30 Aug 2009
Not the first time I felt of my nose so cold, not the first time I felt my body frozen, and not the first time I needed a strength to close my eyes.
It was "yes" , tomorrow was back!
To trust my fate, to trust my ways, and my days.
"At least, he doesn’t doubt my love .." and I don’t need to call him.. I have to learn more, to get the ability and the suitable features to invoke his blessed soul. He had gone hundreds years ago, but I am sure, he was somewhere there.. somewhere I couldn’t see nor grope, but now, I do.. I am OK.
I believe it will never happen again, and I will never ask for anymore. It was too enough for me..yes, enough.
I always wondered, when, where and how to reach him. Today, its all due to him, and I don’t need to wonder at all.. I am just thanking him.. he was the reason to awake me.. O Lord!! Tell him that I am fine!! Tell him please!!
It was so complex, and fear captured me.. like cannibals were in a city, and I was there, it was so hot, and I demanded a canopy.. realization that caging my emotions as well as my cries was so hard, but I had to cling, I had to be collected.
Hmmm, its something calls me to itch my skin .. As if somebody tried to calminate my reputation, somebody was full of energy, and only ready to say that I was weak and I must never be depended on. and I was angry, it was all lies.. inwardly, I may laugh for it all was about a nightmare, and for why I am typing this now. Maybe because I am willing to study orthography.. maybe.. let these fingertips do what they like to do.. they should take their chance..
When my dad talked to me, he clearly noticed that I was ill, and he kept asking me why and when.. he kept urging me to take medicine and in the beginning, I ignored his advice, I just dislike the medicine, later, I found it unbreakable, all the matter was unbreakable.
In my bed, I kept thinking and raving, unfortunately, I cant remember my words. The carousal, the cardigan that I really needed, it suddenly became cold.. I think I can chuckle this moment.. :D
My little sisters kept preparing food for me in very beautiful plates, -I was sick, and I should have been taking food in special dishes, just like any princess.. oh , what a great idea lol !!-
Actually, my parents' friends bring us Iraqi food for every day of Ramadan, each day for each family. it was a great feeling to realize people's love towards you.. so great to know how wonderful, amazing and nice your parents are!!!
So , all my sisters' job was to put the food in a proper way. :D
And all my job was to nibble my meal..
In the night, my goal was how to let me little nouna (my youngest sister) sleep well. She was so afraid about me, and kept praying all night long.. I asked her to sit next to me, but not so near, and I kept singing, oh! she liked the lullably.
It was the next night, just when the sleeping started sneaking, the same nightmare began to repeat the events.. I was scared and refused to sleep. That opaque importunity had to disappear..
These are the blessed days that I waited for so long, to live them with a bit of comprehension. It shouldn’t be like a normal annual custom, to wake up early, stop eating when the sun rises and when you hear the caller in the mosque.. and the questions about the tenor behind, and why God offered an excuse for those who cant fast for a reason or another. These were questions, I am doing my best to help.
" it’s a blessed day.. a blessed day.." when another little horror's shadow began to come closer, I said and followed by my favorite verse from the holly Qur'an. I couldn’t observe it, all what I think " it was an attempt to crawl" !
Just another fable .. expect tomorrow to come back!
When I was sick,whom I needed was my mother.. I really needed her..
Midday, my cousin (from my mom's side) called me. A trembling voice led my heart to beat quickly. All what I used to hear with trembling voices is bad news. And all my thoughts danced lightly to find a suitable answer for the so many questions. What might be happening?
-hello!!!!!!! How are you G, my eyes! (an attempt to sound normal like if everything should be ok.. and my eyes, Iraqi cute way in talking, like my dear in English ; however, my dear means Azizti in Iraqi)
- Wht do you think? Am I ok? Shams. R, R is in hospital.. my sister is in hospital..
- have not you switched on the television? Shams.. explosion, expolsion..
- what? No, I have not watched the TV yet.but..
(she interrupted me)
-Shams, I have to go..
With trembling hands, I switched on the TV, and saw the reporter speaking about a series of explosions.
My sisters hurried towards me, with water, it seemed like everything came to be so dark.. so dark..
At 10:47 I called my aunt to ask about R. She said
" R was with her colleages in the ground floor, talking about Ramadan, shopping and how hard work might be. They were laughing at each other while preparing for a work journey.. –of course, they were unable to see what would happen, unable to understand how painfully their little dreams would be ruined, ruined with damned pieces of metal!! –
R was surrounded by her friends .. a nice work team!
Fate was that her colleages would be like human armors. She fell down..
Later, police cars, ambulances, fire engines, arrived.. Rescures entered the destroyed building.. they began to inspect, seeking for survivors.l they found R.
Immediately, they came and carried her asking her not look around. She couldn’t obey, and looked..
Brains, legs, arms, chests and scalps everywhere..
Burnt people, and pieces of glass..
She fell uncounsious, and later, found herself in the hospital..
I called my other aunt (my dad's sister) to know if they got something bad or not. My aunt lives in 14th ramadan street, and said that their house kept shaking. the windows and the doors, although it is not that near to the main explosions areas.
her daughter (who is a doctor works in madeenat al-tib 'city of medicine') in Baghdad told me that doctors teams were so confused because of the many dangerous cases. She said that the blood was everywhere in the hospital and that women's cries were heard all the times, wounded men's wail was so touching..it was a really very bad day.
Not only the people who worked in the ministries were hurt , but also people whose houses and flats are near and so near to the ministries. Most of them are very poor and hardly can get wages to keep their lives.. lives with such a great selfsteem..
Poor ones are the hospitals of Iraq. They cant offer the good care to the vitctims, and they always witness catastrophes, always..
For a long time, war inspirations captured our caution, and for a long time the tear didn’t leave our cheeks.. is it because of its insistance? Or because of the smile's fear to remain for too long???!
updating : last night, my cousin R's sister, called me, she told me that their family and many of R's friends' families have donated money for the poor families. it leads me eyes to wet when I hear such news.. but, on the other hand, one of R's best friends had to amputate her legs, when she has done, her fiance soon called her telling her that he is not able to continue life with her for any longer :-( :-( :-(