enter my eyes to see what lies beyond the iris. And spent many happy times with her.
After her leaving, I felt so sad, and I was spending long hours standing in the same spot that we both met each other for the first time. I love her too much, and although she is away, but she will stay in my heart.
I believe that there is no lines in the life, and nothing impossible. I believe that God always gives his serfs what they need of mercy and caring.
One day I met someone. I didn’t think that he could fill the space that had been created in my life.
This friend is older than me, and he could destroy the chains , and could give all the people a lesson that age is not important in the friendship.
The first friend, older than me, and at first, actually I was afraid that he might ignore my email, the first email I sent to him. But he replied, and I replied, he replied, then I replied, then. .. then. ..
Until , we became very close friends (at least, i consider him the friend), for long months, I was always sending him emails and telling him about my latest news , my hopes, ambitions, and dreams.
And in talking about dreams and ambitions I could find him the greatest first supporter ,in talking about problems I could see him the drops that can take the mud away. in my happy moments he feels happy for me, and sad times he feels sad for me. He is the true friend that any one likes to have.
When I hear any news, he is the first one that knows, I talk about him proudly among my other friends and relatives. The friend helped me to improve my English and, he taught me many words, and so, my love towards the knowledge grows bigger day after day.
The friend taught me a lot , to admire all the others' opinions and to try to explain our thoughts with the nice way that make everybody agrees to listen. He taught me also that the far distance is not that important in the way of the true friendship.
I love to call the friend Ammu ( ammu = uncle), using the Iraqi simple way in talking with him makes me feel so comfortable, and makes me admire him more and more that although he left Iraq in the early years of his life, but he still has the great love towards his fatherland, he cares about Iraq and Iraqis.
Friend!!! I hope you'll have a daughter, and you will name her my name, and will tell her about me, your friend that doesn't forget you at all, that prays for you and asks God to bless your way wherever you go and whatever you do.
Friend!! when you will come to Iraq, I'll be there in the airport holding a flower, and I will call the flower," The flower of friendship", the real friendship that doesn't know the differences in age, color, distance and tongue.
صديقي, ناصحي المثابر, في سرائي و في ضرائي تؤازر, تفرح لانتصاري, تسعد عند نجاحي, شمعة الطريق!!
طول الدرب, اني دوما معك , يا صديق انا معك لن اخذلك , طول العمر اني دوما معك ! يا شريك الوفاء..
For the last few weeks, my friend was absent, I have not heard about him, I was sooooooooo sad and I thought he might forget me and me and our friendship!! Oh, no!!!!"
And I lost the desire of eating, I was so gloomy, but after I heard his voice I felt of my soleil, that it began to spread the rays again.
His fatherly voice that made my tears fall down. before i called him, i said God's name more than hundred times, so i could talk to him.
Ok, the best friend might be busy, and so, I have to ask about him, the friend always stays in mind.
Dear friends,
You are all dears, and I will never forget your kindness and you are all great helpers, I hope you will be having great friends like me, let your eyes see what lies beyond the sun.

To Be a friend..

1 May 2008

My hope

Cherish for life, for hope and peace.
This academic year is over, and the words filled it with life, hope and peace.
We don't really know , why we should stand against, but we just know that there is something waiting for us, and we are here to do it.
My dear friend, C.H. asked me about my plans for the vacation. Mmmmm
As I said in my post (how is education in Iraq) that the sixth year (the next one for me) of the high school is the year of graduation and saying goodbye for the school and hello for the college.
So , next year will make me guess how I will be in the future, my career and life style.
As I told you, I love to be a doctor, and medicine college is on the top of the list of colleges in Iraq and it needs very high marks to join it, so , my vacation should include studying ( actually , I study and read everyday and every vacation, not text books, but books talk about different topics and this is why I face difficulties in my study rarely.
Usually, I spend my vacation with reading, writing, learning cooking, singing, acting, traveling, doing home affairs , doing experiments that I learn via encyclopedias ( it is so interesting), dreaming of visiting places no one thinks of nor hears about, trying to discover more and more ,and absolutely playing with the wonderful sisters , fighting the awesome brothers, hehehe.
This time, my vacation will be special, I should study the text books of the sixth class and make my thoughts , all my thoughts, over them. To accomplish one of the enormous dreams, it needs such strategy. as well , we are planning to visit Turkey.
I always look at the doctors with eyes full of hope and respect, and my determination increases day after day. I believe that with hard work and free mind , nothing will be impossible. And I may be like them someday.
There is an exam made in Baghdad by the ministry for the smart and intelligent students to pass the years of bacaloria during the vacation, and they can go to the college directly ( I did it once two years ago, and could pass the third class and I directly joined the fourth class), so , I'm planning to do it with some friends and I will do my best, and the only thing that I need in addition to my hard work ,is your prayers, dears!! Wish me luck!!

Situation is not that good, the prime minister announced that the new operation against the terrorists will get started during five or seven days. So, we expect curfews , and inspections.
Today I went to the doctor clinic ( he is very good man, and when I told him about my dreams he kept smiling and praying for me, he said " oh, dear, please go to the college rapidly and let us create our own clinic together!!! I'm sure that you will help me and get the better of me, hehehehe) , and on my way, there were many checkpoints and police cars, we were so afraid and I kept walking saying prayers, and American tanks suddenly stopped in the middle of the street and the soldiers began to shout, they were too angry, I really was soooooo afraid and I could hear them cursing. Later, we could take our home safely.
These days, I can spend happy moments with my sisters, some changing are taking place at our home, new furniture and paintings.

My hope is to become a doctor, and be free and can visit many Iraqi cities to see how the patients are, to support them and create the hope inside them. To visit all the Iraqi gardens and take share in planting roses and trees, in playing with the quarters children, soccer and handball, in seeing all the Iraqis smiling and saying that there is nothing impossible and nothing unreachable.
My hope,