Three little children

Taking a seat, and my elbow rests on my leg, I keep thinking of what to do next, diverting myself away from any mentioning of what's called food.(:))

Around five feet ahead of me, is a woody table triangle in shape. Beside the table, is a small woody sofa. I change my mind and decide to have a rest over there.

On the table are three small cups with their saucers contained within a beautiful basket. And on the other side of the table is a fictile vessel of elephant form .while in the middle is a plastic anvil with a plastic tree whose twiglet hangs over the right side of a silver tray. The truthful deceiving plant makes a beautiful sense since it exactly appears as the tree located at the front of our garage.
The silver tray has three groups of candles straightening up, the first one includes one candle, the second has got three and the third catches up thirty and all are white and of ordinary height.

The first one picks up my attention. The apical end is blazing severely and from a moment to another, the flame takes up a different direction, following the air inspirations.
The more I approach my hand, the better I feel the little heat stings.

In the end, the heat alarms me, and I jump up terrified.

I start traipsing everywhere home.

My dad invites me for a car journey along the market. I hesitate to speak, as if I am still feeling the heat so short waves. Finally, I give no answer, and tend to the refrigerator, open it and find the wonderful brightness. Everything shines greatly, then I close the door grinningly banishing my appetite .

Half an hour later, I find myself directed to the house gate which is half opened, slightly move it, and keep watching the empty street.

Suddenly, three little children come down the lane, I am surprised in the beginning, but later, find it a big joy to observe their lazy steps, drawing a big sack which is seemingly full of sweet things. The tallest one is blond, the other wears an attractive jeans, and the last and shortest finds a big difficulty to carry his belly walking.
So hard to find my ability destroyed and my control broken down at laughing. They notice the laughter and stand motionless, looking directly at me and I feel sorry and want to hide inside myself.
Smiling widely, understanding my transaction, each one encourages the other to do something, and all their talking happens in whispers. So they tune out and bear up, reach my stable body and greet me.
They open the sack, and each one shows me what he's bought, and how they've lavished all their money.
I tread on air as listening attentively to every word of their speech, and how so admirable they are as giving me a full description of what they did during the day.
Then they ask me to take a chocolate piece, and keep insisting as if they've heard about my love towards the chocolate.
I ask them to wait a bit, and return with a big sweet mass. Their eyes sparkle as happily as mine to see these sweet things. I hug them each, and thank them so much.
Then, they ask me what I am supposed to do in Eid and whether I like Eid or not. " I do love Eid" I turn the trick in the tenor of the story they are just telling.
" why do you love Eid?" they ask me and keep explaining Eid for me and why they love it too.
Although they were not so clear this time, but I get it , and solicit my inner self to give a reasonable reason.
Then, my tears roll down, and immediately hide underneath my chin. And before I answer them, they hug me so tight, and say " Happy Eid.. We love Eid, and we already love you".
I dry my wet cheeks and kiss them each. I say goodbye, and see them go, and I feel I am willing to tweeze every tiny piece of stones from down their following footsteps. I am so afraid of they may stumble, but after this, I become comfortable as a young man I have seen before comes, and holds them together while they apologize for their latish return!!
I am satisfied, and close the door . My feet hit the ground repeatedly, a sign for a big query, a query about why I love Eid..

I feel so happy though, and I wish you a

Happy Eid

Sandybelle

A plastic mask

I get into the car and start to describe the burning sun lengthily. I luxuriate in my description, persisting in talking, till my dad resents calmly " Hoar hair madam, let me drive peacefully if you don’t mind".
I become silent, and try to think of the real intended meaning of the hoar hair madam..

We pass three checkpoints. The fourth follows lastly and it seems we wont leave it but the next morning.

My patience perished, and I find myself scrubbing the palm of my right hand. My tongue pinched that I should speak again!
I take a deep breath, by which I assumingly touch my heart and pick every beat.
The conditioner still sends out pretty breeze and that comforts me largely.

I keep thinking of any means I can spend the time by.

In the middle of my scratched thoughts board, I incidentally hear somebody talking in whispers and a so hard curiosity pushes me to eavesdrop. It was like he was talking to his mom, by a very southern beautiful funny way.
Then, I trend against the window, and turn my head gazing carelessly until he notices what I am interested in , in the moment.
He is wearing a heavy helmet, and moving his finger along the upper edge of the net of the barbed wires. Holding a bottle of water by the rest of fingers and a mobile in the other hand, while the gun is fixed between his shoulder and the cabinet external wall.

He makes a sign by his hand asking if there is something, and it is like I wake up. I bite my lip and smile and he happily smiles back with no worries.
Then, I keep my eyes staring through the sun glass that I immediately take off.

I check my shoes' latchet, after this, I begin to labialize all the words that express me freely.

My mom lampoons the so near deceiving fear and I burst into laughter.

We park the car and I get out.

The so hot weather, and the so severe sunrays, the loud generator sound and the totally full garage bring out laziness.


"yalla baba, khenfoot" (come on in daddy) my dad urges me.

