16 Jul 2009

When she left

The other day, she left..
Leaveing means her being away..

The matter always orders her being near ,and so near..
The days always help us to look down upon our hearts , then, we see her and look into her eyes and see her again looking back.

Only when the car moved I felt that I love her.. I love her to death..

With few steps, I took a way indoors.. closed the doors.. applauses of hope danced around me and everything came to feel new..

It was the first time for the feelings to be controlled.. I sat on the sofa and kept hugging my sisters.. " thanks for not insisting on accompanying her, thanks for realizing that she has not travelled for fun, she travelled for returning healthy and safe" I said..

Its so hard to say good-buy, but we know, good-buy leads them to be proud of us.. all the blames , all the rays and all the lives forget to blaze up.

Then , everyone found something to keep in touch with.. everyone's secret was to keep praying, praying for mama's spirit to be high again and for her body to be fine with no pain.

Especially me, I felt of a heavy burden for she had to leave in earlier time, but she prefferred to stay for those days, stay to witness my hair waves between her hands, while she's brushing it making a nice ponytail..

She kept looking into my eyes on Monday –which was the last day- and her words meant to make me feel stronger after being weary.

'Such a hard responsibility!' twittering..

The little sister herself took a rule, she made us sign at the bottom of a contract, " everyone should obey the young mammy and keep up hard work, with no objections! While daddy and old mammy are away" , we helplessly signed :) , who would refuse to say no in speaking to the little Nouna?!!

" I hope she will come back soon and safely, I hope all the pain will go away, away forever" my other sister said.." let me say Amen before the devil demolishes the prayers" I added..

Days passed without my parents and still are passing..
Mom's perfume still fills the space!

I ,in every time of contemplating keep thinking of mom and my exams..

Only two weeks before the exams started mom had made her surgery operation, and the house became overcrowded of people.. and I myself always kept thinking of what might happen as well.. that all happened after a month and a half of wandering from a clinic to another, doctors thought that mom might be a doll (like how they think with other people, but surely not all the doctors, I mean the majority of them).. " ok, take this medicne , if you get better it's fine, if you don’t, please visit me, again I'll give you another kind" this is what a doctor may say.!!
"ok, this medicine is of the first class, you cant find any better, if you want, I have one of other classes" this is what a pharmacist may say!!
So, we dicided for the serious case, iraq today cant be well..

Each night I sleep by my little sisters and each of my hands hold one of theirs.
It’s the firs time I feel I’m not a child, except that noon when my sister insisted that I feed her and I did and all the childhood memories came back to me..


Each exam had its own mode but all of them were united in being full of passion towards the mother, my mother.. my mind was not suitable to do anything, not suitable to do exams..

To be quiet honest, the questions were hard and my circumstances were not fine.. religion , arabic language, english language, biology, maths, chemistry, physics and french language..

Many rumors say that some of the questions (especially in maths) were wrong, no, there is NO wrong question, but they were hard, so hard, and it is my turn to show my admiration towards the committee that is responsible for preparing the questions, very good questions, questions are suitable to be the first step in creating new generations with all the deserts to participate in all the careers to rebuid our new Iraq, wonderful Iraq.

I myself cant say if I did well or not, I don’t want to think nor expect, I just hope that God will help me to get as much as I gave, I gave all these long years..

As I'm sitting here, a nice memory is trying to make my mind motley, a memory of my physics teacher..
On the day of physics exam, 4:34 pm, I received a call by him.

-" how's my little daughter? How's my little sun?"
-I'm well thanks so much ammu.. and you ? (maybe it was a very formal call :)
- I’m well, thank God.. my pleasure to hear your voice, hey!!! Why didn’t you call me ha? My right to be angry with my little sun , hahaha.
- oh, yes .. I'm.. well.. >> broken sentence
- ok, first of all, tell me, how's your abdomen muscles, I remember last time I saw you (which was in March) you were so sick and hardly can walk.. you had a laceration ,right?
- oh.. yes.. I'm well now, thanks so much.. so much.. and thank God..
- how did you do today? And.. by the way, is the picture that I drew on your copybook still alive? Hahaha. I suppose yes.. how no while it contains your name written in the middle of a sun?!! haha
- (with a tear trying to leave the eyelash quickly ) well, thank God..
Ammu, everything is still alive, every moment and every memorey..

