20 Jul 2008

Rose of past

Frozen one was my body when the nice breeze of dawn blew , it is summer, I found that very weird, frozen body in July!! Why not?! I got flu!!
During the day, I was not stuck in bed, no, it is only a flu, and I had so much homework, and so much to talk about with mama.
Mama bought me a new set of pencils ( I do love pencils ) , and while I was arranging them in my case, I caught sight of something very dear for me. My first copybook in school, how great I felt as finding it!!! I kept turning the pages, laughing at myself and my handwriting , haha, how funny it was!! (although I was able to write when I was almost five years old, but it is handwriting of a child:) ), my copybook is full of stickers , of Tom & Jerry which was my favorite cartoon at that time. and mom was the one who wrote my name on it (referring that the copybook belongs to me), soon, my tears fell down and I went to my mom, carrying all my copybooks of this year, and I let her write my name on them. And I asked daddy to buy me stickers which I like them to be of Tom and Jerry too. I don’t know, does my wish sound like I want to be back to my childhood, or does it mean that the young soul is still alive in myself…
Among the words (which were the simple phrases of the marks and letters of alphabet) I found the name ( Sura), "Sura??" I wondered, then I showed my mom it, she would remind me of who Sura can be, although they have been only nine years since that time, but I got enough to forget it, she said " Oh Soleil, don’t you remember? Sura? And Abbudi ?her brother? Uncle Emad!!) , I soon said " Oh yes, yes, I remembered".
Only mentioning of these people may remind me of the happiest times I spent in my life, how great I was with them!!
I still remember Abbudi and I building the simple house of cubes set, and Sura was keeping staring at us, calling my name singing the song that referring to it too, I was so happy with them, they were like my family and more. They have left Iraq for five years, I really miss them, before they left Iraq they had returned to Baghdad (They are Baghdadis ), and my visits to Baghdad became greater since they went there, I every time was visiting their house and now I can remember how much shy Abbudi turned when I wanted to shake his hand , haha, he felt that he is old enough for saying hi to me like a gentleman without shaking hands , not like a child. Sura's name must be written by me when I had thought of her that once, she was always there for me, and the picnics that we had together(which I miss too) are the best in the world.
Everything of those nice moments turned to be bygone, as a rose of past.
Then I put back my most wonderful copybook with my other favorite ones. It should be my number one diary , every simple mark of it says hello to my life, and so makes it so much better.
All the years ago, I had my own circle of people, people come and people go, but the all engrave the nice memory in my mind, people can never be forgotten.
Many of our friends have left Iraq after or before the last war, and many of them too came back, maybe many people think that they might be crazy to decide to come back to Iraq, but they did and they are doing well now.
Many families in Baghdad ( Baghdad. Baghdad..Baghdad, how much I Love this city!!) came back, and earlier my cousin called me, she said that the situation in Baghdad is so much better than Mosul, although there are many barricades, but it should be as a step by step. We all hope and pray for the better bext.
One day when I was about 5 years old , I did love a young singer called "Najwa Karam" , she had a song pretending like Cinderella in !! And I liked her since that time, I made my dad take me to all the shops in Mosul looking for a picture of her, hahaha, how stubborn I seemed sometimes!!! Then, I found the picture, hahah and kept it near my cupboard.
Whenever I see children in streets walking among the cars in the roads junctions selling cigarettes or biscuit I feel of grief inside, that I'm so sorry to see those children working while I and many others could have the chance to live as a child one day. I'm very grateful and thankful for this, but very sad too. I don’t know when will the day ,when I will see those children taking their way to school, come? Every night I pray for them, deep and hard life seems many times.