My mom pushes the door, and I go in after, I am met by a very troubling crying of a baby, and this is the very thing that gives me a sense of horror , but I do my best to ignore it.

After an hour and a half, my turn comes. My dad pats me on the back, and my mom looks into my eyes with a big interest.

" I know I should throw a way the pain, before it takes me down its feet." I say to myself.

A man with a white dress comes and introduces himself that he's the anesthetist. " are you Azrael?" I ask within my mind and laugh silently.
And soon he starts his job and tends to hypnotize me, exchanging a very respectful conversation which is very funny too.

I keep walking with him, amongst the weirdly green appearance walls.
Then, I halt near the bed that I should lie on.
The doctor asks me to relax as he launches a series of jocks. I quickly say a small part of any tribute I can remember , or perhaps, I can create. By each word he gives out a long series of happy tones, repeating " good girl!".
Like a tumbler, I give up my consciousness after they have put a plastic mask connected to a long plastic tube over my nose and mouth. And it seems I have to forget to say my own prayers.

Later,
"cover her with a blanket! Don’t worry about the bleeding! No laughing and no hard chewing" then " Sandy!" I hear, and too difficultly can recognize the voice and answer " yes" with a suppressed sound wave and no ability to open my eyes.
"mom, I love you" I speak and I feel of a teardrop falling down along my index.

My face is tightened very well by several sheets of plaster. Even the eyebrows have only a small part to show.

Herein, I bring back my sight, and my parents help me stand up and walk along with me to the hospital second gate.

Another child glances at me, and he's about to cry while watching me and observing my slow steps. I feel so tired, and I stretch my hand towards him, and he stretches his too.

I leave the hospital and arrive home by few minutes.

My sisters help me find a way to bed, one kissing my hand and the other hugs me with her tacky fingers and a great desire to ask her what she has been tucking during my absence.

I ask for nothing, except an analgesic, and fall into a sleep.

After an unknown period of time, I wake up and as it tells, have no dream to think of..

I just gnaw my nail and keep remembering the stretched hand and the green coloured walls.

Sandybelle

Nice Summer With No Worries

Hello my friends,

how are you?
i know it has been a very long time since i wrote. i can feel this so clearly, by the many emails and blames i got for this absence..

I am blushed, and my heart beats quickly, just want you to give me the excuse..
I also love that you have a very nice summer with no worries..not even about Sandybelle.

i did my exams and received the final results which tell i succeeded.

Right now, I'm in Jordan , for medical tests, and will return to Iraq as soon as i finish them.

I miss you and i miss my blog.. I have many plans for the summer, and i have many things to talk about..
Just in order to explain, how much i love you..

Sandybelle

I'm happy

This morning, a taste of happiness.

Just few days ago, i was wondering about it, and this morning, I tested it. And I really hope, it will never run away.

I started the day with a wonderful call. Then, I received a text message, my friends are back together now, M and C, they know themselves ;)

I just want to tell them, you are both great and wonderful, but you are greater and more wonderful when you are together!

And I love you so much!

M told me he may come to the homeland this year!! and i am extremely eager, and waiting.

I like every moment I spent with them, everything I learnt from them, and every word they said to me.

M, A, C, B as well as H..

My friends, you did never leave my mind, and you will never do.

Wherever you are, just stay safe and always be happy.

Sandybelle

Purple coloured flowers

It's like I forgot or became afraid of all what I possessed and still there , and got nothing more except a new method of respiration.

That morning , I –unlike the all- appeared so careless about the place I was going to. Or.. perhaps I forgot to care, orrrr , it could be an eagerness and longing to meet two men I had not known the very well about them, despite the fact that they are brothers of my father's own.

It was a sunny day, and as if zephyr was sent by Helios to hug the path I passed..
It was the first day I felt I anticipated an adventure. And I was not wrong with that feeling at all.
expectation with lazy looks.

New faces and people I had not met before.. boys and girls.. all trying to be the star.

It’s a source of sarcasm to remember the fear that captured me when I was looking at one of them with so surprised eyes. He was so fat with light brown hair, with age of probably 23 years. I am sure if it was supposed to see him somewhere else, I wouldn’t fear the matter, or even not to notice, but since it was all there.. it was really a strange thing..
Everything I touched was as something from space.. or it was a monodrama that only one person knew about, and this person was me.

I also met Ahmed, a young man older than me with five years. I used to fight him when I was 13. it caused a terrific headache to wait for him for long hours to go back home ,with my two other friends, at his school gate.
Ahmed came and said hello like a noble man, and I laughed in my sleeve and brought to mind all the rules I already had learnt of good behavior inside the college : don’t bend your back forward.. slowly chew your food.. don’t you run and calmly speak!
He narrated many stories about the new place, professors, hospital, illness, hard study, and students. They were things I already knew, but they had a special taste to be heard directly from someone lived the moment.
His speech was like "macaronic" , and I stood the first half perfectly well and I was impressed, but the second half was out of my ken, although he did never use complex terms, or maybe I didn’t concentrate about that much talking.

Saba' heavily kept holding my hand and distinctly looked so glad to introduce me to everything there, everyone and every spot.