Later, many sentences with echo invaded my parts, just like the tempest of tenderness that invaded my soul when my mom talked to me before leaving.. and then

- ma' alsalama (good-bye)
- ma' alsalama (good-buy).

Now , I keep saying the same prayers that I said when I visited a monestry in a town near my city..

I hope you echo my prayers..

Many friends asked me about my plans for this vacation, I can plan for nothing, first of all my mom should get better and later we'll see..

Just for the record , I like to mention that I got a chance to travel to the USA but I preferred to postpone everything..

All what I really need to do is to build peace, peace for me and my..

As the best friend said " this too will pass"..

Best wishes



زهرة الراوي said...

مرحباً ساندي بل .. شلونج؟ أخبارج؟
قريت عدة مواضيع حتى أعرف منية هاية الوردة اللي فجأة أزهرت في مدونتي؟

شفت كثير حزن .. بس هم شفت تفاؤل ..
بالنسبة لي دا أشوف أكو ضوء بآخر النفق .. وبما إنج تحبين الكارتون أكيد تعرفين أنه ماكو نفق إلا وبنهايته أكو ضوة يطل على حقل كبير أخضر ..
وطريق حجري مرصوف على جانبيه أشجار خضراء ونسمات الهواء تلامس وجهك برقة وتتخلل شعرك بنعومة ..
لا تنسين من فضلج زقزقة العصافير وخرير الماء ..

الله إن شاء الله يشافي أمج ويجمعكم على الخير ..

تحياتي مملوءة بالدبق من الرطوبة اللي هنا من الإمارات :)

Ali said...

Sandybelle, oh sandybelle, i should expect nothing from you to do but to do what you have done..
as your usual, brave and strong. be safe sandy and keep smiling.. you are strong enough to stay the sun that keep shining in our lives, shammosa take care of yourself and dont open the door for any stranger.

Bross said...

Oh, excellent sandy, you are great.. im sure you did well in your exams, dont worry.. young mammy, stay safe and keep up going. i loved the image..thanks..

Al-Basri said...

we are all your brothers and sisters, dont worry. i can help you with cooking,but i should know how i can find your house?!! lol , stay safe.

Khalid from iraqiblogupdates.blogspot.com/ said...

Dear Sandybelle,

I totally believe in the magic power of prayers so I'll pray to ALLAH to give your mother health and strength.

I also pray to ALLAH to reward you for all your hard work.

I'm sure that you have so much happiness yet to come.

Take care.

Steve said...

Good for you little sandybelle, I'm happy for you are able to take care of the house while your parents are away.be safe and stay strong..waiting for you to post that your mom is ok..Steve

Anonymous said...

Hey sandybelle

your best friend is right, this too will pass.. and you are right, you are like a pencil and this hard sharpening is required for you to become a better pecil.for you too, best wishe.

Demon said...

A nice post and nice three sisters.May god bless you all.

Anonymous said...

be strong
u are strong

u proved that in the last post
i give u that much

im sure u can take care of your sisters

take care kid

James said...

Hey there,

you are such a great girl. you are more than wonderful.here you are, a young mammy for two little girls. just please take care of yourself and of them, if anything happens call the police or the national guards. what about your neighbors? are they good? my prayers, all my prayers are with you.

Sandybelle said...

زهره الراوي,
نورتي المدونه عزيزتي , اشكرج

صدك؟ تشوفين حزن؟ بالفعل حتى اخويه كال نفس الشي , اي ادري اني صح متفائله بس لازم اكون اكثر سعاده, ههههههههه, يكولون روح الماضي, اوي اوي , لازم ابدل هالشي
وج عيني اموت عالكارتون, هههههههههه, فعلا الكارتون يبعث الامل والحياة , احلى شي بالدنيا
,تدرين؟ كلماتج جددت الامل في نفسي, بالفعل مادام اكو شمس واكو سمج بالمي واكو كل الاشياء الحلوه الذكرتيها زهورتي فاحنا لازم نبقى عالعهد , عايشين

اي والله الله ربي يسمع منج ويرجع ماما

شكرا حبيبتي و بوسه الج..ديري بالج على نفسج والله يساعدج من الرطوبه :S

thanks allawi, ok, im not going to open the door.. and all the friends if wantt o make sure we are ok, they call before they come.be safe ali.

