7 Jul 2009
On the track
This pic is from one of my best friends.. Thanks so much..
What the teacher said set the girl free and presented her an ease.. The same time, it posed a question, " if it all went according to the devil's anthem, what would happen ?!!"
"your name is ……, right?", the teacher started as she was fixing the name tablet on the girl's copybook., " yes miss " , the girl answered. " yes!! Seven days and here's the eighth, so hard is the farewell, but so nice is your name and it shows your spirit, it's my duty to observe students, and surely including you ,don’t tell anybody of this secret!! Haha..
What's the problem with your feet?" she asked, patting her on the back and kissing her on the front.. the girl turned so embarrassed ,tongue-tied as well and could say no word.. she was still toilworn.
A smile unawares put an end to the gorgeous conversation.
" maybe it's the terminus, but what is the direction of wisdom??" it cant be the eternal question for a teenage girl, but it happened and it was asked, unnecessarily asked.
The kiss startled her , and every thing disappeared, except the pencil , it was doing its best to snatch a running eraser.. the throe chose to embellish that picture.
The same feeling came back to her..
It was another morning for it to sound cruel.. After the breakfast,
" rin rin rin" the cellphone rings, " good morning " by her dad, " yes, oh! really? well its ok.. ok..ok " , then, looking at her and tells " dear, the driver just called me, he's unable to reach us. The streets that lead from his place to our house are blocked, as well as the ones that lead to your school from here , maybe you cant go to school today. " , " dad? Are you kidding? It’s a final exam!! chemistry" she responses.
" I say maybe. let's go to the thoroughfare and see" shrugging his shoulders.
They reach the street, it is blocked, there’s a parade and no vehicles are allowed except police cars
" yes yes, these are some more girls," some of them are talking loudly.
" hmm , dad ,some girls, I think police offers to drive students to their schools…baba, baba.." she is agitating his hand as it is caught by her.
They begin walking.. after a hello" my daughter is willing to .." the father talks to the policeman, blah blah blah .
" ok, only students can come, I'm sorry, you cant, there are many students, and by the way, your daughter is the only one from the school …..-her school's name- I think she will be the last one" The policeman answers.
The father gazes at her, and she returns his interest with a hidden tear, she believes, it may not be natural, but quite legal " ok dad, maybe I should go to school without you this time" she says kissing him.. " you are not going to a prison, you're going to your school sweetheart'' mocking at her.
The car moves, " we should go through another way, because the governor and military leaders are here " the policeman says as he drives his car passing near the best road for school.
Suddenly, they stop, " oh, there's some problem with the car ..hmmm, I think, you all should get out of it " he says.
As they get out, he leaves hurriedly!!!!!!!!
" oh, he left us, the liar!!!'' the girls speak. " well," they talk to her catching her name via the surreal conversation between her and her dad , " our school is not on your way, we are going to leave you. You should go through this path – pointing to it- and take care, the worst people on earth can be found here, thieves, terrorists, kidnappers and boys who do nothing but look for girls" they're teaching her.
" ok, fine, thanks. good luck in the exam!!" her turn.
" well, " she speaks to herself, " I think it's upwards of 11 kilometers for school, and 6 for home, what to choose? passing through this dangerous neighborhood or going home and postponing the exam . exam starts at 9 and I don’t know what is the time now" , a palaver is created.
-she was alone, having no other choices, with no escort except her shadow. All her traps were : a water bottle, pencils, rubbers and pencil-sharpeners and surely her book-
Ok, she cant postpone the exam. She's not going to go home unnerved , hopeless or aimless, no, not her who chooses this, she knows, this is unseasonable, but she should go, for her ill mom, she's sure if her mom was in her place, she would choose to go to school.
As she enters the nighborhood, 'her near future seems unpredictable , but in belief that -at least- all the morows can be trenchant', what gets her attneiton is people's patios , she turns panicky, especially when she notices some of them arguing about pittances.
She tries to find an umbra, sun heat is killing, but no good area.
She has never expected such tryst, she is sure it was hidden amongst fate's surprises.