Everybody was happy, and everybody explained the happiness in a different way, and I took a turn to find a happiness for my own.

Saba' and I had a cup of coffee ,then she needed to go for a lecture, we promised to meet at 12 a.m.
I exchanged looks into the eyes with girls I knew from my secondary school. And the makeover they used was horrible!
Then, myself and I were alone.
The time shouldn’t seem to hang heavy.
I wanted to stare at any piece of matter to kill the time, and later I found myself staring at a purple coloured flower.
"Purple ..flower", I dinged.
And I remembered his face ; however, I don’t usually forget it.
We were little. We were together. We always built houses and trains by cubes, as well as castles. We sang together and made birthday parties.
And I was happy with all of that.
Once we had a walk together in a garden full of purple coloured flowers, and they took a photo for us.
No one knows how life goes.
And now, I don’t know where he may be, or how, or does he remember all those times like I do?!
If I met him, I would thank him, I would remind him of the purple flowers. And I would praise the happiness we had. We were real, honest and great despite our little wishes.

Whenever I see purple coloured flowers, I think back about that day. the happiness of that day.And fate chose I shouldn’t do so much, so, I didn’t see any purple coloured flowers after that day except 5 times, including my first day in college.
Five times i really was happy.

The next day –the second day in college- I went to the same place where I saw the purple flower and it was not there!
Perhaps I was wrong, and all those thoughts were a share of an unneeded keek.

And the aim to find the happiness was awake. And it was like a story about how man can be happy or stay happy if he was originally.

And attempts follow to remember other times I was happy.
Most of the goals didn’t pass the lines I stepped back into indeed. Or, it's maybe an exaggeration to dispraise myself.

I remember once when snow dewy slept, and the yard before my room window was almost totally white. I soon put on the coat and ran outside, Rita ( our neighbor from Russia who is married to an Iraqi man) kept teaching us how to make a snowman.
I kept walking in the yard, and I had a faith that I could go to any place I wanted to go to.

The next days in college were hazy in nature, and called a sense of loneliness to hover.
This feeling kept chasing me from a time to another, but it had to vanish. And actually, parts of it appear here or there sometimes.
People in college (and perhaps everywhere else)differ in their latency and in the creeds they obey. And all of that makes my mind either to whoosh or to wobble.
There is mummery of determinism (and I spent a long time to find this word as the suitable), devoicing the letters, yocking and disorienting.
Many are mouthy with dreams find a termination at the borders of my new place (I mean the college).
I can add, I, for the firs time realised the meaning of selfishness, and I am not going to discuss it. And I was shocked, because it’s a place to create people to give, sacrifice and make others happy.
However, there many other students who deserve all the admirstion and respect, including those who have come from their very far cities to Mosul to continue their studying, since the university of Mosul is one of the best universities in Iraq.
and I remember when we were working on the computer in Computer science lecture, when i typed "we are here, feeling so proud and thankful to God for he gave us a gift of joining this college. It's a voice inside us who tells us to work and serve our country and dear people", and this got an attention and acception from the students.

It’s a soul bed with two edges, either the highness or the low level, and both will be immortal, since they are man's decision.
One Saturday,I needed to visit the doctor, and when he knew I'm in the same college graduated from, he began to dilate life there, and how hard it is. He spent very long years of studying, and gave so much, especially for the last four years when he weekly received threatening sheets.
He was happy though.. it was a so shy happiness.

Here, a simple picture forms about the meaning of happiness. Happiness means to give, to sacrifice, and to share all of these with whom you love.

They were mornings I will not forget maybe.
The other morning, there was a cat, a bench and a tree. I soon wanted to take out the ball I brought there, but I hesitated and never did. They say we are old enough to leave the ball, the doll, the puzzle, and the swing.
But they are all things bring happiness to my life. And I really feel ashamed to leave them.

Disproportion is found to explain a way to understand the dispensation and ditheism.
But the way has not completed yet to understand a part of the happiness.
And maxims are spread all over the world, I should fine one, or I'm following a one and need a bit of relaxation.
Amongst all these things, and as the hours pass, the purple coloured flower is trying to hide…

Although I am late, give me a chance to say " happy new year".

لنكن ارواحا راقيه, نتسامى عن سفاسف الامور, وعن كل ما يخدش نقاءنا.
نحترم ذاتنا ونحترم الغير.
عندما نتحدث, نتحدث بعمق, نطلب بأدب و نشكر بذوق.
نعتذر بصدق.
نترفع عن التفاهات والقيل والقال
نحب بصمت, نغضب بصمت , وان اردنا الرحيل, نرحل بصمت

Sandybelle

P.S. thanks for all the sweet emails I received, thanks for all the wishes and prayers. And excuse me for the long time absence.

Just to thank

Arthur is a nickname for someone i like to thank.

"thanks for helping me to survive"
I know, "thank you" is not enough, but I believe it can explain.
Many of the difficulties were turned into easy and simple things. your surprise added the colour for the hard days I passed through recently.

May God protect you, and give you so much happiness with whom you love.

Deeply surprised and thankful.

Sandybelle