thanks bross for you supporting, i appreciate it.:) :)

thanks ammu, shukren jazeelan.. may god keep you safe forever, protect you to stay the wonderful ammu that take care of his blogger children.. thanks so much..

yes, i will post as soon as mom gets home , i'll inform you.thanks so much :) :)

anonymous and Demon, thanks so much..

anonymous 2, shukren ammu, jazeelen, you are always on my mind..

hello james, thanks for your caring.. sure, im going to call the police if anything wrong happens, but pray for me not to need it :S, our neighbors are good.. but my parents'friends call us every day. you believe? i receive about 27 daily calls. i hardly can say hello, lol.. thank god for sending us good friends and people, i believe in the saying
" tell me who is your friend, i tell you who you are".. you all my friends, be safe.

Khalid from iraqiblogupdates.blogspot.com/ said...

ساندي سلام عمي شلونج
اشو البلوكرية العراقية صاروا كلهم ولدي وانا واحد واحد هاز كاروكهم

اشو بس تردين تكبرين بية شنو القصة

اي ليش خايفة ما اجي عليج خطابة عيني حتى لو اجيت كولي لا هي شنو بالكوة

دير بالج على نفسج احب مواهبج و

Alfred said...

Sandy belle. you have such a wonderful ability of expressing your feelings. you are great girl.but im just sad for you couldnt come here to the usa.ok, my dear , dont worry.you can come next time, and you will have many friends who only too ready to welcome you and take care of you.stay safe and strong.

Sam said...

Good luck Sandy to u and to ur wonderful woman,
im pretty sure ur mom will be jst great cuz she is a great a woman and u r a great lil responisble girl..
u r taugh girl and keep tight..
God bless u all..

Johny said...

Sandybelle, be blessed our dear. I'm praying for you.I hope I could do more than praying. you are wonderful girl.amazing and great.your parents should really be proud of you. i am jealous of the man who will marry you. take care our sun (i have got that your name is arabic is Shams :))

Sandybelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandybelle said...

thanks johy.

you are wonderful too.thanks :) :)

thanks Alfred. Yes, next time i will surely come, i hope hard circumstances are over :)

هسه نجي لعمنا العزيز
شلونك عمو؟؟
اني زينه اذا وفقط اذا انت زين

والله تريدالصدك عمو؟ اني اعتقد عمر حضرتك بالخمسين, اي لتستغرب, اسلوب حضرتك لطيف جدا وابوي , بس اذا اصغر حتكون كااااااااارثه, هههههههههههه

هااا خطابه؟؟ هههههههههههه, هههههههههههههه
دير بالك على نفسك عمو وشكرا جزيلا , جنت محتاجه اضحك, اي اعتقد الاشياء دتمشي صح هسه

Anonymous said...

Sandybelle, be blessed. :) :) :)

Khalid from iraqiblogupdates.blogspot.com/ said...

ساندي سلام شلونج سباعية -دا صغر بيج- وشكو ماكو وين لين حبابة دا تضحكني سوالفج بس تردين الصدك اني مراح اجي عليج خطابة لانه الظاهر انت تدورين واحد صغير ماعندة خبرة بالحياة يكمز بكيفة كل يوم بديرة

كبري بية على راحتج سويني بالسبعين ماعندي اي مشكلة اني رجال شوكت ماريد راح اتزوج وحدة اصغر منج او اكبر منج بكيفي وحسب القسمة والنصيب والتوافق ومشيئة الله

وخاف متدرين البنات اللي داير مدايري بالجامعة تسعين بالمية عمرهن بين 17 و 25 ونشترك بمختلف الفعاليات الاكاديمية والموجودة في حياة اي جامعة والعمر مو عامل اعاقة ا صلاً العمر ما مطروح اساساً

قبل جم يوم تزوج واحد غربي عمرة 65 من وحدة عمرهة 18 و فارق العمر ديزيد اهنا يوم بعد يوم لانه الشباب الطالع عاكف عن الزواج وما يتأمن ومينعرف شيريد اي دي اقري مقالتي على ثقافة الحب في جامعتي


واخيراً مثل مكتلج اني قررت ما اجي عليج خطابة الا اذا جبرتيني بس تعرفين هو زواج مو جفيان شر ملا عليوي فالافضل ادور على غيرج انت بعدنة يافتاح يارزاق سويتيلي هاي المشكلة الجبيرة الله يعلم شضامتلي بعد

محبتي خالصة وتسلمين انشاء الله

moonlight said...

