30 Aug 2009

Mixture of feelings

Still trying to find the clue to understand what happened that evening.
Not the first time I felt of my nose so cold, not the first time I felt my body frozen, and not the first time I needed a strength to close my eyes.

It was "yes" , tomorrow was back!

To trust my fate, to trust my ways, and my days.

"At least, he doesn’t doubt my love .." and I don’t need to call him.. I have to learn more, to get the ability and the suitable features to invoke his blessed soul. He had gone hundreds years ago, but I am sure, he was somewhere there.. somewhere I couldn’t see nor grope, but now, I do.. I am OK.
I believe it will never happen again, and I will never ask for anymore. It was too enough for me..yes, enough.

I always wondered, when, where and how to reach him. Today, its all due to him, and I don’t need to wonder at all.. I am just thanking him.. he was the reason to awake me.. O Lord!! Tell him that I am fine!! Tell him please!!

It was so complex, and fear captured me.. like cannibals were in a city, and I was there, it was so hot, and I demanded a canopy.. realization that caging my emotions as well as my cries was so hard, but I had to cling, I had to be collected.

Hmmm, its something calls me to itch my skin .. As if somebody tried to calminate my reputation, somebody was full of energy, and only ready to say that I was weak and I must never be depended on. and I was angry, it was all lies.. inwardly, I may laugh for it all was about a nightmare, and for why I am typing this now. Maybe because I am willing to study orthography.. maybe.. let these fingertips do what they like to do.. they should take their chance..

When my dad talked to me, he clearly noticed that I was ill, and he kept asking me why and when.. he kept urging me to take medicine and in the beginning, I ignored his advice, I just dislike the medicine, later, I found it unbreakable, all the matter was unbreakable.

In my bed, I kept thinking and raving, unfortunately, I cant remember my words. The carousal, the cardigan that I really needed, it suddenly became cold.. I think I can chuckle this moment.. :D

Such obsesstions!!!

My little sisters kept preparing food for me in very beautiful plates, -I was sick, and I should have been taking food in special dishes, just like any princess.. oh , what a great idea lol !!-
Actually, my parents' friends bring us Iraqi food for every day of Ramadan, each day for each family. it was a great feeling to realize people's love towards you.. so great to know how wonderful, amazing and nice your parents are!!!
So , all my sisters' job was to put the food in a proper way. :D
And all my job was to nibble my meal..

In the night, my goal was how to let me little nouna (my youngest sister) sleep well. She was so afraid about me, and kept praying all night long.. I asked her to sit next to me, but not so near, and I kept singing, oh! she liked the lullably.

It was the next night, just when the sleeping started sneaking, the same nightmare began to repeat the events.. I was scared and refused to sleep. That opaque importunity had to disappear..

These are the blessed days that I waited for so long, to live them with a bit of comprehension. It shouldn’t be like a normal annual custom, to wake up early, stop eating when the sun rises and when you hear the caller in the mosque.. and the questions about the tenor behind, and why God offered an excuse for those who cant fast for a reason or another. These were questions, I am doing my best to help.

" it’s a blessed day.. a blessed day.." when another little horror's shadow began to come closer, I said and followed by my favorite verse from the holly Qur'an. I couldn’t observe it, all what I think " it was an attempt to crawl" !

Just another fable .. expect tomorrow to come back!

When I was sick,whom I needed was my mother.. I really needed her..

Soleil.

15 comments:

Dr.Violet said...

Dear I pray mama will come soon and pleases your heart :)
Sweetie , please stay safe and take care of yourself and your sisters :)

Prayers

Ali said...

Oh, such a great post! wowwwwww. what a wonderful imagination you have! the words you use seem to be taken from a movie. its nice!!! May God bless you, waiting for other posts.

Wisam said...

I did not understand anything of this post. I am really who need a clue. I just believe you were ill,and i am very sorry to hear this. you should take care of yourself, dont press, please. you need some times to have a rest, relaxation and comfort. you have many good days ahead to live. الحمد لله على السلامه شموس, عيونا انتي, دير بالج علنفسج يا بنت الناس

Johny said...