Myself and I was talking last night, what if what has someone I know said is right?
" whatever I do, whatever I get, I will die someday and nothing will be for me, so no need to get stressed of the life and no need to do the best for things will go away someday".
No , no , I'm sure it is wrong, because I soon realize that it is right that we are all going to die someday, but at least we are having the minute to live happily and able to feel that we are here.
Iraq had many horrible times that made some people think like that, many wars and everything has the share of making many people here ignorant and unable to think of the beauty of considering that the world is only about little village as together as we can live.
The wars made Iraq alone and weak one day, and this is why we need a lot now to do for rebuilding the our home. But the main thing is we don’t need any other war anymore, nor any quarrels with our neighbors or with each other.
I every time when think of the matter, my insistence that I will do all my best for my country and my homeland grows bigger and bigger.
We have to make great relations with all the other countries, this is exactly what we need, forgetting the sad past and focusing on what we faced for avoiding repeating the mistakes and for creating the enormous lives, so we will work only for the future, the future that we all hope to be brilliant.

Lately, I felt sad for no main reason, like my heart was surrounded, I don’t know why, I got stressed too much, but I still remember my math teacher when she said at seeing me like this " Don't be sad while you are the only one who can leave the doors opened for all the positive things and closed for all the negative things. The life is so much greater than spending it like a weeping philosopher , haha".
I really love my teacher and I'm very proud of her, she helped me many times , and now I miss her, but I also have luck to have great friends to support me always , hold my hand to touch the sky and stand by me whenever I need them.

Thankfully I'm doing well with my studying, and I'm very busy with it.
My teachers are nice and I'm happy with them.
Situation is bad actually, the bridges are blocked from time to time, and national guards are angry, American soldiers too, people here expect another military operation, because the last one wasn’t the perfect the Mosul need.
Within the last days, ten car-bombs exploded, and we are afraid of this in deed.
My friend told me that she say a killed man on her way to a copying shop, maybe these scenes turned very normal for the Iraqi people , but really sadly I say this.
Many American tanks are in the streets,and hovering warplanes. Today the tank was only about 4 meters away from me. Ok, seeing American tanks doesn't mean anything good, it means that these soldiers are chasing terrorists and so there are many terrorists.

The weather is very hot. And we get limited hours of power ( but I can't deny it is better than two months ago).

"There were nights when the wind was so cold,that my body froze in bed,If I just listened to it right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel ,that all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever" I am singing, let the nights be full of pleasure that we can't live the night twice….



Michomeme said...

Oh Sandy, how I love this song, It reminds me of the time when I was still in your age, I'm missing to be like I was. Full of thougts, words, friends every where, homeworks, and some other girls who are jealous, it was the best time ever.
Sandy, when I was in your age, I thought there is nothing to learn about more because I knew every thing in life, I thought I'm wiser, stronger, also young enough, but you know what, when you'll start college in the near future, you'll remember the current time and say "Oh I was really little girl, and now I'm younger".

You still have the child inside of you, me too, I'm older than you maybe in 3 or 4 years, but still have a childe inside of me, I still sometimes act like a childe, and I will always keep it. Then you will learn when to be young and when to be a childe in the nice suitable time.

be strong, do not say to your self that you're sad, being sad is really something bothering, the life is short, it doesn't deserve to live it sadly, do what ever it takes, pray, respect your familly and friends, love them, like what you are and be your self, you'll be just perfect where no one is perfect but God.


C.H. said...


Looking back on your childhood is always a great way to bring up good memories, I do this myself, haha.

Instead of being sad, you should think of the good things. Think of your blog, and your readers who GREATLY enjoy reading your work. Sometimes I like to read your blog so I can encourage myself, because you have always had such a strong sense of optimism that I admire.

Stay safe, and hopefully you won't have to worry about the violence in Mosul for much longer. Try as they may, the terrorists are trying to frighten Iraqis, but they will fail...and they know it will happen soon. God bless you, and god bless Iraq!

Michomeme said...

Happy birthday to you Sandy, i wish you all the best

Ali said...

I was touched with this sng and your post.. you are such a wonderful girl.. sandy, the sad thing of the life is it will become only a memory..
be safe

Steve said...

Sandybelle, it is a good thing you have such a strong memory.. keep on remembering, especially when you feel sad, everyting beomes wonderful soon..