Habibti if you ever need anything know that I'm here to listen and talk. Inshallah umich tirja3 bisalaama and she'll come back feeling better inshallah. Smile sweetie and stay strong for your younger siblings.

Bosat ilich 7ilwa

Moony :)

Mexican said...

i agree with your best friend..everything will pass safely.just dont worry. be happy.

Lily said...

Hi Sandybelle,
I'm glad you are ok sweetie. take care of yourself.
I hope everything will go on well, you are in my prayers Sandy.
you too dear, best wishes.

Wisam said...

Sandybelle (or shams =sun), how are you? i hope well.
It's my great pleasure and honour to be in your blog and leave a comment. yes, i should bend before the most wonderful girl i ever met.oh, sandybelle, i read many of your posts, and could notice the great progress you make through your writing. i'm iraqi and i should be proud of such an amazing girl. not only in writing, but in the subjects you talk about, you think so much of iraq and its citizens, you are great. let all the iraqis know about you, let all the world hear of the great sandybelle, the great sun that is found here. your place miss is what lies beyond the sun. stay safe and please, accept me as a friend.

Sandybelle said...


عيني, تره اني حافيه وفقيره وما اكدر امشي على بسامير
دارونا يابه دارونه
والله سلامتك ماكو شي, بس البارحه صار زلزااااااال, والله, فد شعور عظيم شعرنا بي اني وخواتي, عيني عبالك فلم ’ والله
هههههههههههههه بس الله يستر الله يستر, مناقصنا غير الزلازل
هسه اني مشايفه واحد يسأل ويجاوب روحه, هسه اني حجيت عالزاوج والخطبه؟ نطقت؟ زين" انت شحجاك وانت شنطقك؟" علكوله تحت موسى الحلاق, ههههههه
اي شكو بيهه عيني يصير عمر بالثمانين وعود يلله تفكر بالزواج, وصدكني اني اول الحضور, واجيب همين بنت اخت مرة الخياط الخيط بطلة العرس, بيدي اجيبها من عيني

على كيفك ويايه يابه, شحجينا شكلنا, هاي لو متوهمين بيك بجريمه, شحتسوي؟ بلله صدك شحتسوي؟ شحتاخذ فصل؟؟
بكيفك عيني تجي خطابه او لا, اني ما اجبر احد, ابد, لا عمي لا جفيان شر ولا ديج يكاكي من الصبح ولا بطيخ ديبسمر

تحياتي وسلامي واحترامي, اكول عيني؟ شكد عمرك لعد؟
بكيفك تكول متكول, اني هم ما اجبر احد, ولا راح ادزلك خطابه من يمي, ههههههههههه

دير بالك عنفسك

Sandybelle said...

you have no idea aabout how happy your words made me feel.. thanks wisam, thanks so much..

mexican and lily, thanks from the depth of my heart.

oh moony, you are great, thanks :) :) :), sure my dear, at least, here i can speak of everything.. thanks again, allah y5allich 'w y7ufthich 7abibti..

Khalid from iraqiblogupdates.blogspot.com/ said...

سلام عيني ساندي الحمد لله على السلامة والله بالي عليكم انشاء الله يبعد عنا الزلازل

اي يصير من دون العالم من اريد اتزوج تصير زلازل
صدك لو كالوا الفقير فوك البعير عضة جلب

على اية حال
الحمد لله الذي لانملك الا شكره

تقبلي الاحترام



Richie said...

we are all proud of you, take care sandy and be sure i am praying for you.Richie

Jessy said...

Hello Sandybelle, has anybody suggested that you try to write a book?your emotions are wonderful, and your expressing is great.best wishes for you B-)

Anonymous said...

Keep up hard work :)

Arnold said...

Good for you sandybelle to take care of your sisters.you are strong and great.sandy,if you need any help, just email me, i am ready to do anything for you.sandy,thanks for sharing us your life and wise words,and as you say, the sun cant be seen except in the clear sky.

Anonymous said...

Just stay safe our dear :)

Sandybelle said...

شكرا جزيلا لمشاعرك عمو, الله يحفظك يا اصيل

thanks richie.

yes, many of my friends suggested that i write a book..thanks for your wishes.

yes, i will.

sure arnold, i will email you and my other many friends, you are all my treasure.