Very nice feelings and very nice end. YUP

Yasser said...

What is wrong Sandy?
Is there anything we can help with.
Anyway, hope you are ok now.
Be safe ...

Reem said...

الحمد لله على السلامه

Touta said...

get well soon, and take care of yourself sandy, you have a lot in life to look forward to, so think of your dreams and smile.

love,

Michomeme said...

Salamat sandy, inshallah you will be ok soon, take care of your self, eat well and listen well to what your father says. inshallah your parents will be back soon with good news. I will pray for you all.

mais.m.issa said...

dear sandybelle its an amazing blog you are really talented keep writing pretty girl i wish u the best.

James said...

I am very sorry to know you were sick, how do you feel now? please, recover soon.

Anonymous said...

Be safe and take care

Sandybelle said...

All my dear friends,
Thanks so much for your supporting and nice words..

Mais,
Thank you!

Micho,
yes yes, i will , i will.. ok, i promise, my dad's order.. yes!! hahahaha
thank you!

James and anonymous,
other thanks ;)
I feel better now.

Johny and Reem,
:) :) :)

Dr. violet,
thanks!

Ali,
hey man!! you just thought of a movie!! lol

Touta,
Toutati, toutati!! hehe
yes, my dreams and a smile!! Thank you!!

Yasser,
Oh Yasser, dont worry :) it was just a feeling of loss , you know, its a bit hard to hear your mother's voice on the phone while she coughs and hardly can utter a letter, then you say " ok , mom, ok, i think i should go, and i think you should relax" and you really shouldnt go nor she should relax, both of you relax when you talk to each other.. Yeeeey.. Ok, only 29 days seperate me from hugging her..
It's passed Yasser.. Thanks.. but trust me, only your being here with these words help me to a great extent.. let me bow for you Yasser. and for the other friends.
something else, do you know what happened this morning? at 8:30 am (my parents' usual time to go to their college) i woke up and i caught the sight of my mom wearing very beautiful clothes and her make up was fantastic.. i harriedly opened my eyes again and realized, i was wrong, she was not there!!!


and

Wisam,
A clue? Lol..maybe there was something unclear with this post. I'll try to be clearer in my other posts :S

شكرا يا ابن الناس!!!!!!!!
ههههههههههههههه




always,

Shams

Khalid from iraqiblogupdates.blogspot.com/ said...

سلام شموسة يا بنت الناس شكو ماكو وين لين انشاء الله احسن اليوم بس تردين الصدك آني مااخاف عليج لانك امتداد لذلك الجيل الاصيل والشجاع والصلب الأرادة من النساء العراقيات اللائي يقابلن الاحداث الجسام فيخرجن مرفوعات الراس منتصرات وبالمستقبل متفائلات من وجوهن يستمد الشعب الامل والقدرة على الاستمرار

So blog on Sandona and I'm counting with you the 29 days that seperates you from hugging your wonderful mother. We'll celebrate with you Shamosa the daughter of the people.

انسى الهموم وعليك بالثوم وقراءة العلوم

Forget any problem and enjoy RAMADAN

Sandybelle said...

العزيز عمو خالد

شكرا جزيلا, دمعت عيني والله
الله يحفظك ياربي ويسلمك من كل مكروه

انسى الهموم اوكي, اقره العلوم هم اوكي
بس الثوم؟ الثوم مشكله!!!!! اني ماحبه بس ويه الباميه, وهم ماخلي ماما تخلي هواي, ابد ابد, نسوي تضراب ومناكل هههههههههه
واذ اخلي ثومايه بالخاشوكه , فوحده واهرسها هرس ويا التمن والمي والباميه واللحم يضيع الطعم المو طيب ابد ابد ابد

هههههههههههههههههه
تحياتي

زهرة الراوي said...

جميلة علاقتكم كخوات .. واعتناء خواتج بيج في مرضج ..
الله يحفظكم لبعض .. ويكمل عليكم بأمكم وهيه بصحة وعافية ..

الحمد لله على سلامتج .. طهور إن شاء الله