'' God, oh God, you can see me now, you can listen to me. Is it supposed that I suffer this pain? Please, stand by me, and don’t let me down. You know, I love you and all what I do is for you and no one else, only you.. you.." wordless words, as she puts her toes in elsewhere on the track.
The raod is so long, and her feet begin to ache her, by time, they get injured..
She does her best to pretend to be unscathed , she believes that all this is transitory and won't go on.
" what's the problem with the little child!! Oh , baby, what's wrong?'' two national guards speak, and she pays no attention, " it’s the suitable time to keep my mom's rules, don’t talk to any stranger". a fierce look and they get astonished.
Later, she starts to think of those guards, normal guards could remark her uncertain steps, she smiles for no one, and she keeps thinking of her mom, the hard 44 days ago, her mom got ill, dangerously ill.
Her mom had a surgical operation , and the house became overcrowded, only when she really needed good periods to study, she didnt have to concentrate on anything except her studying, but she wanted, and life wanted something else.. it was out of her control.. another hard day, when her dad got back from the public lab. trying to keep his sadness inside, she could recognize the hidden medical report, and could read it.. as her eyes were skinning the lines, her tears filled the space everywhere around her..
Hard times should be vanquished, but not today, she is tired, all her high dreams were to do the exam well and get home safe.. and now, she has a far distance with injured feet.
Soon, she feels she is staggering, oops, she has nobody and nothing to lean on except the simple breath, the breath that can keep her alive, "little girl, go little girl" her conscience orders her.
Few students are watched by her, she asks them " what is your last station?" and they mention a name of school she has not heard of, so she thanks them and keeps walking.
Finally, she finds herself before her school's main street, she asks a national guard " excuse me, what time is it ammu?", " 9:30" his formal answer.. " thanks so much", with pleasure sparkles in her eyes.
It's the school gate, she enters, she could pass through the hard time, and the ten kilometers were walked!!
As she goes upstairs, she begins to trudge, step by step, she falls unconscious.
Her friends all come around her, try to carry her, they bring her to her desk, the most suitable place to warm her. Her fingers touch it, and water covers her face.. After a while, she comes back.. tears in her eyes, " my feet are killing me" she says.
" do you want to postpone the exam?" someone asks .
" no,of course no" she replies.
She starts answering the questions…
The exam ends.
She leaves the class, the school, her driver is waiting for her, observing the tired glances.. opens the door for her..
" if you want to reproach me, please do so, i would love to, please, go back to your spirit.. oh my God!! trust me, it was not my guilt!!" he is trying to make her listen , unable to see what was surrounding her.
She is home..
She is welcomed by her mom and falls in her lap. " I’m exhausted" ..
Her sisters and dad help her to take off her showes, blood!!
She tells the story of the street, and that is followed by her mom's tears.
Until now, she cant understand the meaning of those tears.
She asks her sister to bring her her favourite note copybook, there, she has put a special sheet between two of its pages .. this sheet's contains were every thing for her for many weeks, they are words written by her teacher as a token of special ammu and a girl. Whenever she felt sad, she would read them and soon, the horizon would become wonderful again.
" In The Name of God, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
For my little daughter …
Words are lost when I intend to describe such a beautiful and smart girl, but here, I just want to write down, that her name refers to what I want to talk of.
my dearest student, we really pray and hope for your dreams to come true. Your dreams and wishes are so dear for us before being dear for you. let you keep smiling forever"... Teacher , Abdul-Razzaq.
Her father bandages her feet. and the little girl falls asleep deeply.
She is ME.
I'm so thankful for I have finished my exams, there were nights and the wind was so cold, and days, the sun was cruel.
Exams were not harder than the times before, this is why I preferred to be away from this world, everything wanted to blur and change, but the truth can never let down the sky.
I can see it so clearly now, trying to clarify the air, to spread what was missed.. it feels ashamed, and aiming to banish the mud and soot that covered its face for a long time, several months time..
It can't be forgotten, nor forbidden nor thrown away.
It must be forgiven..
Note: so thankful for all the friends that tried to keep in touch with me, for the so many e-mails, encouragements and supportings. so sorry for being unable to response, sometimes life gives , but many times it takes.. Be safe