Anonymous 2,

Reem said...

You are wonderful sandybelle, you are wiser than many old men i know and you are braver than many of the heroes i heard of. you are a true iraqi.thanks for your nice blog.hugs.

David said...

Hello Sandybelle,

Thanks for your visit to my blog. :)

I would like to send you my best wishes for your mother to get better. I hope she will come home to you and your sisters soon!

I hope all your exams went well and that you will receive high marks. Good luck!

I will visit you again to read your news.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

Stay good.

M.H.Z said...

This is my first visit to your blog, and I was struck by a really sad post, I hope everything works out well for you and life gets better soon, and I also hope you get the best grades in your exam.

You run a great blog, please keep it up.


Dr.Human said...

Hi sandy :
thanks a lot for your comment on my blog ,
I like your blog and your post ,
Hope your mother get better and come back to your home ,
And hope you will get a good marks ,you look a clever girl ..
mowafaqa in shallah

Marie said...

Hello Sandybelle. I feel so moved by your words, you are som emotional sweetie.just take care of your self and be sure that everything will be ok..i love the nickname "soleil", hope to read more posts.

Ahlam said...

Good job Sandybelle, we are all pruod of you my little.this is my first visit to your blog and i feel that you will become a very famous and great person in the future, the near future :) :)

Angela said...

It's a wonderful, a geat and a fantastic blog. please please, keep it so high, up and up.. Sandybelle!! its a romantic nickname. what is your real name? could i know?

Rasul said...

We want a new post. please, as soon as possible. I am one of your secret readers and surprised with your gifts.

Anonymous said...

I hope everything is ok. please dont be absent again.

Touta said...


i'm glad you're strong enough, and it will pass, and like you've said before, the sun will be seen soon. :)

if you need anything, just ask, and good luck for your results. ;)

love and best wishes.

Al-Basri said...

please Sandybelle, please dont disappear gain. we are all afraid about you.please.

Richie said...

Be Back to us soon Sandy. we miss you. hugs

Violet said...

I'm sorry for being late here, but i was so busy the last days ,,,
Dear , I pray for her and I wish you all the best ... i can't say more ! It's a hard to explain it !

Fringe : why don't you show up these days to chat with you or at least i'll try to lssen your tragedy as I allways need to do :)

allright sweetie ,

ياسر الربيعي said...

مرحبا ساندي بل
عادة لما افتح المدونات العراقية فمدونتج ما أنساهه احسهه نسمة حلوة بنص هالعواصف .... وبالنسبة للأزمة الاخيرة صدكي حتمر وتصير سوالف وترجع والدتج بالسلامة اما بالنسبة للامتحانات فلا تطردين عيون يابة عيونة باردة عليج... بس ماكلتيلنه شنو طموحج يعني يا كلية
تمنياتي لك بالتوفيق
وللوالدة ان ترجع بوافر الصحة
وصيري مثل العنقاء
انتي عراقية وماينخاف عليج

Anonymous said...

ملاحظة يا شموسة
ترة اني هم من محبين الكارتون ولو من زمان لان كبرنا اني من جيل كرندايزر Grendizer
بس ما ادري انت تحبين الاسم الطفولي اله كلندايزر لو شنو

Sandybelle said...

Reem, thanks for your words.

thanks for your kind visit, i feel so honored :)

M.H.Z and Dr. human, you really made my day by your kind passing by, you are great and wonderful, i admire you both and highly.thanks so much.

Mairie and Ahlam, you are so wonderful , thanks so much.

Rasul, be safe.

Amgela, romantic nickname? oh, really? thanks, hahahaha.

oh violetta!! sweethear violetta, thanks so much. you are so great. my dear. thanks so much. yes sure, i will be more careful in being in touch. yes, i need you violetta.need you.

oh, touta, thanks, yes, surely, i have no one to speak to but my friends, my dear friends like you.

هلو يسوري , شلونك؟ انشالله بخير
شكرا لكلماتك اللطيفه, حضرتك طيب جدا, اني هدفي كلية الطب
حأكتب انشالله قريبا عن طموحي
اني احب كليندايزر بكل المعاني البيو الطفوله وحماية الارض , دير بالك على نفسك

Thanks for all

Ali said...

Thanks for coming back..